Being a better Dad

[Dadd72]

My partner is the defacto parent to our child. I want to be a more involved parent but feel utterly cluless. When real parenting is needed I just freeze and my mind goes blank. How do I change the status quo?

Practise. If it's hard, do it more until it's easier.

If you see something that needs doing in the house, just do it. Don't just hold out for the rose-tinted playing with freshly bathed baby before bedtime. Being a parent is also about keeping the home working.

If something is dirty, clean, be that bottom or kitchen. If the laundry basket is full, put on a wash. Offer to cook and do it, and wash up. Offer to take baby out so your DP can have some time off.

Look into fun things you would all enjoy doing together and make them happen. Don't just be a passenger.

Make an effort to build a strong relationship between any nearby family members/ grandparents and your child.

Find your own way to deal with things. You don't need to be identical to your partner. If the child is being difficult, see it as a challenge to be overcome, not as something to hand back to your partner.

No one has a clue about babies when they have their first one.

Make sure everyone is getting as much sleep as possible. Doing things like changing beds is boring, but really makes a difference to general sense of cleanliness etc

Thank you Solasum. The housework isn't the problem, I do chores around the house. It's more about the actual parenting of our child. I am not the bio-father, but love our child as if I were, and want to be the Dad not just a Step-Dad. My partner and I have been in a relatioship for several years, but only recently moved in together. I really want to have true 50/50 parenting, but I'm struggling my cluelessness.

It's obvious you care deeply, that's a huge positive. The more you interact and spend time with the child, the more natural it will become.

See it as an apprenticeship. Spend time getting to know the child, observe and learn. Ask your partner. You will develop your own parenting style over time and with experience. Your partner is the expert so ask and observe what she is doing. Be prepared not to agree on everything!

How old is child?

I second asking how old is the child. A very young baby needs their primary carer but if they are older than that how about making Saturday mornings decicated Daddy - child time. If they are young go for a walk and sing some songs or if they are a toddler go to the park.

You need experience to be a parent so you are going to just have to do it. No one, not even your wife automatically knows how to parent.