Mum guilt

[user2814]

How do people deal/cope with it?

I find it can hit me hard and can take a while to 'shake off'. Things that can make it worse are:

• that I'm not doing enough
• spending more time with one child over another
• the feeling of lost memories or not making enough memories
• feeling of time slipping away as my children get older.

That's just a few off the top of my head. How do others overcome it?

How old are your dc?

Look at the child, not yourself. Are they happy? Are they secure? Are the developing? Are they loved? If the answer is yes to all of those, then stop micro analysing you and what you're doing. At the end of the day it's a combination and balance of millions of different factors and many have numerous ways of being done right so if you focus too much on the details you'll get confused and miss the objective of just raising a happy child.

I stopped thinking about it. You can't force memories and you'd probably be surprised at the things they do remember: you can spend a fortune on an all singing, all dancing holiday but they'd remember the stop-off at the services.

I look forward to my children getting older. I'm interested in and hopeful for the future and am excited to see them as adults.

I let my children spend time with each other and let them come to me when they want and need to. I don't feel guilty about working because without that we wouldn't have enough money to live on.

I do as much as I can but I realise that I'm only human - I'm not a robot and don't have unlimited time, money or energy. We can't fill every minute of every day with activities because they need time to chill and to relax too; I also think it's important for them to fill their own time and find their own interests. That can only happen if they're allowed to be bored from time to.

I remember talking to dh about all these feelings of guilt, years ago when our dc were small, and he looked at me like I was crackers. He doesn't feel guilty for going to work, going out, having his own interests and having a life that doesn't competely revolve around the children and society doesn't expect him to. I kind of realised how daft I was being and that, whilst I'm not perfect, I'm good enough and my children are happy, healthy, confident, loved and secure. That's ultimately what matters.