Hi, i have posted before but not for a while - i would like/need some advice about parenting a toddler when also juggling stress, complex relationships/living situations and a history/personality of being anxious and sensitive to external stimulus! I am in mid 30s and am a sole parent for my 2 yr old active toddler, work 3 days a week and have been living with my parents for all of my son's life. I am 3/4 of the way to having a deposit for a place of our own, but realistically finances will likely be tight once we move out and I will need to be very organised and resilient/self reliant and able to parent my child effectively. My parents have been very supportive to date and I am very grateful for this, i am hoping our relationships can be on a more equal footing once we have our own place.
Atm I am struggling a bit with my parenting, I feel frustrated and incompetent with my child and like I am being judged by others, I feel like i cant keep up with my childs energy and mess and also please/respect my parents, i also feel like Cranky Mum and like I am competing with my mother in the role of parent.
I pay board and cook 3/4 times a week, do the food shopping and try to give my parents space, but am conscious that having an adult and toddler living with them makes it more difficult for them to live their own lives.
I also have younger siblings (adults) who need or want my parents support, one has just split from partner and has small kids, low income earner and history of serious mental illness (seems fairly strong now and has not relapsed for a long time). I spend a lot of te with the kids on the days I dont work and at times find it very difficult to focus on my son and my needs when they are round. My mother also compares my son to his cousins and is very focused on my younger sibling.
I feel less than/invisible and rejected by my mother and resentful about the dynamic in her relationship with my sibling. I feel like I act like a petulant child around my mother, desperate for her respect and undivided, present attention and regard. This may well never happen! I want to accept this but emotionally I find not feeling hurt difficult.
My mother brings my siblings children to many of the activities I go to with my son. In short my family are both a form of support and major stress at the moment and I am not being tne parent I want to be - I am anxious, shouty and controlling of my son at times and I feel like i am not enough for him, that his needs will not be met. I am also very 'trained' to put my siblings needs first and be overly responsible for her needs and feelings (and by extension her kids). I think I abandon my own needs and those of my son around her and her kids.
I get no support from my childs father or anyone else (siblings show little or no interest, no close friends atm) and also feel resentful that I have given up a lot (full time work with travel, independence and freedom, finances etc) because of my son. I am conscious that this may express itself in my relating to my son, and also that that is not his burden to carry!
Any similar experiences or ideas about how to be the best parent I can be for my child?