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Parenting

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Original poster

Is this too much to ask of a 12 year old?

18 replies

NoCryLilSoftSoft · 27/09/2017 19:58

Just started secondary school. These are the things I have asked him to do.

Daily:
open his curtains and window
Open the bathroom window and dry round the edge of the bath after his morning shower.
Hang up the bath mat after the shower
Empty the dishwasher (evening)
Flush the toilet after he pees and wipe seat.

Weekly:
Wash his school uniform on a Friday evening (I do all the rest of his washing)
Bring the wheelie bin in on bin day (I put it out)

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Tilapia · 27/09/2017 20:01

No, not too much - but if he's just started secondary I'd go easy on him for a few weeks. My DS has just started secondary and he's knackered from the transition and a bit overwhelmed by all the homework, after school activities etc.

BringMeSunshinePlease · 27/09/2017 20:04

I think it's great you're teaching him to do things. My step kids are older and can do nothing for themselves and do nothing to help around the house. Drives me nuts.

bingolittle · 27/09/2017 20:06

If he's just started secondary then this is NOT the time to introduce a chore regime (not even a very reasonable one). If anything, it's a time to cut him slack even on chores he does normally.

Postponing this for a few months, or even till next summer holidays, will not turn him into a spoiled brat, but it will help him cope with a stressful transition.

I'm all for chores but this is seriously not the time to be hardline about them.

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Shesaysso · 27/09/2017 20:08

All fine I think apart from the school uniform. I'd wash the his uniform for him with the rest of the washing.

It's really tiring when they first start secondary school - he'll have a lot to get used to.

twinone · 27/09/2017 20:10

It seems a bit harsh if these chores have started only now as he has started school.

The chores themselves are fine but why does he have to wash his school uniform, whilst you do all his other stuff? Seems a bit wasteful putting trousers and a blazer only in the washing machine.

Tealdeal747 · 27/09/2017 20:11

When dc was 11 I would have said this is reasonable. Now eldest is older than that I'd be happy with a fraction of that!

Smidge001 · 27/09/2017 20:12

They're hardly 'chores' just things you should do automatically as part of a standard routine - hanging bath mat up to dry after using it takes 2 seconds max and is big an ask as putting your toothbrush back into a pot after using it rather than leaving it on the side of the sink

The only one I'd class as a chore is the bring in the bins (weekly!). Definitely not too big an ask of a 12 year old. The transition to secondary school really isn't so stressful that you can't be expected to do that!!!

However, you are probably BU if you expect not to have to remind them for a term before it becomes second nature!!

Original poster

NoCryLilSoftSoft · 27/09/2017 20:14

I went easy on him the first couple of weeks because I was expecting the change to be a lot for him. As it turns out he doesn't have that much homework at all. At least he isn't spending any more time on it than he was at primary school. None of these tasks are happening without me having to remind him afterwards to go and do them. He whinges about having to do the dishwasher and bin which were always his jobs for the last couple of years. He says make (DS2) do it. DS2 has his own chores.

Last weekend he didn't do his washing and every morning was spent looking for clean shirts and trousers. So the weekend just past he didn't do the washing so I caved and did it on Sunday night. The only thing I asked him to do when it was dry was hang it up in his wardrobe. He dumped it on his bed and it is still sitting there in a crumpled mess. He even chucked his dirty shirt and trousers on top of it last night! I have asked him each evening to put it away and he still hasn't. There are other things like forgetting his bus pass, missing the bus, forgetting his phone and forgetting to do a homework that have all happened and I'm just getting very frustrated that he isn't taking any responsibility for himself. There is no father here and I don't want him to think that mum's are for doing all the stuff you don't feel like doing yourself.

How long would you let this slide for? Or should I start getting firm? If so how?

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Original poster

NoCryLilSoftSoft · 27/09/2017 20:15

The only one that has started since secondary school is the washing of his uniform. Everything else was already a chore for a couple of years.

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Ttbb · 27/09/2017 20:17

Believeitornot · 27/09/2017 20:17

Why not do them with him for the first few weeks instead of just leaving him to it. Then if he doesn't do it, he has no clean clothes later down the line.

SingingSeuss · 27/09/2017 20:19

Absolutely not

Original poster

NoCryLilSoftSoft · 27/09/2017 20:19

Ok so give it a term to get into the swing of it. Just keep reminding?

I asked him to wash his uniform because I think he can and I think because it's only two very small loads a week it's manageable. He also doesn't have homework to do on a Friday that needs done for the next day. So the time spent doing washing (15 minutes?) would be out of time he would spend doing homework every other evening. It's not on top of homework if that makes sense.

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Original poster

NoCryLilSoftSoft · 27/09/2017 20:21

Wrt doing the washing with him, it's really just a case of just putting a bundle of stuff in and pouring the powder. He knows the settings. To do it with him would be doing it for him while he was beside me watching.

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soundsystem · 27/09/2017 20:22

I think I'd be doing his washing for him. Seems inefficient to get him to do his own uniform like that. If you want to get him involved in washing maybe ask him to bung a load on for everyone/hang it up, etc as it needs doing?

Everything else sounds reasonable, though.

vitalite · 27/09/2017 20:24

Seems perfectly reasonable to me. My 9 year old does most of these, bar the laundry and the bins.

Original poster

NoCryLilSoftSoft · 27/09/2017 20:30

If I asked him to put a load on of everyone's washing then we'd all be running round looking for pants in the mornings! out machine has a 20 min 2kg cycle that he uses for his uniform.

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Chasingsquirrels · 27/09/2017 20:35

I think it's all fine - although I don't ask mine to do the washing, I put the loads on as and when.

Tbh the daily things are just part of life - flushing the toilet! I'd expect mine to clear up after themself, help with emptying the dishwasher (not at a regular time just when it needs emptying), clearing up after meals etc.

So really he just has a couple of weekly chores.

My ds2 is yr7. He has to do the daily life stuff, then vacuum and clean his room and vacuum either upstairs or downstairs (every two weeks), mop the kitchen, utility, hallway & downstairs loo (probably only every month) plus choose and cook the evening meal every other Wednesday. He also has to strip his bedding although I help him remake it as he struggles.

Yr10 ds1 has similar except he mows the lawn instead of the mopping. He will also put the dishwasher on if he puts something in and it's full (he just started doing this himself over the summer), put the recycling and bins out if I ask him.

Making Wednesday evening food is a new thing, we only started 3 weeks ago. 15yo is just getting on with it, he helped at Beavers tonight, came home and made tea with just a few questions to me. I helped 11yo last week and will continue to do so but anticipate it getting less.

Almost none of the chores type stuff is done off their own back without me asking / telling them to do it.

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