Not ready to let family babysit

[ch24]

Need some advice please I have a night out with work friends at the end of next month I haven't been apart from my child for more that two minutes so to prepare myself for this night we've asked grandparents to have her overnight while we have a couples night but I'm really stressing and anxious,
Is it really necessary to have alone time ? Our relationship hasn't suffered so far so I don't feel the need to leave her. Please help

I'm just glad you all understand I had this conversation with my partner earlier and he's basically said If I'm not ready we won't go out which is lovely that he gets it but at the same time he said he would love to spend quality time with me I feel I'm being a little selfish but at the same time she's so small.

It's not selfish.

Could you try and create a little date night at home?

Movie, takeaway. You could do make up and stuff so you feel like it's an event.

She's really small! I think there are loads of ways for you to get couple time in a regular basis without an overnight....

My oldest is nearly 5 and he's never been away from home for the night. Mainly because we don't have anyone who could do that but because frankly it's not necessary... Why this obsession with getting away from our children?!

That's what we've agreed to do before the works do a night in with a takeaway and wine and some board games while the grandparents have her overnight for me to prepare myself for a full night out but I'm anxious about both nights.

Not at all selfish to want some time with your partner, it's really important to do that!

I was a very anxious new mum for a variety of reasons. First time I left my dd wasn't with family - partly I wouldn't have trusted them (whole other thread!) but also the friend I did leave dd with COMPLETELY understood how I felt and I trusted her that the slightest difficulty she'd call us home.

I was also bf and dd wouldn't take a bottle at this stage so I couldn't be away more than 3 hours max anyway.

We went to a nearby restaurant so if we were needed we could get home quickly (less than 10 mins), we were out maybe 2.5 hours and I called 3 times and that was as long as I could manage.

Then dh and my friend were very understanding but dh did have to persuade me to have dessert and stay out a little longer, reassuring me that friend would call if there were any issues.

Dd of course didn't even notice we were gone! The little bugger even slept an hour longer than usual that time of day and my boobs were killing!

I think the advice to start with a few hours away and then build up to a night out is good. It is very personal. I first left mine at 3 months for a few hours. My mother in law had to prize the baby from my hands! It was good to get away but I practically ran back and it was a while before I braved an overnight!

Definitely going down that route with a few hours rather than a night it's too much even to think about it.

Personally at 2 months, no, there was no way I would have left my dd overnight. She was still bf and we were bedsharing. She did stay for about 2 hours though with my mum at 6 weeks and we went to lunch together, which was tough the first time, but it gets easier. We didn't leave her for an evening out until she was 7 months old (again with my mum) for a wedding. We literally dropped her off after the ceremony, went to the wedding breakfast and were back at the hotel by 10pm (mum came with us and stayed in the room next door, but sat in our room in the evening while our daughter was sleeping).

By then, yes, I felt ready, but no not at 2 months. We were exhausted and the last thing I wanted to do at that point was hold a conversation with other adults. I just wanted to sleep and sit down and eat a meal alone. By 7 months, yes, dinner and drinks out was lovely and I think necessary, but definitely it wasn't time for an overnight yet. Grandparents in our case are too old really for nighttime baby care and it would have been too much to ask, so I wouldn't have felt safe (in case, mum fell asleep holding her or didn't wake when she cried). We left her overnight for the first time at 2 years, which was lovely, but for us that was the right time and it was also a better age for our older parents and the night times weren't so intense and exhausting.

What about just a few hours out in the evening and back by 10 so that you don't have to do a full overnight and can build up to it?