Separation anxiety- any advice VERY gratefully received!

[Litteroftwo]

Help! It is driving me potty!!!
I have twin boys, aged 3.5 yrs. They have been going to their current nursery for over a year now.
In May we had a car accident and due to my injuries, I could not drive or work for nearly 3 months. The boys still went to nursery as friends were able to help out but I was always around.
Since my return to work one twin cannot leave me alone. He will scream, cry, tell me he has tummy ache, even make himself sick through crying when I drop him at nursery and today when I dropped him at my mum's. He won't let my husband put him to bed or even look after him so if I nip out on my own, he will run to our back gate and scream mummy until I get back... it means I have no one on one time with my other son and every drop off is stressful. What do I do? I've done reward charts, bribery, reasoning and I have not let him miss nursery due to his tantrums but what else can I do?

Have you spoken to the nursery staff about it? Does he settle after you've gone?

He settles after 10-15 minutes. He is totally playing me I know- but how do I win?

It could be an attention thing, but given the accident it could also be that he's worried that something awful will happen to you if he lets you out of his sight. If that's the case he needs reassurance but also a chance to learn that it's safe and ok for you to go out and about and be away from him sometimes.

I would suggest:

1. figure out how you would be doing things if he wasn't reacting like this (i.e., how much you'd go out, how much childcare DH would do etc) and then do it that way, no matter his reaction.

2. during the time you do spend with him, lovebomb him with lots of cuddles and fun and lightheartedness

3. encourage him to talk about any worries he has and reassure him that everything is going to be alright

Sorry to hear you've been through such a horrible experience. I hope you are on the mend

Could he have a dm photo in his nursery tray and one of your scarves on his peg? Material evidence you are going back for him!!

Thanks for the replies and advice- it's been a trying day again but we have tried to chat about his worries and he has agreed to look after something for me when he is at nursery.... fingers crossed!

Good luck! Sounds like the last thing you need ATM

Why is your husband allowing him to scream at the gate until you get home?? That's absurd. He needs to deal with the situation, not just let it escalate.