Wedding: Do I attend?

[Blueeyes91]

Hey all,

I'm quite new, so I'm really sorry if I'm posting in the wrong area.

Last year one of my best friends asked me to be her bridesmaid. I instantly said yes. Then this summer she purchased all the bridesmaid dresses, shoes and jewellery (she's supper organised).

Well since agreeing to the bridesmaid and sorting the dress, I've fallen pregnant. I'm due to give birth mid April and her wedding is at the very start of June 2018.

I live in London and her wedding is in Glasgow. My partner and I have planned to drive up and stay in a hotel. Only now that plan is going to include a wee baby. Who will be being BF...

I'm not sure if I should be going, it's a long way to travel. That dress is definitely not going to fit me. And I'm worried how it will be for baby...

My best friend and I do clash a little and so it's not uncommon for us to fall out. Unfortunately I know a lot of her responses already, before I even say I'm not going (not that I've fully decided). I already know telling her I'm pregnant isn't going to go down well.

What would you do? Am I over thinking this?

Edit..
I didn't realise the baby would be 4-6 weeks
You can't bridesmaid, but you could probably attend as guest

Train train train
Baby shouldn't be in a car seat for more that 3 hours in 24hrs
Even the car seat companies State that.

Plus my ds would scream blue murder, hated hated the car seat at that age.

Sling and bf-ing on train would be the only way I'd consider the journey.
(I live in London, but studied in Edinburgh)

Like others have said, this is simply something you can't predict.
You might be absolutely fine, baby might not be breastfeeding anyway despite your intentions, it might sleep the entire wedding on your stomach and all be as straightforward as you hope.
Or you might have had a horribly complicated pregnancy and birth, be still bleeding and exhausted, baby have colic and need all sorts of extra support ... For all you know at this stage, baby might be twins!
I think the best you can do is lay this out to the bride and say look, I'll do as you want, but I won't fit into the dress, I may be able to walk down the aisle but I won't be able to do much more as I'll have a baby attached to me all day, it's up to you, and I'll try my hardest to be there, but you may want to rethink while you have the chance.
Don't underestimate how physically exhausting giving birth is. And as others have said, you can't have a baby in a carseat for seven hours, it's not safe. And it won't be seven hours as you'll have to stop to feed, which will add literally hours to the journey.

When my baby was between 5-7weeks he wanted to feed constantly and was attached to. Feedings were also so long and because he was cluster feeding there was no set pattern. Read up on growth spurts at 6 weeks and the first Wonder Week Leap. I would have felt really anxious travelling but every baby is different. My family love 5 hours away and we are visiting for the first time this weekend- babe is really 10 weeks. Even at that i don't particularly want to go because of the travel and visiting etc. Don't go through your pregnancy worrying about it. Have a good think of your options.

Equally though, you may end up bottle feeding (or expressing for the day) , with your baby feeding once every 3 hours, and your lartner/husband could be doing that.

I'd have been fine being a bridesmaid still, bar needing a bigger dress. But you may not be, so I think it's time to have an honest chat with the bride, and work out what you think is viable.

If you really want to go, you'd manage it in terms of the travel.

I drove London to Newcastle on my own with my 7 week old baby in June. Baby in a lie-flat car seat, a very long lunch stop half way in which she fed twice and the drive was done in two 3-hour stints. I'd booked a Premier Inn with free cancellation in case I needed to break the journey over night but in the event didn't need it. Glasgow is that bit further but with a couple of good stops it's certainly not impossible.

As others have said, the train is really quick and cheaper than driving if you book in advance.

And travelling with baby much easier than toddler. I don't see why you'd need an escort if DH going too: he can look after the baby while you are busy.

I would plan to go, and change if there were a good reason after the birth.

You might be very glad of an outing and it is your best friend's wedding

Your baby will never be so portable (or stay in one place), ever again. I say this from bitter experience as a bridesmaid last weekend whilst DH looked after a teething, wriggly DD. Take the train, take the sling, take it easy and enjoy. Give your friend the option of minor bridesmaid role/or guest. At 4-9 weeks post partum, you may even be craving a change of scene.

I took my three-week old to a wedding - her grandmother's second wedding, to be precise.
I took her to her great aunty's second wedding when she was eight months old.
She was also a breast fed infant. I delayed her morning feed by an hour and gave it to her right before the ceremony so she'd sleep through it, it worked both times, she was a superstar. We attended the reception of the first one and she wasn't fussed by the music at all. The second was further for us to get home so we left after the ceremony.
As for the dress, it was my little lady who had to wear the ridiculous outfit, on the first occasion, not myself. But it made her grandma happy to see her granddaughter all dressed up in something flowery, so what the heck. I was surprised it didn't get spit-up on it for as long as it did (four hours)!
Had it been me requested to wear a pre-pregnancy sized dress, I wouldn't have been happy about it because I would have been sure I wouldn't have been able to manage it! If your friend can't be reasonable, don't go. End of discussion. Your comfort as a new mum HAS to come first, before that dress and, yes, sadly, before your friendship.
She'll come round and either let you wear your own comfortable dress in the same colour, or be happy you could make it and sit with baby but not be a bridesmaid, but just be happy for her.
Good luck! Brides are difficult sometimes!

Don't make yourself feel guilty about this OP. It's hardly out of the question that one of the bridesmaids could get pregnant within a year, and really she shouldn't have got the dresses so early (bodies can change a lot in a year, even if you're not pregnant!). Bridesmaid duties could add more stress than you'll need, depending on how high-maintenance the bride is (can you just rock up to the creemony or will she expect you to attend her for hours beforehand, etc.?). I think it's perfectly reasonable to just ask to be a normal guest so that you're not under pressure if you do decide to go. And if you can book to stay at the venue so that you can slope off to feed/sleep then all the better! Equally, if she's going to be unreasonable about it then just decline the invite outright. You and your baby have to come first.

Let us know how it goes!

I flew Bristol to Glasgow with my 6 week old dd for a wedding, it went well.

Hmm I think you should go. I missed my best friend's wedding as I gave birth the day before (no way I could attend!) and was supposed to be bridesmaid. She understood when I pulled out of being bridesmaid (her wedding was two weeks after my due date) and totally understood when I couldn't go (my baby was obviously late!).

But - years later - I feel incredibly sad that I missed that really special day of hers.

I'll be honest - I've been to weddings with babies and it's not fun. It's just not the same. I would say don't go if it wasn't such a close friend of yours.

Pull out of being a bridesmaid, but try and find a way to attend. Your little one will be 6 weeks, they're definitely very portable at 6 weeks.

I am having this exact same issue (due in April, wedding in June, scan tomorrow), but wedding is in Greece! Apologies I haven't RTFT but it's a tricky one.

Flying with a 2 month old is a faff but ok (they will just sleep and bf), not sure about such a long drive but I guess you could stop lots to feed. Is the wedding in a hotel? If so you can pop back to your room to bf, change baby, rest if you need or put baby to bed if it's getting really overtired/overstimulated by all the people and noise. The wedding we are going to is not in a hotel and in the middle of nowhere so I will have no sanctuary to retreat to so I'm either going to try to persuade my parents to come with us to look after baby for a few hours, or I am even considering just going to Greece for 24 hours and leaving baby back in the UK with its grandparents. I realise the last option is not for everyone - I probably wouldn't have done it with my DC1/PFB but this is DC4 and I'm confident I can get baby on a bottle as well as bfing, know I can express enough for 24 hours and feel very comfortable leaving baby with my parents.

All this being said if you feel uncomfortable and unhappy just do not go! She will get over it. And if she doesn't she's not worth having as a friend.

Good luck with your scan!

Totally agree with the above 'weddings with babies are just not the same.' Yep, it's doable but you will be a bit tense and focussed on baby rather than the events/having fun. It's just the way it is.

We went to a wedding when DD was 12 days old. It was a 2 hour drive and we didn't stay over but we did it because they're our best friends and we didn't want to miss out on their day.

I'd probably pull out of being bridesmaid as it'll be a lot more work when you have a lot to do already but still go as a guest. that way you can buy a new dress more suited to BF, enjoy the day a little and people would probably love to cuddle the baby and give you a little bit of a break.

Fly you can do it cheap with easy jet I fly glasgow to london to visit my friend. Last time I went ds2 was about 19 weekd i went alone with 2 under 5's. When they are tiny is the easiest time.

I would bow out of being a bridesmaid though tell her you want her day to be all about her so can you please be demoted. Make it sound like it's because you don't want her to compromise on her special day.

Its honeslty not that hard travelling with a tiny baby once they are mobile it's murder.

Okay - so firstly the fact that she will be upset you are pregnant is bonkers.

Tell her immediately that you won't be being a bridesmaid under any circumstances (literally insane - you might have a 4 week old baby) I was breastfeeding for hours on end all day long at that point. I also hadn't slept properly since the birth!

You cannot let this wedding and anxiety around it spoil the first weeks after your baby is born! that is what will happen if you agree to be there.

Tell her you will only come if it is a decision you can leave until after the baby is born.

If she isn't prepared to go along with that then tell her politely you don't want to let her down but you can't commit right now.

If she won't accept that she isn't a good friend.

Only you know in your heart what you want to do and your friend should be supportive with whatever you decide.

I was a a bridesmaid at my best friends wedding when my 2nd daughter was 3 weeks old. My eldest was 3 and a flower girl.

We drove from Glasgow to Paignton in Devon and it was wonderful. We did lots of stops, My parents came with us and drove. I was breastfeeding and everyone was very helpful and supportive. We even had evening off as I pumped.

I wouldn't have missed her wedding for the world and it was worth all the effort. We all had an absolutely wonderful time and with happy mmemories

Sorry for typos - on my phone!

I was MOH for my best friend six weeks after I had my DD, because she knew early on we shopped for a dress that would more than likely fit post birth and I had the straps altered for breast feeding. It was only a two hour journey though. She was fine with me nipping out to feed every now and then whilst we were getting ready, and as my DH looked after her during the ceremony, and I fed her straight after. It wasn't easy, and I couldn't relax as much, but was glad that I was able to share her day

Yes I'd go. Wild horses wouldn't have kept me from my best friends wedding, and she was my head bridesmaid 23 days after having twins. But I would decline to be a bridesmaid, that's more exhausting than a new born in my opinion. I would also fly. Small babies are super portable in my experience.

I was bridesmaid for my SIL when my DD was just over 3 weeks old. It was all a bit of a blur to be honest and my focus was on my DD entirely, I barely remember walking down the aisle etc. I had a good day though and i'm glad i did it, but my SIL is super relaxed so i felt no pressure either way. Baby was absolutely fine, slept most of the time - it was more my recovery and size (think whale) that put me off a bit!

However it wasn't that far away from home - in your situation I'm not sure i would have gone. However we did drive to Belgium when our DD was 9 weeks old so a considerable distance and doable with a bit of planning. Plus you sound like your friend isn't all that supportive of you (saying that you can imagine her responses already reminds me of some of my 'friends')

As others have said, its hard to predict now how you will be - there are so many variables. Explain that to your friend and go from there - if she can be flexible (i.e. return the dress and let you get one that's stretchy/feeding friendly, walk down the aisle but no other 'jobs' etc) then that'll make it much less stressful for you.

If it was me and my best friend reacted badly to me telling her I was pregnant because of the impact it would have on her wedding day, I think that would be decision made about whether I go to her wedding or not! I wouldn't go.

However, if she surprises you and is supportive and excited for you, I would fly to Glasgow, attend the wedding but possibly pull out of being a bridesmaid...or perhaps look into getting a different dress!

A good friend of mine came to my wedding when her baby was 6 weeks old. She wasn't a bridesmaid though. I think it involved a 4 hour drive for them. I would have understood if they had pulled out but it was wonderful having them there. My friend was slightly mortified when her baby threw up down my wedding dress though

Just saw your update re public transport and prices. With a two together railcard and booking far in advance on specific trains you can easily do it for less than the cost of petrol.