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Original poster

Chrismas at my parents or his with new baby

24 replies

leah167 · 22/09/2017 21:36

Hello
So my baby will be 4 months old when Christmas comes around!
I thought we could have Christmas at my moms house then Boxing Day at his parents house. If we had to see all family Christmas Day we would be driving most of the day and I dint to be on a time limit with my family. He obviously wants to see his family Christmas but we were at his family the whole of Christmas Day last year as I wasn't really speaking to my family around that time. I don't want to be mean but I don't want to drag my son around to be held all day. That will just turn into a very stressful day and we won't enjoy it.
What are your suggestions?

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Beardedandbalded · 22/09/2017 21:38

Start as you mean to go on and stay home on Christmas Day, and do your visiting on Boxing Day. Now is the time to start your own traditions!

Calmanrose · 22/09/2017 21:38

Stay at home

domesticslattern · 22/09/2017 21:38

Stay at home × 10000000

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FATEdestiny · 22/09/2017 21:39

Have them at yours. This is much easier with a baby, because you have everything you need right there.

Winteriscomingneedmorewood · 22/09/2017 21:40

I suggest you start off with your own 'traditions' at home with dh and dc. Invite others to you at your own discretion. .
Or you will be forever more spending Christmas pleasing others and most of the day in the car!!

acornsandnuts · 22/09/2017 21:40

Stay home. 20 plus years in and there's still grief every year.

TittyGolightly · 22/09/2017 21:40

Don't fall into that trap at all. Xmas with 1 on 17th and the other on the 23rd. Spend the 25th doing whatever you want to.

BikeRunSki · 22/09/2017 21:41

At home. Both families come over/visit. Everyone cooks.

Waddlelikeapenguin · 22/09/2017 21:43

Stay at home they can visit you for afternoon mince pies or something similar that means you dont get stuck doing lots of prep. All three of mine screamed for all car journeys at 4 months old.

You will be grateful you started this way when you dont need to drag a sobbing 2/3/4/5 yr old away from their new toys to go visiting....

HeddaGarbled · 22/09/2017 21:45

Have a lovely quiet Christmas at home, just the 3 of you. You can do your visiting after Christmas.

Figgygal · 22/09/2017 21:47

How about just Stay at home just you 3?

SoPassRemarkable · 22/09/2017 21:50

Yep, stay at home. Because otherwise next year you'll be expected to go to the other one...
And on and on and on for years.

And xmas is for kids, as baby gets older they want to be at home playing with presents.

Coconut0il · 22/09/2017 21:58

Whatever works best for you. We alternate now but for DS1's first Christmas I went to my mom's and DP went to his. It was only for a few hours over lunchtime and we had plenty of time at home.
I've only cooked a Christmas dinner once in the 16 years we've been together. DS1 cried the whole time I was doing it, i didn't enjoy it and I didn't even want to eat it when it was ready.
I'd just do whatever makes you all happy. Staying in all day with 2 DC and having all the family round would not work for me.

Original poster

leah167 · 22/09/2017 21:58

Understand staying at home! But last year was really hard for me due to arguments with my family and we are all really close. We are very family orientated specially on Christmas!
I don't really want to cook either when my mom makes the best Christmas dinners!
We are currently in a rented house and it's not the best as I can't justify spending another £400 on agency fees!!! So don't really want people to come to us and I like to try and not stay at home as much as possible..
Feel like I will hurt my partner and his family because of this. Will probably stay at home next year when we've moved out and are in a better house.

OP posts:

RB68 · 22/09/2017 22:03

Stay home, do one family before and one after but stay home. Babies are not interesting at Christmas till they "get" christmas and then there are big arguments about where to go

Aquamarine1029 · 22/09/2017 22:07

For this year only, I say go to both families on Christmas day and then stay home, just the 3 of you, for a nice relaxing Boxing Day. One day of craziness and then the whole next day to relax and enjoy your little family.

Original poster

leah167 · 22/09/2017 22:09

Reason for now wanting to drive on Christmas
My partner was driving from house to house Christmas and was on his way back to my house and he rolled his car and hit a tree. VERY lucky to be alive. I know it's not something to be worried about happening again but it worries me still so much!! Specially with my son on board this time

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Original poster

leah167 · 22/09/2017 22:09

Not*

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Original poster

leah167 · 22/09/2017 22:10

That's why I would like to keep driving to bare minimum

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BackforGood · 22/09/2017 22:13

I wouldn't stay at home.
Why clean the house and cook when you could be being waited upon?

Plus, when you or your baby have had enough, you can leave someone else's house, but it is harder to find that peace and quiet if people have been invited round to you.

It would seem fair and reasonable to go to your family if you were with his last year. I wouldn't go for strictly alternating though - there will come a time when it is easier to stay at home.
Tell his family that your dc will be much more interesting / interested in things next year though.

PsychoPumpkin · 22/09/2017 22:14

If you were at his parents last year then go to your parents. Alternate.
We have done this for the last few years but honestly we are giving it up this year and staying home Xmas day and doing our visiting on boxing day, looking forward to it. Stretching yourselves too thin and binding over backwards to please your families won't end up with your little family having a great stress free xmas.

HeddaGarbled · 23/09/2017 00:39

That driving reason is a bit daft. You could have an accident driving to or from your parents just as easily as driving between your parents and his. That sounds a bit of a made up reason to me.

You say you are really close to your family and that you are family orientated especially at Christmas but last Christmas you were having arguments so didn't see them? That's not really the behaviour of a close family.

And finally, you don't want to cook Christmas dinner because your mum's is the best ever. You are a grown up now, you are a mum yourself. We've all been there, cooking our first Christmas dinner, serving up undercooked roast potatoes and overcooked turkey. But we got better with practice.

FATEdestiny · 23/09/2017 09:21

The driving thing does smack of excuse rather than reason. And if you genuinely don't want to drive then staying at yours and having people come to you is the answer.

Your mum may well make a great Christmas dinner. You are a parent now, it's becoming the time to hand the mantle over to yourself. When you were growing up and your mum doing these fantastic Christmas dinners, did she invite grandparents to the big family meal too? That's the way it worked in our family. Your parents are now the grandparents. It's a bit like growing up.

If you're parents when you were a child didn't invite grandparents to their christmas dinner and grandparents did their own thing, then maybe that is your answer. Family tradition could be to move celebrations to your nuclear family unit.

Deciding to prioritise your parents over his is not the way forward. At least not unless it is alternated each year.

Gillian1980 · 23/09/2017 11:38

We stay at home and see family xmas eve and Boxing Day. We sometimes have single family members over for the day as they stay with different family members each year.

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