Hi, I'm new to mumsnet so please excuse me if I don't use the correct prefixes. I am a first time Mama to a beautiful almost 7 month old baby boy. Me and DH are struggling with the fact we have 3 recently estranged grandparents out of the 4 and 1 estranged Uncle out of 2.
My DH's parents were very unhelpful and saw our baby once when he was 2 weeks old and haven't seen him since nor have they asked to see him. My DH's only brother has not came to see his nephew once and is yet to meet him and he has not been in contact. DH fell out with his Dad and his Dad sent a text message so easily severing the relationship and both him and my mother in law have not made attempt to contact since. It breaks my heart that they haven't once contacted me to ask to see their grandchild (they have only seen him once.)
Since that time my own Mother has estranged herself. Me and her have always had a strained relationship as she had narcissistic tendencies and I have struggled to deal with her behaviour over the years. I have always tried though to get the love and support from her that she has never have; I have cried out for this all my life constantly striving to please her and live up to her oh so high expectations as nothing I do is ever enough for her. It seems she expects people to bend over backwards for her yet gives nothing in return. I would like to think we had been getting on a little better right up until I became pregnant with her first and only grandchild. She had not supported me in anyway through my pregnancy not the way mothers should in any shape or form. When I was in my early crucial stages of pregnancy she would think nothing of stressing me out with her minor health ailments and trips to A & E telling me she had cancer when it only ended up being a minor bowel issue. She would think nothing of calling me up late at night expecting me and DH to drive all way across town to pick her up whilst I was pregnant and we both had work early next day from said a and e after all of the saga (no thought for anybody else.) She lives ten minute taxi ride away and isn't short of cash. She also had a nother hospital episode a few weeks back and again was found to to have minor bowel condition despite her again saying she had cancer and wanting me to bring our baby into hospital at the end of visiting hours (daytime wasn't good enough for her) with no regard for him picking anything up and germs and no regard for his bedtime with an hours notice when we live over an hour away from the hospital. She was 'dying' yet eating birthday cake and gallivanting around the hospital and leaving the grounds and going to the park. She in my opinion was taking a hospital bed up somebody else could have had as she was an outpatient and forcefully admitted herself! Also my mother expected me and DH to come pick her up at exact time of her choosing and take her home for a cup of tea so she could get more clothes then take her back to hospital and drive all way back again across town in traffic with our baby back and forwards (us picking her clothes up and taking then to her wasn't good enough.) As if this isn't bad enough she had no regard for our son and her fragile mental state and would think nothing over sitting crying in front of him and him picking up on her stress.
We fell out because of her unnecessary demands she was placing on me (basically if you don't dance to her tune she spits her dummy out like a child.) I told her I am a mother now and my son comes first (I cannot adhere to her unnecessary demands anymore). My mother is an attention seeker and does not show love or support to others. She has never made the effort to come over herself to see myself or her grandson or invited us over to her place and seen him a handful of times since he was born (all of the times she has seen him I have arranged.) She has been lying to everything saying that since I because pregnant I have distanced myself which is not true and she has also been lying saying I havent wanted her to come over. She has only said those things in defence to others asking why she doesn't see her grandchild much. My mother cares very much in what others think and likes to look good to them even if she has to twist the truth and make stories up. She really isn't bothered as if she was she would have supported me and have seen her grandchild ( she has passed where I live many times but had no interest in stopping by.) To cut a long story short things escalated and my mother severed the relationship just like that; she cannot take any form of criticism yet can dish it out to everybody else. This was acouple weeks ago and she hasn't been back in touch and hasn't asked to see her grand child (she hadn't seen him in months now.) I don't know what to do and how to cope with all of this? My dad is very loving and supportive where he can be but suffers from mental health problems and due to that cannot do alot but his love means the world to me. He is divorced from my Mam ( they were still friends but she has also recently servered all ties to him again over sheer pettiness.) I have an extremely great relationship with DH and we love our baby to bits but find it difficult and utterly heart breaking that our son will grow up with one uncle (my brother), one granddad (my dad) and no other relatives, no cousins, nobody else. Possibly he may have a brother or sister if we decide to have a second in the not too distant future. Also I get upset when I see big happy families and mothers and daughters who are like best friends with loads of people buzzing around new parents as for me and my DH it has been very lonely with no support. We have done everything ourselves and entirely on our own. I am so angry at all of them and still in sheer disbelief. The time in my life I needed them the most and they do this now. Me and my other half have pandered to these people for years and the minute we need support they severe ties! Our wonderful baby boy is the first and only grandchild on both sides which makes their behaviour even more alarming. Where do we go from here? Comments would be much appreciated. Thank you...