When friends' parents don't speak English

[Claennister]

How do people find it organising things when friends' parents don't speak any languages in common with you? My daughter has a few close friends at school I have no language in common with, even as a bridge language, and I hate trying to organise things like sleepover parties and "dangerous" activities like going to a climbing centre, or the trampoline park where they were required to sign a waiver (in English only?? In 2017??) when we can't communicate clearly about it. Their child likes to play translator, but I'm not happy with "My mum says I can" coming from a 12 year old kid with a vested interest in fudging the result. She makes a phone call home that lasts about 5 minutes back and forth then says "Mum said it's fine" - really? That's all she said, she was very verbose about it!

Mum and dad are terrified to talk. I have sent a few Google Translated messages to them in Polish but if anything comes back it's a few words in English "Is OK, good" which doesn't really tell me if they have any idea what is happening. I don't want to keep letting my daughter go over there when I don't have their say-so that it's OK, it doesn't feel polite, but then it feels even nastier to keep making them talk to me in English when they don't want to do that. But then, they live in an English speaking country, that was a choice they made. When I lived in France I was required to do all my dealings in French. Does anyone have prior experience here?

Obviously I could start learning Polish now, but it's going to be a while before I can say anything useful.

I think you should relax a little. If it is you taking their child somewhere and they are happy to allow their child to act as a translator, then respect their decision. They can always say no, or attempt to communicate with you (via google tanslate if necessary) if they are unsure or unhappy.

I've been this parent. The best thing is texts, in English, not translator. The few times people tried to use translator was actually worse than them just sending me the actual information. They can probably read and understand enough to figure out what's going on. Children are not reliable translators, I agree. I am really grateful to the parents that didn't leave my children out because of my crappy grasp of the language, now I'm fine but in the early days I would be lost if they called me and preferred texts that I could decipher in my own time. We're different as we live in DH's country so he is fluent, but he is as useless as a fish on a bicycle, as he rightly said that unless I went in at the deep end I would never learn. The more you communicate the more they will understand. How long have they been in the UK? They probably understand a lot more than they seem to and maybe they are just shy.

I am not 100% sure if stuff happening means it's OK. If your child turns up at your house with a playmate and says "Her mum says it's OK" - is it OK? It wasn't OK with me either, but I can't just put their child out because I wasn't asked, I have to talk to my child about it later and say don't do that. So there are a number of times I have theirs over here and it's not OK, there are times they have mine over and I would like to establish if it's actually OK or just they had to put up with her. Are they irritated/annoyed/furious that I keep sending my daughter over to play and it's so rude? You know how for the most part people don't say how they feel, they just complain to their friends about this dreadful rude person who keeps imposing on them? At least if I were talking to the parents I could feel more like I have asked them, thanked them, interacted with them.

Am I supposed to believe a child who says "My mum says it's OK if you sign a safety waiver for me"? (The venue accepts waivers signed by whoever brings the children). I would be out of my mind angry if I found out someone signed a legally binding paper waiving my right to sue after an accident involving my child because my child told them I said it was OK but they didn't check! They won't have a go at the papers, though, or even text me and say "yes, you sign it". Surely they must be dealing with such papers for school activities, there's no way the school is accepting "My mum says I can go". Or can I infer that having told them what they're doind and that a waiver is required to be signed by someone, then they send their child on the day, that is their acceptance that I can proceed as necessary?

They have been here 2 years now, so they are unlikely to make a sudden leap in language fluency. They work and socialise within the existing Polish community, you can do quite a bit around here without circulating into the English speaking world if that's your choice.

If your child turns up at your house with a playmate and says "Her mum says it's OK" - is it OK?

At age 12, yes. Or if you are still worried, then tell kid "no, not Ok unless your parents text me" Or don't take that particular child to higher risk activities like high ropes/trampolining if it makes you uncomfortable.

If my 12 year old lied to a parent and told them I'd agreed something I hadn't, my beef would be with him not that parent.