DH being sarcastic when he's angry

[MyOtherNameIsAFordFiesta]

DS is 3. He's mostly reasonably well behaved, but if he's tired and/or hungry he'll act up. I try to respond to this calmly, explain what is wrong with his behaviour, and tell him what I need him to do (e.g. "DS, I know you're tired, but you can't lie down on the pavement. You need to take my hand and keep walking; we're nearly at the car"). This usually works fairly well.

However, DH gets much more wound up about DS's behaviour than I do. He'll start yelling, which generally winds DS up and the situation gets worse. What I'm most concerned about, though, is that DH gets really sarcastic when he's angry.

So, today, when we were out shopping, and DS got tired and tried to sit down on the floor of a shop, DH started yelling "That's great, DS; I'm SO glad you decided to sit down! This is turning into such a great trip!". Or if DS spills something, DH will say "Oh, well done, DS, that's great!" and stomp off to get a cloth (my response would be more like "Oh, DS, you spilled that and made a mess! You need to watch where you're walking! Now go and get a cloth to clean it up". And then once we've cleaned the mess up, I'll show him that he should leave his cup on the table in future, not on the floor).

When DH starts yelling, DS just stands there looking confused. He clearly has no idea what to do. I'm aware that it's not an effective way to discipline him, but I'm worried that it might actually be damaging. Does anyone have any thoughts on whether sarcasm in that kind of situation could really hurt DS? Should I talk to DH about it and ask him to stop?

I would just say 'OH name you do realise that he can not understand sarcasim so basically you are telling him this is a good thing

Sorry forgot to say, I'm sarcastic as fuck but when I started secondary school the other kids didn't understand my 'humour' and it was therefore rightly classed as bullying. Until someone told me others were being upset i had bo idea.

Exactly what isthistoonosy said and in the long run your ds will learn to copy this with others it won't make him popular.

In my opinion it's just rude.
Would he speak to others with the same sarcastic tone?
DS needs guidance, not rude sarcasm.

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/blog/passive-aggressive-diaries/201110/very-funny-why-sarcasm-is-no-laughing-matter-kids%3famp

Here it is described as passive aggressive and a form of verbal abuse and suggests it can damage a child's self esteem.

Thanks. That article was helpful, @Gillian1980. You've all articulated what I've been thinking.

DS does respond fairly well to just being told directly what he's done wrong and what he needs to do instead, so it's frustrating to see DH confusing him and yelling at him.

Any tips on broaching this with DH? His approach to discipline was originally to just yell quite aggressively at DS. I've had to show him that aggression doesn't achieve anything and just makes things worse, as DS gets scared and freezes. He's seen how I talk to him calmly and that that works better, so he tries to do that now, but his instinct is still aggression.

He gets embarrassed if DS acts up in public, even when I try to explain that lots of 3 year olds do that, and that yelling is just drawing more attention to it - I think he likes to be seen to be dealing with it. He can also be unrealistic in what he expects of DS, again because he gets embarrassed. For example, DS is a child who likes to be familiar with a situation before he joins in, so at playgroup, for instance, the leaders have said he likes to sit at the side and watch. I said that's fine, as long as he's happy enough, and he does the things he has to do (like sitting at the table for smack time) - he'll join in once he's comfortable. But DH insists it's weird, and annoying for the leaders, and we should tell them to make him join in. This is purely because DH thinks it's "weird" to sit at the side and that "all kids want to play".

I've thought of us both doing some kind of parenting course, but there's no way DH would agree to it, so I'm thinking maybe a book that we could both read or something like that? I don't want to make out that DH is clueless and I have it all sorted, because that's not the case, but I'm aware that DH has one discipline "strategy" and it isn't working for DS.

Make him watch something like super nanny.... I'm sure there must be an episode or two with a parent he can relate to 😊