Is anyone raising small children with no family around?

[loobylou124]

I'm looking to hear stories from people with babies or small children, who have absolutely no family support whatsoever. I mean, nothing. Not because they live far away, but because either they've passed away or you're no longer in touch with them. No birthday cards for the children, no phone calls, no emails ... just a vacuum.

That's it really ... tell me about it. Tell me how you manage, what you feel, what's difficult, what isn't so bad. This is the future that DH and I have ahead of us when we have children (hopefully soon!) and we know it's going to be seriously rough. It breaks my heart to think that there won't be anyone to celebrate our new arrival with, or to give us advice, or watch our little ones grow up. We're trying to be as prepared as possible, to give ourselves and our children the best possible chance of happiness. We'd welcome any advice and thoughts, and would love to hear about your experiences. Just knowing we're not the only ones going through this would make a world of difference.

Thank you so much xx

Just a thought but don't forget people other than family can be important in your children's lives. For example, I have several godchildren and have always sent them birthday cards, presents, emails, phone calls etc. Some of them live further away than others so face to face visits have varied.
So although I'm not in your situation I would suggest that you think of some friends you are close to who would make good people in your children's lives - I'm sure you can have a secular equivalent of godparents if you're not planning a baptism. (eg an honorary 'auntie').

Ok so I break your rules by having family 3+hrs away, but we do still struggle on many of the points you raise.

We have a 'family' of friends in our local area who are similar age, have similar aged children and who are our family basically. They step in for emergency childcare, pop in at weekends, we share highs and lows, give advice to each other etc. Our family live so far away that they see us perhaps once every 2-3 months.

I would say the hardest things to juggle for us are when children are sick and both parents need to be in work. We had to take emergency leave.

Also things like nativities/school events/dance shows etc where grandparents often get involved, it's all on me and DH due to logistics. of getting GPs down to us. In these instances, godparents step in.

I would suggest you create a strong network of parents in your local area who are like minded and have similar aged children to you. You will need them for support as much as your child will.

You just cope, get in with it. Both our mums lived 2 hours away, so we did get birthday cards, but no immediate help.
Both ds's have been rarely ill, which was lucky, so I've only ever needed to take a couple of days off here and there.
No support. But Dh and I managed just fine.

In Ds2's primary playground there are many many grandparents, picking the children up every day. but there are also plenty of people who have no support at all and you find it is actually ok.

Not quite the same as I have a lovely supportive family that would love to be involved, but we are living in the US at the moment and all our family is in UK so we see them a few times a year if that.

You have to build your own support network. Friends with similar aged kids so you can hang out together, a reliable babysitter if we do want to go out, and a good nursery have been essential for us. And fortunately some flexibility in our working hours to allow for picking up and sick kids etc.

It's hard when I hear friends saying their mum is watching the toddler so they can get their hair cut or go out with DH, but you do get used to it. And you realise lots of people are in the same situation and you all help each other out

Me. Single parent of two young children. Both my parents have died.

But you know what, there are loads and loads and loads of us out there without any family help. Especially in London and south east. We just get in with it. Buck stops with us. It has its positives.

I know this is an old message to which I’m replying … But I want to inspire others , Here my Story I’m not going into details but I lost all my family , I have no one and my partner died of bone cancer leaving me in 2020 the week of our little girls 6th Birthday , my Mum died 2 week after of lung Cancer my dad died the year before , I am on my own with learning difficulties and I have days n nights when I don’t understand why the world keeps going , The point is I love my child more than life and I could never leave her in this world with out me so that’s what pulls me through , tomorrows not ever promised and just because I’ve no family does not mean I can’t be the best version of me , Plus I’m thinking of just adopting or fostering a whole family , nothing is impossible it’s just hard work , look at all the elderly in care homes and children in care homes , it’s never to late to make a family even if you have not got one , there is always a way , Because there is always HOPE !!!!