Am I wrong to criticise??

[ch24]

Hi everyone!! I have a 8week old girl and she's literally the best baby from day one she's sleep through the night she's a delight but when she cries like all babies do my partner loses his temper very quickly he's had 3 children and she's my first so he pretty much knows what to do but I panic when I'm not in the room and he's yelling saying stop crying he's not violent in any way and would never hurt anyone but I have patience and he doesn't am I wrong to say don't shout at my daughter cause I don't agree with it ???

With six children I can honestly say we never shouted through their babyhood. A bit later yes but as a tiny baby never. My husband spent hours walking the first baby, in a pram, round and round a local school field to calm her. He couldn't stand any of them crying but tried every possible method to calm them when I needed a break. I'd be quite concerned about an adult shouting at a baby. Teach him to put her in her crib and walk away, closing the door behind him. The concern is a shout becomes a shake - they are just a hairs breadth apart.

Shouting at a baby?! Wtf?! Protect her, poor thing must get scared .

No idiot needs telling not to shout at an 8 week old btw, your partner is choosing to do it. Sick fucker he is.

ch24 shouting at a baby really, really isn't normal behaviour.

We have twins, for most of their first year there was .always at least one baby awake.

They both had colic for the first 4 months and one of them suffered from night terrors. Therr was lots of crying.

My DH has a responsible, stressful job, he would never never have shouted at a crying baby.

You need to think carefully about this and speak to him (at a calm time) about his behaviour.

Thankyou so much everyone I appreciate all the advice and I will definitely talk to him about this he's never raised his voice at me so it does worry me

I have never shouted at my baby, neither has my DP. I have once or twice gone into a separate room and shouted, due to extreme sleep deprivation and frustration. But you really can't be tolerating him shouting at your baby, it is wrong and unacceptable. The danger is, as PP have said, that a shout becomes a shake and something terrible happens. I cannot emphasis enough that it isn't ok for him to do this.

Never. Shout. At. A. Baby.
If you lose your rag and are driven to distraction, I can see it happening once. But that person should be mortified and heartbroken that it ever happened.
Having fathered three kids already is no guarantee that he knows what he's doing. Especially if he thinks shouting is ok.
He made need help and moral support (as all new parents do). No shame if he asks a friend or relative if you aren't available. Lots of shame if he deals with it by shouting at his baby.

Babies cry because they need something. It's the only way they know how to communicate. Their cry is designed to get a response from a adult.

That response should be to try and provide what the baby needs, be it food, warmth comfort whatever.

Shouting at a baby achieves nothing apart from upsetting everyone

He might have three older children but that doesn't mean he "knows what to do". He blatantly doesn't know.

A baby would be terrified by being shouted at. If I ever felt close v to and with my first baby ( who slept for two hours a night), I it her down somewhere safe and walked away for a few moments.
No one should ever express their and to a baby.

It is never ok to shout at a baby.

Ever.

This will be terrifying for your child and is complete opposite of what a baby needs.

A one-off, whilst I wouldn't like it, I may let go. Frequently yelling at a baby/child, not on.

You keep saying he wouldn't do her any harm and maybe he wouldn't- physically. But shouting at a small child is doing emotional harm.

Yes, a baby will probably get over it if it happens once (just like my baby got over an accidental fall). But as a regular occurrence it will be bad for her development. Babies develop mentally by feeling safe and cherished; they need that just like they need food and warmth.

I or DH have never shouted at DD, she is 16 months old and yes we are still sleep deprived but no we don't shout at her.

There is never an excuse not to see your children. Does he have money to spend on new clothes, an occasional pint or birthday or Christmas presents? He should if he has no money to organising going to court to see his children. If I could not see my child I would do everything in power to ensure I could eg living on value food, never going out, no new things, no netflicks ect. Access through contact centre is only granted if there are concerns over the safety of the children.

There will be some reason why he does not have ready access to his other children. It is not a usual situation for a dad to have to apply to a court every time he wants to have access to or communicate with his children.
This reason may not reflect well on him.
I hope you have good friends of your own to turn to.

Ch24 you are not wrong to criticise your partner at shouting to your baby. Babies cry mostly for a reason. Some people have more patience than others. Maybe she feels more settled with you. Although you are a first time mom and feel your partner should know more don't doubt yourself as for most being a mother comes naturally. I don't believe you can learn how to be a parent by a book. Your partner should be there to support you and bring up his baby. Shouting at his baby girl just makes him a prick and he needs to get a grip. The fact that he doesn't see his other children is not your problem

thought momsnet was all about asking advice??

Thankyou cmwlocal76.

Shouting at a baby is violence, sorry. You need a really good think about this situation. He clearly finds it very stressful, and is an impatient kind of person. That will be really tough going forward.

I know it's hard, but you are going to need to supervise him with the baby.

Please be careful.

Shouting at a baby I have no advice for this as it is a serious issue going on, espes when you say its cause of him losing control eg stress and such things, my only advice is talk to health visitor about it maybe then you see the seriousness of it & will be given the proper advice & tools to help the situation l, as for passing you the baby etc i wouldn't worry about the rest of it until the losing control situation is sorted if he can't cope with the baby I'd be happy he's handing little one to me etc...
Only thing with health visitor help is he'd have to willing to work with what advice & support she can offer too if he is not then there's little point going health visitor route & best advice I can give is to change your living environment for babies sake, should be enough worry for you he's shouting at a baby for crying when that's they only way of communicating with you god help when baby is 1 year old & screaming in his face just cause she wants more crisps etc & fact he dosnt have contact with children he already has & says he dosnt have a bond with one , hopefully he will get the support he needs & learn how to control himself & you will get all the information you need on how bad this situation is & effects its having on your baby already & all the risks your putting baby in in this environment

Open your eyes Op, he is not a good dad, he is an abusive dad.

And please do not by into his bullshit script of why he does not see his other children.

I will say this again, he is abusive and your baby needs to be protected from him.

At least you know that he will not bother to have contact with your baby as he does not have contact with his other dc, a saving grace really.

Sorry op but shouting at a newborn baby is not normal at all. Huge alarm bells are going off as you post. It is not normal. I regularly read about men shaking their young babies to death. I have no doubt that it starts as shouting. This man is not a good father to the 3 kids he already has. Why did you think he would be different with yours?

He doesn't know if he doesn't even see his 3 children though

I think he sounds like a dick personally

To a point I don't think I'd even trust him