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Original poster

Etiquette for Birth Announcement/ congratulating Grandma

27 replies

happywifey · 14/09/2017 14:33

So, I have a newborn DD10 days old and have been at home enjoying this time and getting into the swing of motherhood again after a break of 21 yrs.

I am however having a few probs understanding birth announcement etiquette... my dh family is positively upper Middle Class , and it seems my working class routes are putting me on the naughty step with dh family due to my lack of knowledge so I wonder if someone could give me some advice!

MIL sent me strong hints today that I should have sent out birth announcement cards ( nothing is ever honest and direct communication with DH family) and also hinted that I should have sent her a congratulations Grandma card/ present (she keeps telling me she is receiving these cards from other people and I am assuming that I have been tardy).

So does anyone know do I need to have a professional photo taken of my child for the birth announcement cards? and what info do I include inside? Do these double up as thank you cards and do I thank people for their cards or just presents? Also when is too late to send them? dd has sickness and diarrhea atm and any pics of her will prob need to wait until after she is feeling better and doesn't have a sticky eye.

Secondly, can anyone tell me the etiquette of congratulating the grandma with a card/ present and what could it be? My family was just happy with a visit so this is all new to me.

Many thanks in advance

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newtlover · 14/09/2017 14:37

what loons
if your MiL's friends want to congratulate her let them, madness to think that you should
I always love a photo of a newborn, whatever the state of their eyes. I would NEVER expect a thank you card from new parents. But a combined birth announcement/thank you card if you have the energy to send one would be welcome.

NerrSnerr · 14/09/2017 14:43

Let your husband deal with whatever card or present he wants to send his mum. Only do birth announcement cards if you want to.

FiftyShadesOfDuckEggBlue · 14/09/2017 14:48

I remember spending a whole day creating and sending 'birth announcement' cards for DD because I felt like I had too. (And she was already 2 months old, lol.) Looking back, I wish I had spent that time snuggling with my baby. If you ask me, people should expect nothing from new parents for the first 6 months, at the very minimum.

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gamerpigeon · 14/09/2017 14:48

What is your MiL being congratulated for?! She didn't do anything! How odd!

Birth announcement I would check out the wording used in the Telegraph if they are that kind of family.

Congratulations on your baby. You have more important things to worry about than this, make it someone else's problem!

shhhfastasleep · 14/09/2017 14:48

Let your dh deal with it. These sound suitable for people with more money than sense. If he knows how they work let him worry about it.

Pallisers · 14/09/2017 14:51

ha ha ha. that is really very funny. Your MIL wants the mother of the newborn baby to send HER a card congratulating her - on the child YOU gave birth to. That is a special kind of self-centeredness.

I only came across birth announcements (outside of newpaper ones) in the US - I thought it was a US thing. If I were you, I'd ask MIL where your congratulations card and present were and also - and I usually hate things being described as "american" but in this case - "don't you think birth announcements are a bit tacky and ... american MIL??"

BoredOnMatLeave · 14/09/2017 14:56

She must be joking with you. Surely. A congrats from the mother (who grew and birthed the baby) to the grandmother?! Haha.

To be honest birth announcement cards sound a bit tacky and show off. But a thank you card is always nice if people have sent gifts.

FiftyShadesOfDuckEggBlue · 14/09/2017 15:14

^ Totally agree. I should have clarified we only sent the 'announcement' cards to people who had sent cards, gifts or flowers, so they were essentially 'thank you' cards. Otherwise, I would have found it a weird thing to do. Surely, the people that are close enough to you already know about the baby arriving?

Original poster

happywifey · 14/09/2017 16:19

newtlover Pallisers lol made me chuckle.
BoredOnMatLeave I wish I were joking. I get hints like this all the time , and judgements, and this is why she has only met my family for the first time in the last 2 months ( DH and I eloped to get married too which avoided them meeting previously).
Thanks, Gamerpigeon and FiftyShades I am not sure MIL remembers what it was like to have a child in the early days and how hectic it is to have a small baby, particularly one with explosive diarrhea. Although she is very quick to offer parenting advice!
shhhfastasleep I think it's a great idea to leave it to my DH but he has no clue, apparently it's a woman's domain in his family to do this kind of stuff ( he is not like them and does not feel I should send anything, but is also not judged harshly by his family on things like this as he is male).

Thanks everyone though, I feel better knowing it's not completely normal to send her a pressie - I will leave that part to DH then, and will send out thank you cards with a pic on in my own time soon. So no professional photos needed then I am assuming?

OP posts:

Viviennemary · 14/09/2017 16:28

I agree with letting your DH deal with it. I've never heard of a Grandma being sent a present or congratulated. Not sure about birth announcement cards. Seem to be kind of hinting at a present to me. Anybody who matters will have heard anyway. But definitely thank you cards for people who have sent presents.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 14/09/2017 16:35

I've never heard of this. I suppose her friends might send her cards congratulating her because Hallmark will think up all sorts of daft reasons for buying a card, but that doesn't mean it's the done thing.

Debrett's guide would tell you but so would your commonsense! Did she send you a card and a gift? Did she congratulate you?

Original poster

happywifey · 14/09/2017 16:46

MyBrilliantDisguise Yes I just checked out Debretts as my DH mentioned it, but it didn't mention anything about congratulating Grandma. It does however deal with birth announcements.

I should add that Grandma did give us flowers, cards, and present for DD all which we are very grateful for, as did my family. However, my family did not expect anything from us in return and I assumed there must be some etiquette that I was unaware of.

OP posts:

Llanbobl · 14/09/2017 18:14

Announce the birth in The Times and namecheck the GP's in that.

Congrats on the birth.

Pallisers · 14/09/2017 18:19

My own parents did get a couple of bouquets of flowers when my nephew was born - first grandchild and a few of their friends sent them saying "welcome to the club". They were tickled pink by it. Nothing for subsequent grandchildren.

I'm still smiling at a woman wanting to be congratulated by the woman who created the cause of her congratulations. It would be like a man climbing everest and his mother saying to him "lots of people have congratulated me on having a son who climbed everest but you haven't - why not?"

MonkeyJumping · 14/09/2017 18:24

This really isn't a middle class piece of etiquette you've missed out on, it's just weird! I'm as middle class as they come and nobody I know has done formal birth announcements or congratulated the grandparents.

RandomUsernameHere · 14/09/2017 19:16

Congratulations OP
Just to add, if you send thank you cards for gifts then I don't think it matters if they are quite a few weeks late. My kids were about 4 months old in the pictures on our thank you cards! For anything else I send a card immediately after the event, but with newborn babies people understand that you are too busy. I wouldn't worry about formally thanking someone for a card.

RandomUsernameHere · 14/09/2017 19:18

Also I've never heard of anyone congratulating their own parents/in-laws on the birth of a grandchild.

shhhfastasleep · 15/09/2017 09:52

If her pals want to congratulate her, that's lovely. If her son wants to do a special thank you for all her love and support over the years (not at the expense of honouring you, obviously). But it is not for you to do it.
Sounds like "fur coat and no knickers " to make some conspicuous show of herself. Not classy at all.

slbhill42 · 15/09/2017 11:14

I know quite a few people who have had a nice picture of the baby (sometimes professional, sometimes not) made into cards and sent those as thankyou cards to all the people who sent gifts. To be honest I think the more middle class people are the less likely they are to use professional photography - Kate Middleton does her own, so who are we to argue :-D

But every birth announcement I've seen in the last 10 years has been electronic. If she' not on Facebook tell her thats' where she missed it :-D

alltouchedout · 15/09/2017 11:20

Hang on, she thinks you, the person who has just given birth, should be congratulating and sending a gift to her? She's a loon.

Congratulations on the birth of your baby!

ArcheryAnnie · 15/09/2017 11:23

Your in-laws are loons. Let your DH deal with them.

And congratulations on your baby!

IHeartDodo · 15/09/2017 11:33

I'm pretty upper middle class and I thought birth announcements were pretty standard! Doesn't have to have a photo, normally just a card saying "XX and XX are delighted to announce the birth of XX"...
My friend sent thank you cards for gifts which they had made with a pic of the baby on the front. That was nice.
Expecting a gift from you however is insane!

ADuckNamedSplash · 15/09/2017 12:21

I don't think birth announcement cards are "expected" as such. We figured that when it comes to sending out Christmas cards, it would be a bit weird if people received one from "Duck, DuckDH and DuckDD" and it was the first they'd heard of DD, so we're doing announcement cards for the friends and relatives we don't speak to / see all that often, as well as using them as "thank you" cards for anyone who gives us gifts.

Re content - we got ours from Vistaprint and they have various templates where you just fill in DOB, weight, etc.

Original poster

happywifey · 16/09/2017 19:45

Many thanks all - this is all really really helpful. I will stop feeling shame/guilt around this - particularly the Grandma thing, but did order her a mug with a pic of DD on.

Re the cards I have ordered vistaprint with some pics I took today, and done them in black and white to hide the sticky eye. I am going to send them out with a handwritten thankyou on the cards.
Llanbobl we have now done the Times thing too - without the GMA mention though.

Many thanks for your advice everyone.

OP posts:

soundsystem · 16/09/2017 19:53

We told our parents by phone and then they spread the word to the wider family. Then we put it on Facebook.

We got cards made with a picture of the baby (just one we took, not a professional one) and sent to anything be who had sent a card/gift/congratulations.

Your MiL is a loon!

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