Routine for two

[SnailPorridge]

Hi, I'm struggling to impose routine on my pair. Baby is 4 months and toddler is almost 3.
Toddler still very jealous of baby and generally not being cooperative so that doesn't help.
Husband works away during the week.
I feel like they both need feeding at the same time so often baby is screaming whilst I cook for toddler.
I've tried settling the baby before toddler's bedtime routine but baby woke up screaming mid bath.
Also if you're totally not on a routine where is a good place to start? Is it always with the morning feed? Currently I wake up and have breakfast with toddler then change and feed baby.
All advice gratefully received. Thank you!

Also tips for filler activities for toddler. She normally watches tv whilst I shower but I don't like her watching tv because she just demands it more.

Involve the 3 year old.
Give her responsibilities as regards the baby. EG Mine was responsible for putting cream on the baby's bum come nappy change time, amongst other things.

Thank you Herat. I try this but perhaps not consistently enough. Toddler is SO slow and doesn't listen!

Is the toddler at childcare at all? What are baby's naps like? I recommend very fast food for the toddler - ideally prep a lunchbox during the morning nap so lunch is good to go and then either fresh pasta, jacket potato which has been cooked for hours with beans and cucumber, or something from the slow cooker/freezer if you can meal prep at weekends. Dinner prep was a nightmare here too. (Mine are 3.2 and 6 months).

With bedtime, can you pop them both in the bath together then let the toddler look at books or even watch something calm on a tablet while you settle baby?

If you can dig in for a few more weeks it got much easier for me when I started weaning DS, as he will sit happily in the high chair gumming toast and fruit etc so I can chat with DD.

Ah thank you Ouch. Good to hear there may be plainer sailing ahead.
Toddler doesn't nap. Ah but think you meant during baby's nap. Baby's naps are not consistent!! Toddler at pre-school 2 days a week. We seem to have no fixed routine and what we do changes depending on our plans. I'd like to know where I am a bit more.

But yes thank you - speedy meals are definitely the order of the day.

I found acknowledging to your toddler how hard it is can help, so telling them you understand it's really difficult having a baby brother/sister. When the baby wakes up or needs a nappy change and interrupts you playing with toddler tell them you know how annoying/upsetting it is for them.
Often the bad behaviour can be the wanting to express they are struggling and once they know you understand, it's half the battle.

For baths, I used to put baby on floor/bouncy chair while bathed toddler (sometimes sat and fed baby in bathroom), put toddler to bed sitting on bed holding/feeding baby.

I just sort of went with the flow in terms of routine, so worked round baby. Whenever baby was settled/asleep did things for toddler. 4 months is only little still and they change so much at that age, you could work for ages getting a routine and then the baby will change when they sleep/start solids.

Don't worry about too much telly, it's only for this period while you've got a young baby.

Have you got a sling for baby? Can help if you need to make toddler food,etc.

Yes during baby's nap, DD stopped napping at 18 months so I usually assume the same of most toddlers. Is there even a vague pattern to baby's nap? I find DS needed to nap 90 minutes after waking at that stage so I would rock him to sleep in the buggy in the kitchen and rush round in a frenzy while DD watched half an hour of tv, and that is long enough to empty/load the dishwasher, make lunches and throw a load of laundry on. Then I am more or less ready to face the world.

I'm slightly further along with a 7month old and nearly 3yr old. I agree that it helps once baby can sit eating in a highchair, but also generally sitting has made him a lot more content to sit surrounded with toys. On dh working days I rarely cook fresh for the toddler. On his days off I cook us all something like slag bol/ fish pie and make loads so freeze into toddler portions and just reheat each evening. Mine has a day at nursery so I cook when she's away that day too. I'm not much help with bedtimes though ... baby used to be happy feeding whilst I read dd her story but now he gets too distracted so after their bath I feed the little one in his room (sometimes dd looks through photos on my phone to keep quiet 🙈) it's only about 10 mins though and then I go into her room and we have her usual stories/ songs. I'm luckier though in that dh is often home for bedtime, it must be hard work doing it on your own all the time!
It's tough to feel like you're giving them both enough attention though, I find myself swaying at the baby's nap time between trying to catch up on house stuff and doing 1on1 things with the toddler. It does get easier though, for you you're doing great!

Slag bol spag bol clearly!

Thanks for posting this. I haven't got much advice as I have a 2.9yo and a 3mo. I've been doing quick and easy meals for the toddler (usually from a packet or tin ) and the baby sometimes has to cry for five minutes while I get the food sorted. I had a concrete routine with DC1 by 8 weeks and I feel really lost with DC2 not having much of one at all.
Anyway, thanks to a PP who mentioned sitting surrounded by toys or gumming on toast making life easier. I will continue to wing it for another couple of months.

I based my routine on The Contented Little Baby (not obsessively). This gave me a good idea of how much sleep my Baby needed at certain stages. When I was feeding, my Toddler was often snuggled-up with me, reading together. I agree, though, everyone always seems to need food at the same time.