Hello please stressful dinner times with toddler

[CaptainWarbeck]

DS is 2.4 and is currently going mental at dinner time. We all eat together at the table. He used to love helping set the table and now point blank refuses. When we say it's dinner time he whines/screams and runs away saying 'no, play with toys'.

I put him (often kicking and screaming) into his booster seat at the table (refuses high chair) at which point he throws anything he can reach (place mat etc, bowl of food if he can get it). This obviously gets a no from us, cue more shouting/crying from him.

It's stressful and dinner times are no fun any more. Once he sees the food sometimes he'll eat some and occasionally he'll even calm down, be good company and eat a decent amount.

All eating at the table with the TV off is a line in the sand for us, but I just feel like we're not implementing it very well. How can we do things better?

Title should obviously say help please not hello please

Sounds like a typical toddler.

Do you give any warning before dinner time? Sometimes a visual timer like an hourglass with the sand running down can be helpful for small children who lack the understanding of time but more important is firm explanation of what is happening next.

Does he get to play after dinner?

I do think you're a bit ambitious getting a toddler to set the table. The novelty is fun at first but they're too little for regular chores.

I've got an app that does a visual timer like a pie chart that counts down MovingOnUpMovingOnOut, I don't use it for dinner time but it works wonders when my 3 year old doesn't want to go home from the park, playdates etc!

I used to put the tv on for dinner, off for most of the day. Saved me a whole heap of stress with twin toddlers. But I see it's not the ideal!

How about putting his food out, everyone sitting down to eat and just see if he comes? 2 year olds can be tough... you have my sympathy!

He only helped set the table because he asked to... he loved it and quite happily pottered about putting the cutlery up (in all the wrong places).

Yes he gets to play after dinner.

Hourglass type thing could be good. I could definitely do more in signposting to him that it's nearly dinner time.

Bay that looks good, what's the app called? Could definitely use that for things other than dinner like you say!

How about making it fun for him... rather than saying it's dinner time, get him curious, look what's this on the table?! And then when he comes to look he sees his dinner arranged on the plate in a funny face or something? Not forever, just to get him more enthusiastic about mealtimes again.

Could get him to "help" you with minor safe bits of meal prep as well.

What's he doing before dinner? Something really exciting he can't tear himself away from? How about having him sit at the table with some toys for a few minutes before the food comes out? Might backfire if he just wants to keep playing, but worth a try.

Or what about trying him in a normal chair/booster/tripp trapp style chair rather than a high chair, maybe he just hates being trapped there?

Just some ideas!

Yy they're really helpful Bayleaves.

Op, does your child have a routine? For example once has finished it's dinner time? The consistency will really help.

I agree with pp about not making a big deal of it. Dinner is on the table, TV is off and if he hears conversation and laughing he'll get bored and come over. Or he won't and he'll go hungry. Either way he learns.

If you search for Visual Timer on the App Store there are free ones and paid ones.

A new special place mat (perhaps one with combined with a sticker chart) or plate can work wonders on stroppy toddlers.

So can a discrete choice: do you want the Thomas plate or the Iggly Piggle?

They are a nightmare at that age but boundaries, routine and consistency all help massively. And stickers.

Also at that age mine would do anything for a straw in their drink.

Find his weakness and exploit it

Some good ideas, thanks.

He's usually just messing about with his toys before dinner, or pootling about in the kitchen with us cooking. Nothing particularly exciting.

We've tried him kneeling in a big chair, on cushions (he wouldn't sit still and fell off) and in different places around the table (in Mummy's chair etc). He's in a booster on a regular chair. The changes seem only to have made the behaviour worse.

Could definitely try letting him take a toy up to the table to play with. Not sure what would happen if it was up to him to join us... I might try it but I think we would be ignored in favour of toys!

Special place mat, stickers, interesting food arrangements all going on the list. And a straw

God I hate this being so difficult, I'm torn between feeling like I'm pandering to him and being too strict!

Don't try too many different things. Consistency is really important at that age. Too much change and too many choices can make them feel insecure and make the behaviour worse.

Set the table first. Put food on it (maybe with an exclusion zone!). I agree with the pp who said let him come himself but if you don't want to do that put him in the high chair and if he makes a fuss IGNORE and talk between yourselves. Have a lovely time. When he calms down (he will) offer him food and chat as if it had never happened.

you're really better off not making mealtimes a fight at all, especially if they are important to you.

Is he hungry? Cut back on snacks so that he's ready to eat

Okay plant I might try that. Thanks.

He's pretty stubborn though. I'm not sure how long he'd hold out shouting in his chair for before calming down and allowing us to give him food. I guess we'll find out.

Rhubarbz he must be... barely eats lunch at the moment either!

My daughter is older than yours but has autism and lots of issues with food so some of my stratergies may help..

Routine. Every day. Like a timer or after this we have dinner or whatever works for you.

Relax. He will pick up on your stress. PP advice of letting him decide to come up if he wants to. Otherwise do not engage.

Make meals fun. Perhaps an occasional "picnic" dinner on the floor, new plate, different cutlery whatever you think will appeal.

And persevere. It is a pain but in all likelihood will not last forever. Don't worry about "creating a rod for your back". It is just a stage that most of them go through.

Good luck. In the meantime, wine once they're in bed usually helps

If you feel it will be too stressful, don't do it. But work on making the dinner table as inviting as possible without making him having to sit at it an opportunity to get loads of the wrong kind attention.

We have the same problem. We do our best to make mealtimes fun by talking/playing trains etc with the spoon (DS does this himself while eating). If he does not do as we say we make a show of being ostensibly upset and he comes around. Most days it is crying/contrast telling off etc.