still having accidents

[Snowbell]

I started toilet training my DD (now 31 months) at the end of April. I'm sure she was ready at that time as she was really trying although she did have accidents. The thing is that she is still having accidents. She went for about 12 days recently without having any accidents so I thought she had cracked it but now she is having accidents again - two yesterday. She is great about doing poos in the potty or toilet, which I have to be thankful for, but she has wee accidents. I promised to buy her some special pants with Barbie on or something if she can stop having wee accidents, she was very good for a few days, but then two accidents yesterday and one the day before. I try not to react too much, but find it hard to hide my disappointment. I just wonder if she could be doing it on purpose. What do you think? Is there anything I can do?

Snowbell - My ds was 3 last month and we're having the same problem.... but with Poo. He's great in the house, but terrible at Nursery and my Mums. I'm sick of collecting him at Nursery with bags and bags of poo-stained clothes (they don't wash them). He was fine for ages and now this is happening every other day. We try not to react negatively, but sometimes I want to scream at him for it! So although I have no advice for you, I will be keeping an eye on this thread for advice.

it might just be worth checking them out for urine or kidney infections, my dd was perfect for 5 months and then had months with lots of accidents, we treated it as behavioural or just lazy and kept trying to encourage her (and we did scream at her too, it was so annoying to think she wasn't trying ) but eventually we found it was a series of urine infections which can be serious in a little girl (don't know about boys, sorry) so it's worth checking out, you get the gp to send off urine samples to the lab.

My dd is 4 and has been out of nappies for around 18 months but still has the occasional accident, as do most of her friends.
It generally happens when she's absorbed in doing something and realises too late that she needs to go.
Your dd has only been out of nappies for a couple of months so I think what is happening here is normal. She'll get better at it and the accidents will get rarer but they will probably continue to happen occasionally for quite a while, especially when tired etc.
Carry on doing what you're doing, try not to make a big deal of it, and get her the special pants - might make her more aware.

Toothache, might your ds be anxious about the new arrival? This can lead to relapses in things like toilet training apparently. They don't always tell us but I think a lot of worrying goes on in those little heads.

It usually gets better with time, she is still young and fairly new at it.

If you get a sudden spate of accidents it is always worth checking out an infection - but if she has just managed 12 accident-free days then it sounds unlikely unless she gets a lot worse over the next few days - suddenly 3+ accidents a day usually would get me to the doctors.

When are the accidents occuring - are there particular triggers etc? Ds was more likely to have an accident at home than when out, and if there was an accident it was generally after 6pm - he was tired, and often I would have started preparing his baby brother for bed. If it is related to a time or an activity you may just need to prompt for a while.

I know boys are meant to be trained later, though many of my friends with girls seemed to train around the same time - but it sounds to me as if she (and you!) have done really well.

If the accidents continue then it might be worth reverting to whatever praise/reward method you used originally when training. Ds used to get a smartie for accurate performance.

Fennel, thanks for your comment about urine infections. She's not having more than two accidents in a day - do you think I need to get her checked out? We've been through stickers and star charts - I don't think they offer any incentive any more. I don't want to go the chocolate route. I can't decide if there is a particular trigger or not. Although a lot of her accidents occur when she's playing outside - maybe she thinks its Ok to wee outside. There are places we go where I know she won't have an accident - we go to a toddler group where she knocks back the orange squash, but is good about telling me she needs the toilet. I'm ashamed to say that I got cross with her one day and accused her of doing it on purpose and she got very upset. Maybe it is just a matter of time.

snowbell, just to say we are having a similar experience with ds1, also 31 months, who has been out of nappies for about 2 months. He can be very good, never has accidents at nursery, and on Sunday I was thinkign to myself, hey no accidents for more than a week, maybe he's cracked it - and of course, he had one! His are invariably when he's at home for a long period playing - he is very stubborn about being prompted to go and will generally refuse unless it is his idea.
It seems to be a common experience though - I know of plenty of MUCH older kids who still have accidents, even if infrequently. I guess the trick is to identify the 'danger' times and try to find a way of prompting that is acceptable!

read a book that focussed on dry pants rather than accidents/wet. just keep asking have you got dry pants? then check and praise, every 10 minutes. build on it by saying out loud when you need a wee and take her with you. gradually over the next few days get her to check herself and say how pleased you and barbie are that she has dry pants. i also kept treats in the bathroom that i gave straight after which helped to reinforce message. also woolies have a cheap doll that comes with a potty and bottle that wees - you could try and incorperate that into the training. ask her to teach the doll! it costs about £6 much cheaper than tiny tears.

Have you tried going back to taking her to the toilet at regular intervals? We had several relapses like this with DS, and each time I went back to taking him every 45 minutes for a couple of days.

I think he was just getting a bit blase about the whole thing and forgetting to go, and it just reminded him to keep going to the loo. Also with my wilful ds it was one of the things he could control that sent us spare, so imo it wasn't a bad thing to assert a bit of gentle control in this way.

mrsflowerpot, we could easily eliminate accidents if we did that, BUT ds1 will not co-operate willingly with being taken to the toilet. Does your ds sometimes refuse? We can end up with a major tantrum which obviously isn't helpful - so I try to back off and only insist he goes at certain easily identifiable times of the day - for example straight after mealtimes and just before we go out (the latter has been a bit of a struggle to enforce and I'm still not sure whether I'm right to do so). That's really why the accidents happen only when we're at home for a long time and there hasn't been a natural break when I can encourage him to go. Its not that he doesn't know the signals, its mroe that he's too absorbed to be bothered acting on them!

I do gently remind DD about needing a wee but she absolutely would not respond well if I were to march her to the toilet/potty! I've had to back down on how often I remind her as she got very cross with me one day and told me to stop asking! My DP emphasises dry pants which is good I think, I need to do that more. I guess I just have to have patience and keep taking spare clothes everywhere.

as everyone else says it's most likely not a urine infection but practice or motivation. but keep it in mind if she gets worse not better.

elliott, yes we did have some major tantrums (both of us ). The first relapse we had was so bad that we put him back in pullups for a few weeks and then started from scratch (I think it was a reaction to starting at a preschool, going into a big bed etc all too close together).

Once we had him dry again the second time, which took about a week once we'd all calmed down, the tantrums about frequent pottying weren't as bad. I had to go back to it 2 or 3 times, and it took a couple of days each time. I sort of planned my day with lots of natural breaks, little walks etc with a wee-stop before and after - it was a pain but didn't last long. And it's true, emphasising let's keep those Bob/Buzz/Clifford pants (we've got 'em all!) dry was a good approach. And if I sensed a big tantrum coming, I just backed off that time. But this worked when he was basically dry and just having a couple of off days, don't think he would have put up with it as a main training method.

Actually the big breakthrough seemed to be starting to wee standing up, since the advent of that we've had no accidents at all.

Oh all of you are doing so well i think. My DS1 was out of nappies at 2.5, but certainly not accident free for a logn time...I would say a good year before he was completely reliable and could remember to take himself to the loo etc. And even then, still the odd pair of wet pants at nursery school...and even a few in reception! (He's just 5 and coming to the end of his first yr). I think he's fine, just now he is very tired which could be a reason. Some good suggestions here re reminding them/routine of when to go etc. BTW DD was also in nappies until 2.5 but now (she's 3) is dry dry dry, can't recall the last daytime accident tho she has had a couple of wet beds in the last week. Chinup and don't worry, you and they will get there.

thanks clary, good to get some perspective on it all. I know he is doing well in the scheme of things and I know that my frustration is really all down to unrealistic expectations/wanting him to be one of the ones that just 'gets it' and then doesn't have any accidents! I did learn the hard way though that it works much better not reminding him all the time, but to find more subtle ways of ensuring he goes to the loo pretty regularly!

dd1 is nearly 5, and was potty trained at 2.5, and would go through phases after having been fine for months, of having accidents. Don't think it is at all uncommon, as a friend of mine had exactly the same thing with her son who is the same age. She has just started school, and that seems to have put a stop to all accidents - probably peer pressure. Keep persevering, and best thing you can probably do is try not to let it bother you when he lapses. Good luck!