Feel guilty for not breast feeding

[Firefly112]

I'm honestly not really sure why I'm writing here but I just feel I need to get this off my chest. I didn't breast feed my daughter and I all of a sudden am feeling really guilty for it. She's 17 weeks and is really healthy. This will sound awful but the day she was born was on of the most stressful and upsetting days of my life. I had a planned c section booked and got called to hospital at a certain time. We were made to wait in a stupidly hot waiting room for 2 hours as they were running behind and they kept saying they might reschedule. After 2 hours we were sent home and told to wait for a call, by this time I'm starving, anxious, nervous, loads of emotions running through me. They then phoned us late afternoon and told to go down there as quick as we can and they can fit me in. When we got down there it was all so rushed, I was quickly talked through everything and then rushed straight into theatre. As they were giving me an epidural I was in tears, again from all the emotions and hormones! When she was born they showed her to me really quickly then ushered my husband out the room with her and told him he was not allowed back in so we didn't get any photos or anything which upset me. When I was wheeled to recovery I was feeling so spaced out and just exhausted that when they asked if I was bottle or breast feeding I wasn't sure and they rushed me on a decision so I said bottle as I was just so tired. I didn't feel that I got any support on trying to breast feed at any point and because of that I just stuck with bottle feeding and was fine with it until now. I've only put this long story up as I wasn't sure if it's why I'm feeling like this, as the whole day was just a bit of a disaster I feel. I'm just wondering if anyone else didn't breast feed and regretted it?

Hi, I had a c-section too. I was out cold for mine! Trying To breast feed afterwards whilst coming round from anaesthesia was one of the worst and loneliest moments in my life. My baby is now the same age as yours and after weeks of struggling with low supply (I was supplement feeding) I recently decided to quit breast feeding.

I have been feeling really guilty about it. You're not alone. There's so much pressure on women To breast feed now. I applaud people who can, but it's almost as if the pendulum has swung so far the other way you're looked down upon for not being able to (by some people).

Our babies are healthy and loved. How we fed them will not matter a jot in the grand scheme.

Also plus side, I don't know about you but my baby sleeps phenomenally. No up all hours feeding for me! Thanks to formula, tbh.

Plenty of women don't breast feed for various reasons - they just maybe aren't as open about it bevause as pp said there is so much pressure. I didn't for my first child and I don't regret it. I did what was right for me and my baby at the time. Enjoy this time because they don't stay this little for long and don't feel guilty! Your baby is loved, safe and wanted. Not all babies in my wider family were breast fed and they are perfectly healthy happy adults. Do whatever works for you and don't look back is my advice.

I really struggled with breastfeeding and wasn't supported enough, so I ended up formula feeding DD from day 3 onwards.

I felt guilty for so long. It triggered postnatal depression, I became incredibly defensive, I was convinced that people were glaring at me every time I reached a bottle out in public. I was so ashamed.

Then one day I looked at DD who was (and is!) healthy and happy and clever, and felt so upset about the time I'd wasted feeling guilty and regretting it when I should have been enjoying my gorgeous DD and being proud of myself for all the other things I'd accomplished in the early days of motherhood.

Feeling guilty is totally natural, and be prepared for it to sneak up on you at random times, but please try not to beat yourself up. The way babies are fed is, in the grand scheme of things, utterly minuscule in determining their futures. You can't walk into a room of two-year-olds and point out which ones are formula fed and which ones are breastfed. They won't have to state it on university forms or job applications.

Every woman should be supported to breastfeed, but no woman should be made to feel bad if she is unable to, or chooses not to. Your daughter is healthy. She is happy. Her head probably smells amazing (can you tell how much I miss newborn head sniffs? ). That's all you need to tell you that you're doing a brilliant job, regardless of how you feed her.

DD is now three and the days of feeding are a distant memory. If I can get her to react positively to a meal that isn't pizza, it's a win. I don't think breastfeeding her would have made a jot of difference to that

You're doing brilliantly. Congratulations on your baby

There are a couple of issues here. One is that you don't feel listened to during and after your birth.
This is important, and needs to be fed back to the hospital. What is their breastfeeding support policy? Might you let them know that it's not good enough?

Second, the way that you are feeding your child comes second to the fact that they are loved, safe and being fed. You can feel angry about our experience in hospital that got you to this point, but please don't feel guilty - that's a waste of your time. This isn't your fault, so don't beat yourself up. Your baby is healthy and well-cared for, and that's what really matters.

FED is best, regardless if it's from a bottle or a boob. As long as you're not blending cheeseburgers and giving them to your little one, I really wouldn't worry about it. You're not failing her because you're not breastfeeding.

Have you asked for a review if your birth? It all sounds really traumatic to me and I'm not surprised it's still bothering you.

Please try to put it out if your mind and just enjoy your baby. Before you know it, she'll be a year old and shouting for bread all the way around the supermarket. (not that happened to me recently, oh no. He doesn't even eat bread!)

I was bottle fed. I have two degrees. It doesn't matter. As long as they are fed, honestly. I do believe that.
I breastfed my three as it happens. I left it too long for mixed feeding and none of mine would ever take a bottle or a dummy that's another thread But you know what? I could feel guilty that due to ebf, my PND was worse and therefore they had to put up with a sleep-deprived frazzled depressive for a mum. I don't do that. Because guilt is not a very productive emotion.
Give yourself a break, all of you. Motherhood is hard enough as it is. And you sound like you've already been through the mill all the best x

I know it's easy for others to say, but there is nothing to feel guilty about.

One of my DC was ebf for 7 months, the other ff from the very start. I guarantee you that if you met them both you wouldn't be able to tell which was which.

Ditto me and my siblings - I had a tongue tie so I wasn't bf, whilst they were. Again, you would not be able to tell this if no-one told you

You didn't have much support on this - and that sounds unfair. I hope you have passed this on to the hospital.

On breast/bottle - we are lucky to have a good substitute for breast feeding. Your baby won't be suffering.

Look at grown-up people you meet today and consider whether you could tell if they were breast or bottle fed. I don't think that it would be easy!

No need for guilt.

You shouldn't feel guilty you went through a terrible time.

However if it's important to you and want to breastfeed there's a good chance you still may be able to. You can relactate with some effort.

Did you know some adoptive mums BF?

I'll see if I can find a link

Some good info about relactation here: kellymom.com/bf/got-milk/relactation/

It says it's easier after 4 months.

Even some adoptive mums who've never been pregnant can do it so you have a great chance as you have had milk / colostrum.

Here's some more good info on relactation and some nice stories of mums who've done it.

themilkmeg.com/relactating-and-building-your-breastmilk-supply-your-milk-can-flow-again/

Thank you all so much for your responses. It has made me feel better. Kittywindbag, she does sleep very well at night (barely during the day though)
She actually suffers from severe reflux so has to have a milk thickener so that probably would have been worse if I'd breastfed I suppose.
Questionablemouse, I didn't realise I could ask for a review, I might ring the hospital and ask. I do think I need to talk to someone as that day has been really upsetting me ever since. It just wasn't as nice as I'd hoped it would be. I feel silly being upset about it as I have the rest her of life to build memories and enjoy so one day doesn't seem like a lot.

I posted too soon!
Justanothernameagain, thank you for them links, I'll definitely take a read.
But thank you all so much for responding. It's just nice to know what I'm feeling is 'normal' xx

I was tube fed and then bottlefed and I have a degree from a redbrick university. I combination fed my DS as he had to go to HDU after he was born and struggled with supply. I gave up after 4 weeks and used formula. He is now 2.5 and absolutely fine! Don't beat yourself up about it xx

Just wanted to add from another point of view. My DS is 6 months and EBF. He has had the same number of colds as other babies who have bottles, he still has baby eczema and our bond is just as amazing as every other baby and mum I know. As others have said a fed baby = happy baby.
And if it makes any difference I was made to feel like crap for giving him a dummy even though I was following every other guideline. "He'll get nipple confusion" blah blah blah.

Sometimes you will never get it right in other peoples eyes. Definitely don't put pressure on yourself about it

I felt oh-so-guilty about having low supply and not breastfeeding after my section. Then I found out FF babies sleep through the night much sooner than BF babies. And realized my husband could do night feeds. That made me feel MUCH better.

Sorry you weren't well supported in the hospital op. Nevertheless, you have fed a baby for 17 weeks with formula and I presume she is well, happy and thriving? In which case it doesn't matter - she's fed, she's growing and you're giving her lots of love. It's only milk

Thank you so much everyone for your responses. Has definitely made me feel a bit better. Xx

I'm surprised that breastfeeding support wasn't better in the hospital you went to OP. The NHS are meant to be on a massive push to get people bf'ing so it doesn't make any sense. Sorry you had a crap CS experience. I had a CS too but I had planned to bf and had lots of support at the hospital. It doesn't seem right to me that you are feeling low about the birth; contact the hospital and ask for a de brief. It might make you feel better if you understand why things happened as they did.