Feeling completely overwhelmed with newborn

[elliesteves]

My newborn is 11 days old and is perfect. However I'm really struggling, feeling really anxious all the time. My other half had a week of paternity leave but started a new job on Monday so had to go back to work. Every morning before he leaves the house I feel incredibly anxious and nervous. I had quite an ordeal in labour, 35hrs ending with apisiotomy and forceps, my stitches got infected and I was in agony for the first few days so the other half did all the night feeds etc as I couldn't sit down! With a few days rest and antibiotics I feel much better, but the thought of being left alone with baby all day is massively overwhelming. I've been getting my mum round for the whole day so I'm not on my own with baby. I'm really hoping this is common and the anxiety and tears will become less as I can't rely on my mum to come and look after me every day for the foreseeable future! Before baby I always felt like someone who had my shit together and just got on with stuff but right now the thought of having this baby to look after is so daunting, I'm really hoping it will pass...

This is exactly how i felt! I was in hospital until day 10 so only had a couple if days at home with my partner before he went to work. I was so teary and anxious and my mum agree to come for a week. I was so grateful. The next week my MIL came (DP thought it was only fair she spent as much time with us as my mum), but I was not grateful for that lol! She was more scared of the baby than me.

Anyway, just wanted to reassure you that what you are feeling is very normal and it's such an emotional time. Please don't be afraid to ask for help. I felt like screaming at everyone that told me to relax and enjoy this stage but to be honest it took me a while to get used to being a mum. But every day got a little bit easier. Remember you are still both getting to know each other!

Congratulations by the way

Feeling for you op it is terrifying becoming a parent. It will pass. If you can try and slowly reduce the time your mum is with you so it's not a huge overload. You may soon find you want to be alone to get in your own routine. Also have a chat with your midwife or gp about how you feel. They will be able to point you in the direction of other support. Never be afraid to say you are struggling or ask for help. Hope you get through it and start to enjoy it.

Ok ..you are feeling normal feelings! It gets better !!.first and most important thing - why do you think you should be able to cope with being alone all day?

Think over thousands of years of history..humans evolved living in groups..it is only western societies in the past 50 years where it is common for women to be alone with a newborn. In many many societies and cultures even now it is considered absolutely barmy to imagine a woman coping alone.

In Turkey women are not even meant to get out of bed for the first month - the other women in their family cook and clean for them and take the baby so they can sleep.

So coping alone is basically unnatural and shit ..therefore yoi dont need to feel bad for hating it ! Get your mum round lots ! Why not?

Newborns are exhausting and confusing thst is just the way it is. Please remove all pressure from yourself get netflix on keep your pajamas oj all day and get help preparing meals. Ask your husband to leave you a sandwich on a plate and eat lots of chocolate.

It feels overwhelming but this newborn period ia so so short in your life. I look back and reallt wish i had just focused on resting and not tried to do anything else for the first few months.

Oh and also don't be afraid to speak to your health visitor about how you are feeling. Mine was so lovely. Luckily I didn't develop full blown PND but she monitored me for it and just knowing that she was there to speak to was a big help.

Hi Ellie

Looking after a newborn can be very overwhelming. I think it's best not to look at it as being left alone for the day but to maybe try break it down into smaller segments. For example when your dh leaves for work then you have to feed the baby and get them down for a nap. Then chill out and have a cuppa. Then baby will wake and you can do a similar job to what you've just done...feed, change and put down etc. Maybe after next feed you might go for a walk for half an hour or pop to the shops for a bar of chocolate for a nice treat etc.

I totally get how overwhelming it can be. How are you coping when your mam is around? Could you maybe get her to pop around just for a couple of hours to break up the day rather than the whole day and see how you fare? If you are finding it very hard and you are very anxious speak to your GP or health visitor. They will give some advice too.

Oh god love, go easy on yourself! Look up "the fourth trimester"on google. All you have to do, is eat, feed your baby, keep your baby clean and warm, and both get some sleep. For the next twelve weeks. Anything else you achieve is a bonus.

Personally I stayed in bed for five days after I gave birth, establishing breastfeeding, watching tv and eating cake. I ate a LOT of cake. A lot. Even at 3am, my partner would scurry off to get me a slice of coffee and walnut while I was feeding. It was mad and lovely.

The feelings of anxiety are 100% normal- this is all brand new to you! And man is it scary at first- but if you feel like your anxiety is growing rather than diminishing as time goes on, or you feel suddenly worse, please speak to your HV or GP.

I heard an amazing phrase recently- I'm paraphrasing but what it said was that mothers don't fail their babies, villages fail mothers- basically mums need support to succeed at motherhood- it's incredibly hard to do it alone. Humans are tribal creatures - we need support from other humans- especially at times like births- so you have your mum round all day every day if you need her. It's not only okay to have someone there to support you- it's the way it's "meant" to be.

And congratulations!!!

And PS - you're eleven days in- I promise you, it gets easier. Somewhere around 6 weeks, and incrementally after that.

Where do you live?

I felt like this at the beginning (my baby is 6 months now) and dreaded the bit where we were left alone together.

The thing that saved me was going out. For some reason it is easier to entertain a baby (and feel less awful) if you manage to make it to a cafe/park/somewhere else where there are other new or newish mothers.

Hi Ellie,

Your experience sounds similar to mine. I remember that feeling of fear and dread when being alone after I came home from hospital with my son. I was also utterly convinced for the first few weeks that he didn't like me and wanted someone else to be his mum. I really regret not talking to someone at the time about how I was feeling.

Fortunately I came through it. It helped me to establish little comfort rituals that probably sound completely daft but they did make me feel more relaxed - watching Deal or No Deal at 4am (yes, it's rubbish, but for some reason I liked it at the time!), watching Morse re-runs mid-morning and eating an endless supply of Chunky KitKats!

If your mum is happy to be round lots then I would just let her, if it helps while you adjust. Please don't be afraid to talk to someone if your anxiety gets worse or doesn't fade any time soon.

Thanks so much everyone. I think just writing down how I felt was a massive help. Feeling better already today. Hopefully day by day will improve. HV coming today so will be sure to mention to her and also seek further help should the anxiety get any worse. Thanks everyone for your advice and making me feel slightly more 'normal' x

Omg so totally normal. With my first I remember using the word 'bewildered ' and never had it been truer. (I also regularly questioned what the hell I had done to my life). Then number 2 came along and was a breeze, then blow me.if number 3 didn't throw me completely off kilter again. Some people love it. For me, the new born weeks are the singlemost biggest challenge you ever face in life. I used to see each day as mere survival. Then suddenly one day, around 6 weeks, you'll realise a few hours went past and you had just lived them as normal. Then that grows and grows and by about 3-4 months I had the baby thing nailed!