Fed up

[Blue1980]

My first visit to this site and I am pleased to read I'm not the only one out here that feels stripped of a life I used to know.
I love my 2 girls to bits and have become so much more emotional since having them (I didn't think that was possible), however, I find myself upset a lot of the time and ready to flip out after hearing the 100th "mummy" of the day. I have a 4 year old who starts school tomorrow and is as usual playing up and not going to bed and a 8 month old who is still up during the night (I don't think that's particularly unusual) so I am like most mums shattered most of the time.
I suffered pnd and anxiety after my first and am going through it again but I actually think I have always suffered from depression. I take medication (sometimes forget) and have good days but most nights I go to bed upset and sad and dreading the night get up and following day of 2 kids and endless worries going through my head.
I lie awake at night going over stuff that has gone wrong or bad things that have happened and worry about everything and anything.
I think of how life would be if I hadn't had my children and am jealous of childless couples enjoying life and doing what they want whenever they want. Sometimes I think I chose the wrong path but then I also couldn't live without my girls.
I get help from my mother in law who is brilliant but I worry she does too much as she has other grandchildren and does so much for everyone else around her so I try not to ask/accept the help too much. I don't have a brilliant relationship with my mum since she let me down when I needed her most and I can't forgive that. She thinks she helps out but it's guilt trip help and always time restricted and then she will tell the world she's been helping and is exhausted ....she will never offer to help over a weekend so me and my husband can spend time together.
Sorry, this is a right rant! Basically I am fed up, fed up of just being a mum and wife, fed up of seeing my friends and family going out or enjoying life like I want to be able to do, fed up of being skint (I'd be bloody loaded if I didn't have kids!), fed up of never being able to have a nice bath (literally get 10 mins if I'm lucky and that's not every day!), fed up of not being able to eat proper meals, fed up of not being able to do jobs in the house (moved in recently, loads to do), fed up with sterilising bottles 😂, fed up of my 4yr old wanting and asking for presents constantly and not being grateful for what she has (stuff everywhere), fed up with seeing perfect mum posts of perfect kids... I'm not, nor will I ever be a perfect mother...always wanted to be but just not cut out for it, not the way I want to be anyway.
So there is my rant...my first post on here, apologies it's so negative...I really do love my children but wouldn't it be nice to have 48hrs to yourself doing anything in the world you wanted....I'd go to Butlins 😂😂😂

What does your husband do to help? Why isn't he taking time to get the kids out one day at the weekend so you get a break?

Sorry but you do need a day off once in a while. You need to tell your husband to start looking after the kids at least two days a month so you can have a bath in peace, go shopping, go for a coffee, read a book, whatever you want to do.

Saying that, the 'muuuummmmy!' stage is dire. It's relentless. And you have a baby too. It does get easier, I promise. Well different anyway!

Life with kids means you pretty much have to put socialising and nights out on the back burner unless you have sufficient cash and a decent reliable baby sitter.

What you can do though is insist the other parent actually parents.

Hi op, sorry you're feeling this way. First of all an 8 month old and a 4 year old is hard, so don't beat yourself up. Perfect mummy posts are bull shit, complete bull shit, ignore facebook/instagram etc, they are not making you happier.

You mention your mum and MIL, do you have a partner?

Ahh honey - I have felt like this with one 4 year old!

4 year olds can be very egotistical and want stuff constantly. I did introduce pocket money (sort of, though we don't do it regularly yet) to point out he could only buy what he could afford. I also had to tough out a long phase of just saying no and carrying around a shop sobbing, abandoning the shopping.

An awful lot of things do pass. Your mil remembers - just keep showing her your gratitude. Sleep helps, though I know it's hard to encourage with some children. It will pass though.

Can you find a class to go to regularly? Yoga or something else?

Also, ask gp to check anaemia, (ferritin) b12, vit d and perhaps thyroid as all can be low post partum and getting these right can help hugely. (Some ads affect thyroid by the way, eg sertaline).

It is really really hard at some stages, I had a 3 year gap and by the time second DS was 8 months I was glad to go back to work part-time to get away. Then I wasn't as I missed them and I was so tired from the broken nights. In fact my very first MN post was from that time for similar reasons, but asking for opinions on whether I should just give up on work until they were older. (A. No, stick it out). The really good news is that it does gradually get easier and in another year or two your eldest with be getting more independent, in 4 or 5 years so will your youngest. Once they can dress, toilet and bath themselves life gets much easier. (You might even get to sit down in peace for a minute...) Now at 11 and 8 they are truly ace. apart from the squabbling and fighting Keep going, you will get there and

Yes I have a husband who to be fair does his share of the parenting, he will do bedtime (when they allow him to!) and will give me time to have a bath when I say I'm having one (feel bad leaving him to deal with them so I can relax). He has no issue with me going to an overnight spa with my friend which I do once a year, twice if I can and he will happily pay for it and I know I am lucky to have him. He has a season ticket so is guaranteed a few hours every other weekend to go to the football and I know if I asked I'd be able to go to bingo (love bingo) the odd evening but I'm always either too tired or my friend will be working or I feel bad leaving him to get both to bed on his own.
I feel awful moaning as I do get help from my MIL and she would never say no to helping out and maybe I am being selfish in wanting more than the odd couple of hours here and there.
On paper I have the perfect family....a husband who works and earns enough for me to be part time, a nice house (albeit needs stuff doing) , 2 healthy kids, and a few good friends but my issues are that I miss being me and not just doing everything for others all the time which I know is my job and responsibility now, I just can't help missing simple things like watching tv other than kids stuff, being able to go to a shop without it being a military operation or just going to a hairdressers! I feel bad for posting now and should be grateful for what I have and do get to do x

Thanks for the replies and advice, it helps xx

Don't feel bad at all op! Staying awake all night worrying about things that have gone wrong, feeling sad and feelings of dread sound horrendous, have you seen your gp?

I think regular time away is vital. I'm a SAHM (my dc are 2 and 3.9)and I go out at least once a week, I usually meet friends or family at the local pub. I do this even if I feel tired, and have since dd was quite little. If I'm tired I either rally around or cone home early but staying in all night every night would drive me bonkers.

Dp and I have one babysitter, my sister who has the kids every other month maybe. We do really miss going out together as we did it a lot pre dc. It helps to talk about it so we feel like we're at least in it together. We make the effort around once a week to sit at the table together with a nice meal, music etc. I know it sounds naff but we just can't go out that often together and it helps.

What do you like/like doing?