Not able to cope very well with newborn - please help

[mariaellen30]

Hi ladies... im having some real problems at the moment and thought i was taking this in my stride but im finding myself in tears everyday (secretly blubbing under a pillow) and feeling more and more like a failure every day.... i have a 2 week old daughter and she is crying all the time... we see to her needs on a daily basis... changing her, going for a walk, cuddling up and trying to get her to fall asleep in my arms and now feeding her everytime she makes a fuss and she seems to be hungry every hour or 2 ... im using aptimal formula on her - i have never breastfed... this is my first baby and it seems like she will only sleep for about 7-8 hours in a 24 hour period... she does appear to have stomach pains so i am obsessively burping her and i think its really starting to annoy her that everytime she wont lay down to sleep im grabbing her up and burping her manically and then as soon as she burps she starts crying for a feed ... when she is not hungry then she has to have her dummy in her mouth and cant cope at all without it and i was so desperate to get her to not use a dummy as it means i have to put it back in her mouth after every 10 mins because it keeps faling out... can i try and deter her from the dummy? not just for my sake but for the sake of her getting much needed naps too - im so tired and feel like a failure every single day ... i have bought her an automatic mobile with white noise and star lights and have bought her a vibrating music bouncer with no avail... i need to sleep myself ... my partner is trying to help but know he has a lot of work to do so i dont want to expect too much from him. I have read loads that this stage wont last at all ... i have read that this should be over within about 6-8 weeks.... i just want my daughter to be happy ... i just want to be able to change her clothes without her screaming blue murder ... i really do fee like an absolute failure and crying my eyes out as im writing this... i bought her infocol so it could help her with her hiccups and vomiting but its not doing a great deal because she is screaming then its giving her hiccups all the time... has anyone ever found this easy? do i remain to be the dummy slave and pop it back in her mouth every 10 mins (even though this means that she wont allow herself to sleep) .... im tired and really scared im doing this wrong... i know im meant to pander to her every single need but she is not sleeping because her needs are too much... also lately she wants feeding every single hour or 2 and its around 60ml of food each time... is this normal? thanks so much for reading this,,, any help would be most appreciated xx

Hi! I was in the exact same position you are in 5 months ago and I know exactly how you are feeling. It's so overwhelming isn't it?
It's very true that things get better after 6 weeks, she will sleep more for you. My wee man never slept for his 1st 6 weeks I was absolutely demented! I was lucky if I got more than a 20 minute nap out of him. Only advice is just do whatever you have to do to get through the 6 weeks and I promise things will get better
Have you tried colief? It worked an absolute treat for Noah. Also Gripe water is amazing to get up those hiccups.

Oh you poor thing. These early days and weeks are really tough, so be kind to yourself. You're not a failure.

A few things come to mind - could she have some sort of dairy intolerance or similar which is making her unhappy? All the winding and burping and not sleeping sounds like there could be something up there.

And tiny babies need to sleep practically all the time! At this age, I think they can only be awake for about 30-60 mins before needing another nap. So do whatever it takes to get her to sleep. Have you tried wearing her in a stretchy sling? The upright position, being close to you, etc, usually helps them nod off very quickly.

You poor thing. It is a total shock to the system and I still feel it is 5 months later. It will get easier and my mantra is 'this too shall pass'. My little fella had colic which is so tough and my gut was saying silent reflux also but was fobbed off a bit. He would be in pain, sometimes spit up clear liquid and make a face when doing it, his burps could sometimes smell and were wet.

We ended up in hospital recently as he had a kidney infection so I insisted they look at the possibility of what I was feeding him, the silent reflux and he was also getting constipated. They eventually listened to me and he is now on cow & gate comfort, medication for the reflux. While I wouldn't say things have improved overnight, I can see small improvements and he is pooing more regularly which is great.

You will get there and even now some days are great and some days are crap. Think it's the same for a lot of people just some people aren't honest.

You are doing your best - keep going

I was in the same position as you about 3 months ago and wrote a similar thread. Everyone tells you it won't last forever which doesn't help at the time but it's true. My baby is a complete dream now and when I think back to how things were in the beginning it makes me shudder! The biggest turning point was when I discovered Dentinox drops so if you haven't tried them then maybe give that a go. You are doing brilliant I hope this phase passes for you soon

Sorry just read my post not trying to rub it in your face saying she's a dream just trying to give you hope that things will change soon. It's a tough time but you sound like you are doing amazing.

Thank you so so much for your messages... its such a relief and very valuable to hear the feedback from other mothers who have also been through this... the one thing i have not tried to attempt is to buy a sling... it appears that she hates being against my chest and prefers to be either laying across my knees or looking up at me when i hold her in my arms... ill try the sling thing because maybe she would feel more secure.... maybe it also means that the way im trying to hold her upright against my chest is incorrect (perhaps) although i do make sure her arms and legs are comfortable when i hold her against me as a priority... God this new parenting malarkey really does make us question ourselves and our abilities so unexpectedly ... its so warming to hear that you are telling me im doing a good job because this week i really didnt feel that way - it feels like im trying to learn a new language and i dont have any of the manuals for it... im so glad i wrote in today as i feel much better and now looking down at my little girl with a smile on my face with the assurance that ''we have all been there and im not doing anything wrong'' (she is so cute) ... ill defo look into coleif and dentinox and even changing the formula that i am using... ill do anything i can.... my partner is off to the supermarket now so i will ask him to look at all of the items i need for my little madam while he is out... wish me luck!! and ill gladly keep you updated... its amazing the amount of support here and im almost crying again (for good reasons this time) ... i seriously cant thank you enough for your advice and reassurance, Maria xxxxxx

My son was exactly like this I took him to a private doctor because I couldn't take it anymore and it turned out he was actually allergic to the aptamil milk so he was prescribed a special milk. My gp kept telling me it was normal his behaviour but I was adamant something was wrong. He wouldn't lay down constantly cried was up all hours. They said he had colic but turns out the special milk for babies with allergies is about £20 a tin if not prescribed so due to funding dont like to prescribe it!

I'm just getting over this phase more with my 7 week old. The first few weeks were so hard because he cried all the time and flipped out so quickly, and I couldn't comfort him because I think he could smell milk from me and this seemed to enrage him more. In the last week or two we started to see a change - he became more responsive and smiling, which is rewarding, and he has calmed down, so that he'll have a little cry, but he'll stop when we give him what he wants. I can't offer any suggestions that haven't already been offered but we bounce him on an exercise ball which seems to help soothe him, and sometimes puts him to sleep. Are you getting visits from your health visitor? They should answer more specific questions about what he needs. Hope you feel better soon and find some time to sleep!

Hi op try Dr brown bottles they were a god send for my DS he still uses them now at 5 months helps with wind and good for if baby has colic too.

It's all completely normal as well I was the same it use to break my heart hearing my DS cry when trying to change his clothes or his nappies.

As for the feeding all normal with them taking little amounts loads of times it does get easier the older they get.

We use a dummy always have from the off now DS carries on sleeping even when he's spat his dummy out.

Your not a failure don't feel like that it's so overwhelming as a first time mum I had the same emotions too I burst out crying so many times when I thought I'd harmed my DS when I accidentally snipped his skin when trying to cut his nails or was a useless mum to him it does get better your confidence builds each and every day
😃😉

Have you tried swaddling? It was a miracle for us with sleep!

Hi op. I know you posted this a while ago but you are literally describing my daughter at that age. At one point in 48 hours she had slept for 3! After reading on here endlessly I found some good advice. I switched her milk to aptamil comfort which is slightly thicker (after trying quite a few). I went to the doctors and got her put on ranitidine (helps with silent reflux) which was what her stomach pains were aswell and they were stopping her from sleeping and that helped massively. After a few days she was like a different baby and happier as she wasn't hurting. It wasn't a miracle cure and she still suffered a little bit but nowhere near as much. The reason she might like lying across your knees is the pressure can ease her stomach pains which she can also get whilst burping which is why she's crying for a feed. I found my daughter always wanted food when she had stomach pains which then made them worse. When she did sleep she like sleeping face down on my chest so her chin was just resting on my shoulder, that's how she would sleep best. I can completely understand how you're feeling especially when you don't get any sleep. Also swaddling quite tightly helped her sleep when she wasn't in pain. With changing, she hated that too until she was about 3-4 weeks then got used to it. I hope this helps you in some way. It took weeks and weeks to figure this out with my daughter but hopefully you can help yours sooner xx