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Original poster

SIL and my 'sensitive' baby

22 replies

Passmeawine · 03/09/2017 08:15

Hey, partly this is a vent but also a what would you do. I strongly dislike my SIL. She has three girls between 7-12 who are great. My DD is now the baby in the family and despite that she's the happiest, most laid back, social baby ever... she seems to always melt when my SIL is around. Maybe she doesn't like her cos she's so brash and intrusive... maybe she picks up my vibes I dunno. Today SIL was talking about how her girls are so confident and content and then said how 'this one' - mine, is 'just a sensitive little thing'. I got my first mum rage and just said 'she's actually not at all' and was met with a sort of 'oh really....' type response. She ISNT a 'sensitive little thing' she's actually cool AF and anyone who's met her says the same. How can I shut down these comments - cos I know her and they'll keep coming... without saying 'she's actually not, it just seems she doesn't like YOU!'???

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Original poster

Passmeawine · 03/09/2017 08:18

EDIT - Before anyone says it wasn't meant maliciously, I know her and she wasn't saying it was a sweet thing... it was a definite dig that my bub isnt good with people in a negative way...

OP posts:

GriswaldFamilyVacation · 03/09/2017 08:18

Your baby isn't cool as fuck. Not is it over sensitive. Babies are just... babies.

I doubt it hates your sil either, it's probably just timings or just things being "too much" when you're in a group. She's probably very good with babies, hung three and all.

You're the only one being a bit sensitive.

QuiteLikely5 · 03/09/2017 08:18

I think you are being sensitive. At least pick your battles wisely and imo and experience that comment is not worth a battle

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CosmicPineapple · 03/09/2017 08:21

Ignore the comments.

You hate SIL so I would imagine you will dislike anything and everything that comes out of her mouth.

You cannot control what SIL says you can only control how you react.

Wonderflonium · 03/09/2017 08:22

I have a friend that makes unwanted comments about my baby's appearance/personality. I just reply "oh do you think so?" and change the subject.

Gizlotsmum · 03/09/2017 08:22

How old is your dd? Is she your only one? I find my 2 act very differently dependant on who they are with and where we are. However my niece ( who we are always told is super confident) can be shy out of her comfort zone. It's natural. Ignore sil and let your daughter come into her own.

CosmicPineapple · 03/09/2017 08:23

Please dont use bub.
Its awful.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 03/09/2017 08:26

I think you are being a bit sensitive yourself and I would say it is the PFBness poking its head up. Happens to us all!

lornathewizzard · 03/09/2017 08:27

When DD was a baby (and still to an extent now at 3) she tended to react differently to certain people if she wasn't on top form, tired hungry etc, so I get you. But tbh, she is a sensitive soul!
You need to let it go. Not worth the angst. Smile and nod

Barkingtrees · 03/09/2017 08:28

Cool af? Eh
She's a baby

blue2014 · 03/09/2017 08:30

Here is what I've learnt as a mum. People will judge or comment on either you or your baby all the time. In someone's eyes you're always doing something wrong.

Your choices are ignore or call them out. Totally up to you what feels right

PollytheDolly · 03/09/2017 08:30

What's wrong with being a sensitive soul?

mumofone234 · 03/09/2017 08:39

My DS does this around my stepmother - he just seems to hate her, and has done since he was very small. Now she acts like he's a problem child and won't hold him at all (a win for me!) I don't know how to tell her he's fine with literally everyone else. It's weird isn't it? Try to just ignore her and not let it bother you - do you really, truly care what she thinks anyway??

Phillipa12 · 03/09/2017 08:41

This will be the first of many comments that you will not like, hey my step mother fat shamed my ds aged 8 to my face yeaterday, yes hes podged out a bit but seeing as he has only grown 1/2cm since xmas he is due a growth spurt, my reply was yes, he tends to go out just before he shoots up, then seethed privately, somethings are best ignored unless its directed at the child in question (ds's comment wasnt), bigger things to worry about imo!

BertrandRussell · 03/09/2017 08:43

Babies do this sometimes. And it's horrible to be the person a baby doesn't like. One of my nephews doesn't like me, and it's really sad.

I think you need to calm down a bit!

Passmethecrisps · 03/09/2017 08:48

For quite some time my DD1 refused to be held by my mum. She would scream like a banshee until I took her back. She was fine with other people just not my mum. Babies sometimes act out for reasons we can't understand and it is unlikely to be because the person is 'brash and intrusive'

It is frustrating when your normally very relaxed and happy baby shows their, entirely normal, more sensitive side and people comment. I have been there.

However, in the long journey which is motherhood, you will have bigger battles to fight than this.

JustMumNowNotMe · 03/09/2017 08:51

She's wrong, cleary its you that's over sensitive, not the baby.

InvisibleKittenAttack · 03/09/2017 08:52

I bet your face gives away to SIL that her digs at your baby are pissing you off. Practice the old MN tinkly laugh and agree with her "gosh yes, she really changes round some people, it's odd, she can be really happy and cheery and then suddenly sees someone who upsets her and she goes crazy. I've no idea why she doesn't like you, perhaps you crossed her in a previous life, ha ha ha!!"

GriswaldFamilyVacation · 03/09/2017 08:53

Babies freak out sometimes when their own parents cut their own hair. "Agh who the fuck is that??!!! It look like Mum but it has short hair!!"

ppeatfruit · 03/09/2017 08:54

I don't think you're being overly sensitive . Some babies, and children, oh and adults are more sensitive that others.

Maybe your SIL would like a little baby. Maybe she knows you don't like her and is winding you up.. I would ignore her.

SonicBoomBoom · 03/09/2017 09:26

I think OP meant cool AF as in chilled. Not cool as in a (Christ, who's cool these days?) Calvin Harris (?!) way.

You can definitely have a chilled baby.

I do not have a chilled baby. A couple of friends do though.

Trb17 · 03/09/2017 10:15

I have a SIL who is massively talented is making snide comments like this.

I tackle it by using the agree & twist method:

SIL: "She's a sensitive little thing"
You: "I know, I'm so glad she's got a unique personality, love it"

This method works with all people who like to make snide jabs.

Take what they say, agree with it, then twist it to make it great.

Soon stops them and you win a smug victory.

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