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Parenting

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Original poster

Do you let your child win at games?

25 replies

Athena404 · 02/09/2017 20:05

I don't. I never just throw the game so they can win. I help them with their turn to improve their strategy and skill, and I point out my weaknesses whilst they are still learning though. Today I bought connect 4 and taught it to my son. For the first 20ish games I fully helped him, the next 20ish only if I felt he really needed it. Then after about 50(?) Games he won for the first time because I didn't see his strategy. I feel like he wouldn't have gotten any good at the game had I just let him win. What are peoples views on this?

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ittooshallpass · 03/09/2017 15:49

Your poor kid. 50 games before he won?! I'd have been bored rigid after so many games and never want to play with you again. Was your child ok? Were they anxious or upset at your constant winning?To be honest... I think you are teaching your child to be petty and spiteful. It's meant to be fun. I also think you know it's not right or you wouldn't have asked.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 03/09/2017 15:51

When she was one or two I would sometimes let her win. After that I would help her, but play properly too. Now I just play to win. However, we tend to not play games that are pure strategy.

HarrietKettleWasHere · 03/09/2017 15:56

Fifty games of Connect 4 sounds well tedious.

TBH you sound a bit mean. I'm a nanny to a board-game addicted seven year old. I don't 'let' him win but I don't play the same as I would with another adult. I try and be at a similar level to him to see who wins that way. He's 7, it's only fair.

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Natsku · 03/09/2017 15:56

I let her win sometimes so she doesn't get too discouraged (or so the game will be over quicker because I'm bored out of my fucking mind)

ShatnersBassoon · 03/09/2017 15:57

You really do enjoy winning. 50 games of Connect 4 in one session?

3EyedRaven · 03/09/2017 15:59

Sometimes I don't, sometimes I do (when I've had enough and want the game to end)

gamerchick · 03/09/2017 16:00

50 games of connect 4? I feel the drool wanting to start just reading it I take 2 cards out of sorry to make it finish quicker.

I don't let mine win, I give it my everything and he still kicks my arse

chemenger · 03/09/2017 16:03

Did the OP say he didn't win for 50 games? That's not how I read it. I thought it was more like pointing out when she was in a winning position to give him a chance to block. The 50th game was when he won without her help and she didn't see it coming.
We always went easy while the dcs were learning a game but the rules applied to them, so if they forgot to say uno they picked up 2 cards, no questions and no flouncing allowed. We all play to win everything in our house and nobody seems scarred.

Love51 · 03/09/2017 16:04

Fifty games of connect 4 in one day?
I tried to teach my DD connect 4. She's a connect 4 shark, apparently she had played it loads at the child minders. We now have our own set my other kid got for his 4th birthday so she beat him too. I do sometimes let the just turned 4 yo beat me, else he won't play me. I also don't 'throw' the game necessarily, I tell him how to beat me!
Apparently fil never let any of the kids win. Killjoy!

Lowdoorinthewal1 · 03/09/2017 16:10

We don't let 7yo DS win. However, he is good at games so he wins often anyway and we play plenty of things that have a large element of chance like Uno.

We've had a particular strategy game for several months which he loves, but he only won a game for the first time very recently. This is because he was playing a strategy that was too risky. We explained that to him pretty much every game, but it's taken him loads of goes to really believe us and change strategy- then he started to be able to win. The length of time it took him to figure out how to win at it certainly didn't put him off it- he gets to choose what we play and chose it very regularly.

However, when we play Quirkle we let him start on 50 so he has a fairer chance against adults.

I pick up the pieces of children who have never been allowed to learn how to lose in my job- it isn't pretty.

Lowdoorinthewal1 · 03/09/2017 16:14

Ah, I didn't clock that the OP in Athena. I'm also not sure 50 games of connect 4 in one sitting is age appropriate for a 3 year old.

BenLui · 03/09/2017 16:14

I don't let them win. If they beat me (which they do) they know that they really beat me.

My DPs don't let them win either. The PILs always let them win.

The DC prefer playing with my DPs because it's a more challenging game.

ittooshallpass "petty and spiteful*? Not at all, I'm teaching them to be both good losers and good winners.

Why would they be "anxious" at losing? Games are for fun and for learning. It can still be fun even if you lose if everyone plays with a proper attitude.

I have a relative whose family love board games. But they won't play a game their eldest child can't win (i.e. a game of chance). And if they try a new game and the eldest loses, the child refuses to play that game again. Not good parenting in my view.

WipsGlitter · 03/09/2017 16:14

No, I don't let him win. My dad wouldn't let us win and we also had to play by the rules of the game. Whenever we played with my cousins there were always disagreements as they bent the rules etc.

Liadain · 03/09/2017 16:19

No harm in mixing it up, surely. It does a kid no good to be allowed to win all the time - I see some epic sulks in work when they play against other kids and suddenly don't win everything! Winning and losing gracefully are important skills.

At the same time, them winning the odd game helps keep them interested, in some cases. Depends on the child.

Original poster

Athena404 · 03/09/2017 22:58

ittooshallpass Do you think I'm forcing him to play? 😂 How ridiculous

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KweenOfFarts · 03/09/2017 23:05

Let them win once to get taste of my success

Original poster

Athena404 · 03/09/2017 23:06

Harriet they weren't all at once but yes I was getting bored of the game. I don't play aggressively mind

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Original poster

Athena404 · 03/09/2017 23:13

Natsku im definitely tempted to let him win sometimes just to end the game. But I would worry it's teaching him it's ok to give up.

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WishingCarrot · 03/09/2017 23:17

I let my son win roughly 50:50 of the time. He's still young.

rackhampearl · 03/09/2017 23:17

In my opinion you're doing the absolute right thing. My DD (5) often sulks when she loses a board game but I encourage her to get back on the horse, and when she wins of her own merit she is over the moon. You don't get thinks handed to you in life and I think it's good to instil that into your kids when they're young. As long as he was enjoying playing which I assume he was, no harm done. 50 may seem like a lot to some people by I know my DC and they would play 500 games in one go given the chance. Kids love playing with their parents.

00100001 · 03/09/2017 23:27

Jeepers it's Connect 4.

You give them avenues to win. Leaving their three in a row open, whilst making conversation about why you're putting your piece where you are. It's not letting them win. It's giving them the opportunity to win.

I don't think kids should win everything. But you do need to alter your play style to let them win sometimes.

Otherwise all you teach the child is the only reason to play is to win.

catkind · 04/09/2017 09:17

I think a better strategy with games of skill is giving them a handicap. Then you're not not trying, but they also get to win. I'd let DD start connect 4 with two moves. (She's only played a handful of games, we don't have it at home.) We've done more chess, so you can add or takeaway handicap till you find a good level. My DC aren't generally interested enough to play 50 games of anything though, certainly not if they're losing every single time. So maybe your DS is different.

BurnTheBlackSuit · 04/09/2017 09:26

I didn't force games to let them win, but I don't always play at my "best" at that age. Now I have to try my best and they still oftern beat me as they are better than me at the games!!

Neither worries about losing games, but I don't think that is anything to do with my parenting and everything to do with their personalities. They are maybe not as competitive as others. Which might not be the best thing- those children who hate losing will probably go further in life because they have more of a drive to win...

BurnTheBlackSuit · 04/09/2017 09:28

...and one of mine would happily play 50+ games of connect 4 in a day whether or not he was winning or losing as he just loves playing games and never seems to tire of them.

It would be me who lost interest first!

ACubed · 04/09/2017 11:45

I don't let kids win, I explain that I'm older and have had more practice, and practice is how you get better at things. (I only have a baby this was at an after school club I was working at). The kids were about 8 and loved the challenge of trying to beat me, and some did and they were stoked.
My dad used to play us at chess when we were small and would beat us every time and it was still fun; I finally beat him last Christmas (I'm 30!) and was so happy.

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