Gap between babies...

[Horseshoe1]

Hello all,

I know I won't be the first to ask but...

We have a 10 month old daughter who is glorious. Pregnancy was straightforward but birth was long and tortuous and a bit traumatic. She's a good baby but like all first time parents we've found it a mad year and we both run our own businesses which has added pressure to some degree (along with some flexibility!)

We always planned to have a 2 year gap but now it's approaching conception time again that seems really quick!

Me and my husband through 2 years is best for friendship between siblings (we only plan to have 2). We also wonder if it's better to embrace the madness immediately while we're used to it, or whether to have a bit of a recovery year (or two) in between, when our little one will be at nursery and we can work properly etc. What do you think? Is 2 years optimal like I always thought it was, or does a 3/4 year gap work well for you?

TIA

I mean this in the nicest possible way, but it's not always something you can engineer with precision! I wanted a small gap, had no trouble getting pregnant with DS, but he is almost 5 now, and I've not even had a hint of pregnancy. I no longer ovulate (I'm only 30 so wasn't expecting that!), so this is obviously causing issues for us.

So, based on that, my recommendation is to just go for it! You never know how long it's going to take or what issues may arise. Of course there's no reason to assume that would happen, but in our case, if we'd waited then we'd potentially be looking at an even bigger gap than we are now, and that's assuming that it ever happens again- ovulation is pretty important!

I think a lot of it depends on personalities as much as age. I have a 2 year 6 month gap between our two. It helped that dc1 was a calm and fairly well behaved child and there was no big developmental delay with walking/toilet training/sleeping through. Dc2 is very different and is much busier getting into mischief. It depends on the children and how you cope. Having children close together can be good long term but it is tough hysically and mentally when they are small and you are trying to cover all bases.

My two both girls have a gap of 2 years and 2 weeks and its perfect it was hard when they were smaller but now this year they are both in school and its much easier they are mostly :) best friends.

Thank you guys! Yes good point it cannot be engineered in fact part of me thinks if we REALLY want a 2 year gap we should start trying now which feels... well... too soon! Also I am still breastfeeding which means there's probably a weaning process to go through first. This has all made me think more clearly though. Maybe we'll just see month by month if we feel ready. My first still seems so little... and so utterly exhausting! X

You're in the easy bit now IMO. If you're finding a baby exhausting I would wait a while as toddlers are much more work!

Got a 20 month gap between my two boys. When I was pregnant I was terrified! I worried how a new baby would affect my relationship with DS1 as he was still quite little and also how I would cope with two under two. The reality has been so much better than I could have hoped. We had no problems really with jealousy as DS1 just accepted the baby and they adore each other. Yes childcare will be more expensive in the shorter term but over quicker. My mentality was that while I was in the baby zone and used to nappies and lack of sleep it was a in for a penny in for a pound mentality. However DS2 is an easy ish baby. Don't know how I would have coped with a colicky one. There is no perfect or right gap. You never know how easy or hard conceiving will be. Whatever gap you have will be your new normal.

If you're tired now wait a while before you have another one! Two year olds are much much more tiring than babies, and some of them sleep just as poorly.