AIBU

[becca1611]

I'm a first time mum and since my baby was 2 weeks old my mother in law has been asking to take baby out for the day. I don't dislike my mother in law but she's not my number 1 choice in person but I am always very nice for the sake of my partner and more so now because of baby. I managed to shrug her off for the first few weeks telling her it was too soon and I wasn't ready for baby to go out without me. She continued to pester and so I let her take baby for a walk but I dropped baby off and collected so it was on my terms and I returned within an hour.
Baby is now nearly 7 weeks old and my partner and I went away for the night this week leaving baby with my mum. I was very reluctant to do so as really didn't want to leave baby. This has now caused tension as I knew it would because I left baby with my mum and not mother in law. She now wants baby for the whole day at the weekend. My partner doesn't understand and thinks I'm being selfish this has caused a huge argument and we currently aren't speaking.
Anyway I have agreed to let mother in law have baby for 4 hours but she messaged my partner back saying she was hoping for longer. NO was my response but he went behind my back and has arranged for her to have baby for 6 hours.
I really don't want to let baby go. I have no plans and nothing to do to distract myself in the day. My partner is working too. Am I being totally unreasonable? How do I stop this going ahead. My stomach is in knots and I literally sob every time I think about it 😢

I know how you feel, I didn't let DS out of my sight until he was 10 weeks old and that was with DH and only for an hour or so while I went to the gym. So far it's only been either me or DH looking after him, haven't left DS with anyone else. DS is 6.5 months now. I just can't do it yet!! So you have my sympathies

My mil also keeps offering but we have never taken her up on it.

The reply was about her wanting quality time with her as she's been away and missed her. But that's just one of those things. If you go on holiday when your grandchild is a newborn you have to accept they will have had a good growth spurt and changed a lot. I was pregnant for 42 weeks it's not like they didn't have warning that baby would be here for summer 😒 my parents purposely didn't book a summer holiday when they knew I was pregnant so they could be around for support if needed. Anyway I have had a good rant at partner and he has apologised for being a complete knob head and seems a bit understanding about my feelings of it all. I just now have to face the MIL tomorrow when Iv practically told her she made me feel shitty and I don't want her having my baby 🙈 even though she still is. But only for the amount of time I choose! Just need to be brave now and let her know We will not be making a habit of this!

Good luck for tomorrow OP. My MiL is going on a two week holiday abroad in a weeks time and I'm 35 weeks, she's really anxious that our child is going to come while they're away... I seriously doubt that they will but part of me does want to say exactly what you said- this holiday was only booked a couple of months ago so they definitely knew it would be close to my due date!!

I can see where your DP is coming from you allowed baby to stay with your own DM and in his own eyes his own DM is just as good as your own DM to have time alone with baby.

However I also can see where you are coming from as a first time mum myself my DC is 5 months old now I have never allowed him to stay at either my parents or my DH parents house alone.

They have each had turns in having him for a few hours at our house whilst me and DH have gone out for a meal or cinema just to get time to ourselves but I've never and never will feel comfortable to leave my DC overnight and not because either parties aren't capable of looking after my child but because I'm just not ready to be separated and I feel that they have all had they're chance of being parents and I don't feel the need for my DC to be away from me.
Also I know how it feels naturally your going to be closer to your own DM compared to your MIlL I have stayed at my parents for a few nights with DC when DH has had to work away thankfully he has never forced or suggested we stay at his mums because to be fair I wouldn't want to not because she's horrible but I'd just rather not it's not the same as being at my own families house.

Maybe if your MIL is demanding time suggest it at your house only that's what I do that way I'm close by my DC isn't in anyone else's house and when you feel enough is enough you can politely pick your child up and suggest it's nap time for you both drop subtle hints.

I hope it works out for you op just speak to your DP explaining how you feel.

I totally get you. My daughter is two and I'm still not comfortable with my MIL having her. Ever since she was born she asked to have her. But at the same time she hardly every visited so my DD never got used to her enough to spend time with her alone (not my fault).

The reason I hate it so much is because my mother in law is very old school about things and likes to do things her way. When my daughter was a baby she would move her from her back to her stomach (while sleeping). I assume belly sleeping was the reccomened position when she had her children but it's not anymore and my DD was perfectly asleep on her back!

She also comments on how I dress my daughter (my DD is well dressed may I add). A few weeks ago my partner went or with his mum, siblings and the MIl. She re-dressed her for no reason at all.. bizarre.

What she eats, how she sleeps. Everything is commented on. It's hard work. M

Remember, she's your baby, your decision.

good luck!

Being asked to have the baby because you need time away and being forced to leave the baby are two different things

No bloody way. No one looks after my 18 month old but me let alone 7 weeks!!