No you cannot have a pork pie.

[Spottylu]

Dd didn't eat much dinner...again. I've been working all day and came home and cooked, so was very cross that half the dinner ended up in the bin.
It's now bedtime and of course, she's hungry. I've stuck my ground and said no.
I know you are not supposed to insist they finish their meals anymore and grazing is supposed to be healthier than 3 big meals, but how does that work with hot meals. Goodness knows I'd happily not have to cook at 5pm after a long day at work.

On the days when I get the feeling 3yo DD1 is going to pull the I'm not hungry/can I have a snack stunt I tend to put the remainder of the meal on the side and produce it when she complains she's hungry later. The penny has started to drop that she doesn't get snacks if she's left most of her main meal, but it still happens once a week. I have been known to either tell her the kitchen is closed until the morning (if dinner was the missed meal rather than lunch) or serve up plain toast only, but the re-serving has worked best and gives the least amount of tears.

In terms of feeling less upset about food going in the bin: do you currently do her a different meal to yourself? I care much less about the wasted effort when the DCs are having a portion of whatever I was going to be cooking for DH and I anyway.

We all eat the same and I should point out she's 9. 😏
Putting the food aside is a good one. I've been thinking about it and I might also let them serve themselves more. I tend to do it to save washing up.

Serving themselves is an excellent idea that I may steal They could serve themselves directly from the pans away from the table to keep the washing up low?
I often do small portions with more in the pot if they want it too in an effort to reduce waste. That also helps with them for example picking out all the pasta and leaving the veg: want more, eat the veg first! I hate food waste and will happily have any leftovers for lunch the following day. I should point out I'm not mean this is all food they know and like, it's just they will only eat the very 'best bits' given half a chance then try for treats later.

I also put the plate to the side and that's what he gets if hungry later. He knows now so doesn't bother to ask for a snack. If however I have served something new, he's tried it but doesn't like it, then I'll do some toast or something.

I didn't know grazing is supposed to be good for you. I've always been a grazer, pick all day long. I do like a good meal obviously but one a day not three Square meals.

would you do the same if you cooked for a friend or your partner? Deny them food when they were hungry because they didn't eat enough of the meal you cooked. It must be awful to have no control over what you eat or when you eat, and to know that if you feel hungry that you are totally dependent on someone else's opinion to take that hunger away.

Yes she is a child, but she's still a human.

Yup, mine get theirs left on the side until they magically announce an hour later that they are hungry.

I do get that, but how do you deal with just refusing meals so she can have a pork pie, biscuit, Nutella toast instead.
I feel I need to ensure she is eating healthy in part because she has tummy issues and we have ended up on very strong medication to stop her throwing up, but even without that, I'd want her to eat healthy.
And I 'd expect an adult to respect the effort Is put into cooking and not refuse the meals.

Seriously, I'm not that bad a cook. 😊

Lollypoppins
I read somewhere that we were never designed for 3 meals a day, grazing is supposed to be better at keeping you healthy but I can't remember the science behind it.

Can she help with the meal planning and cooking? I'm fully aware that a 9-year-old's kitchen assistance might not be what you'd ideally want after a day at work but it might help. Mine always eat more when they've been involved in the prep.

Do you ever have days when you're hungry but you just don't know what you want, or go to a restaurant & the portion is so vast you don't even know where to start? Google "you don't have to eat it" sorry I can't link here. But it's an eye opener. Takes the stress away, my DD is 9 as well and if I know she's holding out for dessert sometimes we'll have an upside down tea. A lot of nights I don't do a pud so I'll say "you don't have to eat it, but there's no pudding tonight" so she's making an informed decision. Serve small portions, it's easier to have more than feel like you've got to plough through a daunting portion. Start to involve her in the preparation & cooking of your meals, my DD likes to add a "secret ingredient" (it's usually a squirt of ketchup) to sauces or marinades. I do usually try & direct this a little, we've not had to have fish & strawberry jam or any other weird combos - yet.