what to do when child has whole days when he is in a mad mood

[workingitout246]

Every few days my son has days when he is angry and obstinate. I grit my teeth and try to make light of it........staying positive and trying to not snap. It is virtually impossible to keep it positive however when I lose it the day is ongoing negativity.
It just doesn't seem possible to get him out of being rude and unpleasant when he is like this......joking, listening, empathizing punishing I have tried them all,
, He does things such as moaning loudly about how mean I am, or he will refuse to eat or jump on furniture potentially dangerous to himself, go ever so slowly at things when they need to be done......the list goes on. When I snap and punish him he blows up and shouts, screams, slams door, argues. He is 8 years old. I am a single mother. Suggestions please!!!

Send him to his bedroom for the day without electronics. He'll soon learn. Out for meals only. If he chooses not to eat then he can wait until next set meal time and have water in between.

Is he getting enough sleep every night?

Don't adults have days where they're not in the best mood? The difference is that we've learned to not take it out on others. I'm not sure punishing him will help

He is going to bed later because of holidays but generally being 10-11 hours which is what he generally has during the term. So yes he is getting enough sleep.

Is it a new thing? Could he be anxious about going back to school?

Yes adults do have bad days and I don't expect him to be in a good mood all the time! I would however expect that by 8 he would have some strategies to be able to manage his negativity and anger without being so unkind. Last night, when he was in a better mood we compiled a list of things we could work on to get him back on track when he is feeling downhearted. He came up with some good suggestions........drawing, origami, thinking about good times, punching the beanbag.

It is not a new thing. It happens periodically but probably because it is school holidays it is more noticeable to me. Getting out of the house and doing something outdoors and active seemed like a good idea. But believe me it is an effort taking an angry, argumentative boy on public transport (we don't have a car) or walking to a nearby park.

Maybe he should have a bit of counselling, it's possible he is suffering or angry about not having a father. Other schoolchildren can be nasty about that.
I brought my son up alone and he was never angry or argumentatative, we both felt it was a relief when we left his father and he was much happier afterwards so our home was much more light hearted and fun.
It sounds like there is an underlying problem here of some sort, of course I don't know your circumstances but a lot of boys cannot express themselves well emotionally and anguish of some sort comes out as anger. Just a thought.

It sounds like he needs exercise and his electronic devices taken off him.
The combination of being sendentary and staring at a screen and lack of sleep will put anyone in a bad mood.

He is terribly fit. Yesterday (a typically active day) he went to a swimming lesson scootering there and back, plus we had a long walk despite the rain. Electronics except TV were not used at all yesterday.
His use of electronics is not excessive.
I have thought about counselling ...(.irriateduser) and approached the school as they have a counselor who has limited hours at the school. She didn't think my son's problems with managing anger were a priority but I could look for someone through my GP. My concern is having my son labelled at an early age when his anger may not be that extraordinary.

Counselling doesn't involve 'labelling' people. Most people who are a counsellor don't have a diagnosis.

It's someone to talk things through with who will mainly listen and help the person make sense of their emotions.

I would try approaching the school again, and also speak to the GP.

Your ds's behaviour sounds more than a bad mood - he sounds angry and anxious.

Is there any way to reframe what he is telling you and putting a more positive bent on it?

I think, sometimes, the current culture is biased too much towards venting negative feelings, instead of being more proactive about having a good positive determined mental attitude. I found this, regarding my DC's move to secondary. Some at the school seemed to magnify any of the children's worries in a bid to normalise them. I found what my DC needed was an explanation of how everything would be ok and how any slight hiccup would be solvable.

Regarding your DS's anger, if you could untangle what he is finding annoying and give him a better realistic perspective it might help. For example with waiting, timing exactly how long, discussing what you can do in the time.

Thanks person above. I don't think it is worth pursuing the matter with the school. The counselor has very limited hours....... however the GP might be able to help.What is the procedure? Do I explain the situation to the GP and then ask for a referral for a counselor for my son?

ponderingprobably thank-you. That is helpful. My son does respond well to practical discussions and solutions. I think being proactive about managing his feelings is what I have been working on .....sometimes successfully but yesterday was not a good day. I thing knowing he is not a the mercy of his feelings and things can be made better is a good message to give.

Yes, I appreciate the negativity can be very wearing OP! Regarding the accusations of being 'mean', I usually give an explanation of the rule, natural consequences of not making one. How the rule is beneficial and ask about other solutions he thinks might be appropriate. I even mention research, for example screen time effects. Usually be the end the DC agrees! (Or is bored of discussion!)

Sounds like something is bothering him but at 8 he won't necessarily be able to articulate his feelings, or even understand properly what he is feeling. It is very common to be angry and bad tempered when they are actually upset or worried about something. Ofcourse none of that makes his behaviour okay but I certainly wouldn't start punishing him for having difficult feelings. By all means have consequences for specific actions if you need to but not just for being in a bad mood.
I would focus on finding ways to make him feel loved and possibly able to share what he is feeling.

I am trying not to punish him although obviously when he is saying unkind things and slamming doors etc it is not easy. I need to continue to help him articulate his anxieties and some up with reasonable solutions.
I am a older single parent without family here and one of his worries is what would happen if I die. It is a perfectly understandable worry and one which we discuss. I am not unfortunately able to say to him if I die you will go and live with so and so because I do not have a person whom I am close enough too in this country whom I could ask that from. I do have family abroad and I know they would do that but the thought of moving to another country with people my son sees rarely is no doubt terrifying.

Aw, poor love. I know he is only eight but are there any residential trips available for him to go on? It might just give him the confidence to know that he would be ok with other people looking after him.

There are some really good parenting strategies/coaching/courses out there at the moment. We struggle with some of this with our DD and I was recommended a lady who promotes the 'Positive Discipline' approach. It's all about how a misbehaving child is a discouraged child, and giving them the support and empathy to deal with the bad feelings they might have. It's also about how we as parents speak to our kids, particularly when we want them to do something, and how a different approach can get the action you want without the arguing. It's also about natural consequences instead of punishment. Anyway, it might not be everyone's cup of tea but we're only one session in and it makes a lot of sense to me. I think it will make a really big difference for us. Could be worth a Google to see if there's anyone in your area that does it?