Writing a Will

[lolo99]

I'm in a dilemma. I have a 4 year old and his father and his family refuse to have anything to do with him, they don't accept him as part of their culture and religion (Indian Muslim). My problem is that 'who' do I put as my son's guardians if something happens to me- I'm critically ill or god-forbid, I die whilst he is a minor? I myself do not have the best relationship with my mother, she has suffered with mental illness all of her life, wasn't kind to me, was negligent and is a daily cannabis user now. She's also in hear mid 60s and lives nearly 100 miles away. She sees my son (her grandson) but only for a few hours every month. My own father is at the other end of the country and barely calls twice a year- he has no relationship with my son. He was financially supportive to me growing up, but not much else. My brother is a heavy drug user and I haven't spoken to him for years. My aunt is in our lives, she's great...sometimes can be a little nuts in her thinking but again, she's in her mid 60s. So all in all, not a great picture :(. Who do I sign my son over to? I've been worrying about it since his birth and even now haven't put anything in place as I just can't seem to decide. I have friends, who have children and they have said they would have my son and take him in, but they all live so far away too and we only see them once or twice a year so my son would see them as strangers. Please advise.

As family all seem to be unsuitable, ask a friend whose parenting style is similar to the one you are planning to use.

Then if you make 'closer' friends as your child grows up, who actually know him, revise your will later.

We are about to update our wills and are changing the named guardian as circumstances have changed over the past 10 years.

thank you. It's so hard..knowing he will already be sad and then the wrench of living with strangers :(

It's a really hard decision, we're currently sorting out Wills and are in a similar boat of unsuitable family choices OP. Only one GP left living, who wouldn't be suitable as he's an abusive alcoholic, and I'm an only child. DH has 3 siblings but one has a child with severe SN (so not fair to potentially land them with 2 more DCs), one has beliefs and a parenting style completely at odds with ours, and the third is a possible but with 3 DCs of their own and in a house they already find a bit small it would make life difficult for them. Sibling 3 also has very different beliefs to us but is far more tolerant than #2 of others, so although they'd be brought up their way it would be OK if DCs wanted to follow their own path later
We have opted for a close family friend (with DH's sibling #3 as second choice if circs change before Wills are updated). Not ideal as friend doesn't live near us or family, but they have the space, funds (DC's would be well provided for from us too, but I just mean it wouldn't leave friend in a tricky financial position), they share our views and beliefs, and the kids love them. I trust they'd bring them up in as similar a manner as we do, and the children would be happy there: I think that's the best we can ask for.