What "New parent" books would you recommend I read?

[VerityCroft]

I am 38 weeks pregnant and looking forward to welcoming Gabriel into the world very shrotly. Although I have read up lots on pregnancy and birth I am at a loss as to which book would be the "definitive" bible for new parents. I have heard of the Conteneted little baby book but I'm not keen on such a strict routine. Another I have heard about is the baby whisperer but I wondered what "real" parents would recommend!!!

What they don't tell you about being a mother and looking after babies -Nikki Bradford and Jean williams. Covers the baby's health and well-being and the mothers because obviously they are linked.

And another vote for Penelope Leach who rules IMO.

I watched a very old Penelope Leach video from the 1980s that my sister lent me. It was fab.

The most interesting book I've read on child development is Baby Talk by Sally Ward - she's a speech therapist but the book points out how communication skills often develop along with maturing senses, gross/fine motor skills, etc. and the toys, books and types of communication that might be appropriate at each stage. Fascinating.

Ha, ha Ghosty - I'm about as far from Mother Earth as it gets!

Another vote for Penelope Leach and the What to Expect book for answering queries (as Issymum says, I try to avoid looking at the section on what your child should be able to do each month). I also liked Kate Figes' book (Life after Birth) which focuses more on the mother after birth.

In my house 'What to expect' Is know as what to panic about in the first year. It is v. comprehensive but abit ott on the health thing. Gina Ford is not the antichrist, everyone has to buy the book if only to scoff at it with other mums. Personally I like dr spock, I read it to justify things, he is fairly relaxed about co sleeping & stuff which helped me out in the first few weeks when I had gina ford sitting on my shoulder whispering i was storing up trouble for the REST OF DD's LIFE. Spock is very anti thumb sucking which i chose to ignore. The best advice and help I got in the first few weeks was mumsnet by a million miles. No matter what you are going through at 3 in the morning you can log on and find someone else who has gone through the same. Good luck.

I'd forgotten Dr Spock! HOW could I forget Dr Spock?!! He's ace... my MIL gave the book to me when I had ds1 and I can honestly say that I don't often read it, certainly haven't found the time to read cover to cover. However when I've needed it, things are easily found in the index, he writes in a really reassuring normal tone, and the advice has always been spot on. Dr Spock rules!

Wow, I have the penolope leech book, but I thought it would be out of fashion by now, even though what I've read seems lovely! You see I've been given this book by my mother who brought me up with it!!

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As one who reads up on everything before doing it, I was eager to find books before ds was born.

An older friend of mine who is also a health visitor told me not to. Go on your instincts, ask other mums if you need to know anything, but don't start with books, they'll only give you something else to worry about.

I now agree. I didn't heed her advice, I bought 2 or 3 and spent the last weeks of pg reading up. Then the first few weeks of motherhood worrying, cos baby hadn't read the books and didn't know what he was supposed to do.

I finally chucked out the last one (Dr Spock) when it came to weaning, and the book said that if I ever introduced meat into my childs diet I was condemning him to a lifetime of ill health and early death.

Too much reading marrs the experience!

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I would pick and mix a little and follow your instinct. You don't have to follow one childcare-"guru", but just get ideas from what you read. Personally, I prefer the more humorous books like Vicky Lovine's "Best friends to first year of motherhood" because it points out how chaotic parenthood (especally first-time) can be and it's fun to read. I think too many of these books promise to much (like GF). It's better to know that it's perfectly normal for a 3 month old baby not to sleep through the night and for you to be totally mad with sleep deprivation the first few months (or years ha ha!) because then you don't start to worry that you are not normal because you can't get your baby into this routine or that routine. I think these books are too dogmatic. You'll find posts on MN asking if it's okey for a baby to have his milk at 7:10 rather than 7:26 (seriously!).

I would recommend asking Mumsnetters lots of questions - that often helps and gives a variety of opinions. Find a way that strikes a chord within yourself. Well that is what I did. I bought on the same day a Gina Ford book and a Dr Sears book. Dr Sears is on my bookshelf and I have called it my baby bible and has been well used. Gina was filed in my out tray.

Some natural mothers Poppins do just fine without Gina. I read books sure, but I also let my instinct as a mother develop. And that is a positive thing not a recipe for trouble.

I would recommend the Best Friend's Guide to Pregnancy by Vicky Iovine.

I am the queen of parenting books, I think I have read them all. POssibly read too much esp in the late stages of my pregnancy.

Another vote for the what to expect series, I'm currently onto the toddler years and it truly is my bible.

Gina Ford is worth a read, but her routines don't fit into real life IMO.

For a laugh and to cheer you up when you feel a bit down (which you will) Surviving the first year of Motherhood by Vicky Iovine is a must.

Good luck!

Gina Ford is fine if you are terribly insecure and need an instruction manual. (I guess we all are terribly insecure at some point!) I read it cover to cover in the hospital, took notes, followed the instructions religiously until I realised that my instincts were better. Gina can really freak you out if you take her too seriously! Besides, who had time to make black-out curtains?
Sears is preachy & v. American. Bought their Birth Book only to be told by my gyn that I would have to have a scheduled c-section. The Sears' have NO TIME for c-sections!

My favorite is called "Baby Love" by Robin Barker. It's an Australian book, but I'm sure you could get it on Amazon. It's practical and realistic. She covers everything, development health eating sleeping and so on, and gives you all the options for each situation, the pros and cons of each, and stresses that you know your baby best and to do what is right for you. The only disadvantage for over here is that all the help references are for groups in Australia. She also has one on toddlers too "The Mighty Toddler" which is also fantastic. They have been my handbook for both my girls.
Alternatively I also like the What to Expect series, just for the monthly checklists for development.

I think I have read just about every baby book going. My did find Gina Ford usful for getting some order into my life although I have to admit I think it was me neing regulated not my dd.

I also loved the baby whisperer as it seemed less prescriptice and more laid back. I followed the general adive of EAT ACTIVITY SLEEP even if I didn't follow all the details.

I also love all the best friends guides to..

I think you just have to find the book or routine that suits you, you wll find that as they get older you use them less. Until they become toddlers that is.. at the moment I am loving The Social Toddler.

But poppins - mothers often do know best! I'm what you would probably call a natural mother and havent experienced these problems you seem to think I must have. It is possible to bring up a child succesfully without using ginaford.
It's great that it is available for people who want it though.
As for health professionals, you only need to look at some of the threads on mumsnet to see that alot of them do talk crap, no matter how qualified or experienced they are.
I know I know more than any hv I've met and certainly more than my gp re breastfeeding.
Parents shouldnt just blindly trust people in positions of power, parents do often now best.

You are right mothers do know best,who knows a child better than its own parent. As I said as your child gets older you use them less and less. However a first time mum often lacks the confidence to do it blind as it were. the boos might help her find her own style. It can boost your confidence if you think of an idea and it is backed up by a book. But I would certainly never tell anyone to blindly follow one expert.

I went through a phase of being quite obsessed by baby books and had every one which I would not recommend. Sometimes dd would be crying while I frantically searched the book for an answer.

I still have the books on my shelf and like to look at them to remember the chaos my dd bought with her.

As a mum and a trained qualified nanny I would just like to say to Poppins that I think your comments about mums always knowing best made me slightly annoyed.

Yes us mums dont usually know more than the childcare experts but we have the best intentions. We dont set out to make rods for our own backs or give children wrong sleep associations for example, we just try to do the best by them.

I know how it is 'supposed' to be done and have looked after many many children , but believe me, one day ,when its your own child who wont go to sleep without being rocked in your arms, it'll be a differnet story.

Your post came across to me as if to say that mothers are stupid and dont help their kids and we should just let the 'experts' deal with it. That upset me.

cuppy your comment about how it is different really struck home with me. Before having dd I was a teacher with good disciplne and now work with pre school chidren with great success. I know what is the "right" thing to do and yet my own daughter runs rings around me.

As you say you can read all the books and know al the theory but when it is your own child....