Worried - please reassure me

[Cantthinkofaname123]

DD2 is 15 weeks old and I'm a bit concerned that she might be behind in her development (she was born at 37 weeks unsure if this makes a difference).

She sleeps a lot - 12-13 hours a night, multiple naps during the day (not a stealth boast see my previous thread from when she wouldn't sleep!) and this concerns me. When she's awake she's happy, bright and alert. She's been smiling since 4/5 weeks and at 8 weeks whenever I laid her down for tummy time she would roll over onto her back. She's stopped doing this and hates tummy time. She can lift her head up when on her tummy but can't keep it up and gets frustrated. Has quite good head control when being held but can still get a bit wobbly

She doesn't reach out for toys or grab them. There is one rattle that I can get her to hold by placing it in her hand and she brings it to her mouth and chews on it but anything else she can't grasp.

She's not yet giggling although she does smile a lot and makes some noises as though trying to laugh. She does make a lot of noises and will respond with a noise if I make one to her.

4 feeds a day 6oz at a time. HV has no concerns over her sleeping and feeding habits as I had asked whether I should add in an extra feed at night but she advised just to leave her be.

I can't remember when DD1 hit her milestones so can't compare. I'm more anxious with this baby due to a traumatic labour and could do with some words of wisdom please. I know I've had reassurance from HV about her sleeping and feeding but sometimes it's better to hear from mums who have had similar experiences. If anyone can't put my mind at rest that would be great.

Will also add she's still small weighing at 10lb8oz last week so I'm not sure whether any of this makes a difference (was 5lb4oz at birth so HV happy with weight gain).

Sounds like she's doing just fine. 37 weeks isn't classed as preterm and makes no difference to development overall. Smiling at4/5 weeks is good if it's proper smiles. Formula fed babies often do sleep for longer periods as formula takes longer to digest than breast milk. Why would you add in a nightfeed if she's doing so well? Weight gain sounds fine too.
Sounds like you're doing fine too.

Have you heard of The Wonder Weeks?

How you're feeling is exactly how I felt probably up until my son was 8 months. He didn't even roll until the 7 month mark! He's now crawling and cruising at 11 months and although I sometimes worry about development as time has progressed that worry does lessen.

I'm sorry you had a traumatic birth. I think that does make it harder when it comes to dealing with anxiety - have you had a chat with your HV about how you feel toward you birth? I know a lot of how I dealt with my sons birth contributed in the first 6 months to how anxious I was.

Sorry didn't mean a night feed as in during the night. She has her last feed around 6.30 and then we get up about 6.30/7.00 I was wondering if it would be better to give her a feed about 9 then put her down for the night. Thanks for replying, I'm just really anxious as nearly lost her at birth (was already anxious through pg) and keep comparing to other babies the same age and reading what she should be doing each week on different websites. As soon as I see something she can't do I end up conning myself that something is wrong. Stupid thing has also posted thread twice

She sounds absolutely fine! Neither of mine rolled that early, but then crawled at 7 months and walked at 11 months. Feeding/sleeping/smiling is pretty much what they do at that age!

Sounds identical to my DD at that age who was also born at 37 weeks. But, and I say this purely because you are worried and I think it will put your mind at rest, find a good HV who you trust and go and have a chat with them. They can meet your baby and check things over to see what they think. I'm certain they will say she is completely normal but I think you need to hear it from someone knowledgable.

I haven't ButtMucher but I will look it up. Thanks for telling me that about rolling over that's reassured me a lot! DD1 didn't crawl she started walking at 10.5 months so I can see me now when DD2 gets to 10 months and isn't showing signs of walking I'll be worrying like an idiot even though deep down I know I'm being ridiculous.

Yes I've spoke a lot to HV about the birth and then had a debrief with the consultant. I was given some citalopram for the anxiety but it made me feel ill so stopped it. Sorry to hear you had tough time with your birth but it's reassuring to read it's normal to be feeling like this.

She sounds absolutely fine! Poor you. Trauma and anxiety around the birth is probably taking its toll a bit. I went through the exact same thing with DC3. I was very worried and you do forget! I couldn't compare because I'd sort of forgotten what my other two were doing at that stage. But DC3 slept SO much... and then stopped sleeping until 2 1/2.

Ecureuil Fuzzy Thank You, this is the kind of posts I was needing to read. I knew I could rely on posting here for reassurance. I'm definitely going to mention all this to HV when she next comes. I always plan on asking stuff then forgot about it so I'm going to screenshot my OP and go over it with her.

TheVanguard Yes I think it has took its toll. It was due to the anxiety in my pregnancy that I was given extra midwives appointments. She came out and done a home visit in between scheduled appointments and that's when it discovered how unwell I was (I was totally unaware). The midwives and doctors said of it hadn't been for that extra appointment then it could have been a completely different outcome for us both. That plays on my mind a lot and every time I have an anxiety about something I always think back to that.

OP I didn't even have to read your whole post (I did) to know your babynis absolutely fine!!!
I'm not parental expert at all (who is) but please can I give you some advice I wish people had given me with my first.
Do not compare your baby to other babies! You'll only get a snap shot and focus on what they're doing that your baby isn't when in reality they all do different things at different rates!
Step away from google!! A 15 week old baby that eats well and sleeps well is a dream to me, don't look for trouble! Remember she's still brand new!
Do not listen to other parents brags it's probably a load of tosh!
As hard as it is try and relax- you'll only get this time once don't focus on what you think should be happening and enjoy what is!
Most importantly remember you are a fab mum doing your absolute best! Give yourself a break! You can do no more than your best!!!
(Could I suggest talking to your hv not about baby but the obvious anxiety you have following your traumatic labour)

Three That is a lovely post thank you so much. I try not to compare her because as you say she is a dream. I know I'm lucky that she sleeps so well because I'm on my own with both daughters so if she was a bad sleeper I don't know how I'd manage! I'm well aware that this will probably stop at some point just like PP mentioned her DC done . I have talked and talked and talked about my labour so I think it's something I'm just going to have to wait for to pass. I know it's not something I'll ever forget but I do think about it. Poor DD goes to bed every night with a Snuzza attached to her nappy and I still check her constantly during the night. Just worry so much about something happening to her but I suppose all parents are the same.

I think the trick is trying to block it out. I watched little boy blue on TV and after the first episode when mel was cradling Reece I was inconsolable. Played on my mind relentlessly and all I could think was how I'd ever cope if anything happened to any of them. I could not leave them alone. I had to consciously make myself stop it and block it out when I started because I was driving myself mad. Sometimes you can't help these feelings OP but I'm sure it will pass. If you're on your own a lot this won't be helping. What you're feeling I'm sure is very normal and gets us all at some point. Focus on feeling better and enjoying your bubba x

Three I didn't even attempt to watch that I end up the same as you it plays on your mind for days. I read Ralph Bulger's book and it really got to me. You can't stop imagining how you'd cope in these situations. I often have horrible images enter my head of DD1 running and falling and her teeth all smashing, falling off her bike, being knocked over etc. I try to block it all out as you say. I think I'm just a born worrier, my mum and gran are the same. I'm hoping that as DD2 gets bigger and hits milestones then that anxiety will lift (and then have the same images with her!)

Please try and talk to someone, the birth has obviously set your anxiety off badly but it sounds like there are bigger issues at play. Be kind to yourself, you sound a lovely mum try and be in a place you can enjoy it. Good luck op

I have spoke to multiple midwives, doctors , HVs and consultants. The anxiety started in my pregnancy due to a previous MMC. I was keeping in contact with the maternity psychiatrist by phone but was always in a good place and never had to see him. He came and saw me in the days after the birth but at that point I was ok. I missed my scheduled phone call with him a couple of weeks ago so waiting for another one to be rearranged. I'll discuss all of this with him and take it from there. It doesn't take over my life I'm generally fine but I could definitely be doing with loosening up a bit as I don't want this to rub off on my daughters (I do think being a worrier runs in my family). When DD1 is round at her friends playing it would be nice not to worry she's been knocked over, kidnapped, mauled by a dog. Please someone tell me I'm not the only one who thinks stuff like this

No, you're not alone. My husband still frets over them now they are adults. 19 year old is interailing and has agreed to text daily to just reassure her father she hasn't been abducted and sold as a sex slave.

Crumbs I fear I will be like your husband when mine grow up. My mum worries about me still. This weekend will be my first night out in a year and I know she'll be messaging me to make sure I'm ok. Tbh I'm pretty nervous about it myself!

She sounds fine and better than fine to me. And my two were both over four months old when they laughed for the first time.

Bang on target, OP, try to relax and enjoy her if you can. Congratulations

Thanks Liz. I went to bed feeling better last night and now I'm going to stop googling to see what she should be doing each month and just enjoy her. I wouldn't be half as bad if I wasn't reading what she should supposedly be doing (I didn't do.this with DD1 which is why I was so much more relaxed).

I think the lists of what they 'should' be doing at each age are often very ambitious - be warned that (in my area at least, not sure if it varies) this includes the questionnaires used by the health visitors at the development reviews, so maybe just prepare yourself that these are questions about what baby 'might' be doing at that age rather than what they 'should' be doing.
I had no concerns about my son's development but I remember at the 8-10 month review he scored quite badly in gross motor skills because he wasn't standing or walking, or even really crawling. He was a strong sitter and had a ride on car he rode around on so I suppose he didn't see the need for any other form of movement! I knew quite a lot of other kids from babygroups etc and only one 10 month old was walking so I presume all the other babies must have scored badly in this area too. Also mine never really rolled over until much later than whatever the 'average' age is (can't remember now) so had I been prone to anxiety about his development I could have worried a lot about that.... I hope you can feel calmer soon, I do have anxiety (though oddly it didn't manifest itself as this sort of worry) so I can empathise, especially with the thoughts about potential injuries etc.

OP, I read your original post and thought 'oh shit, her baby was born at 37 weeks just like DS, but DS didn't smile til 8 weeks... is he behind?!' I get like that a lot, especially when I meet other people's babies! DS is fine and awesome, btw

I think it's natural to worry about their development. I had a lot of anxiety as well after DS was born - our story isn't as scary as yours but I found the birth really traumatic and after DH's 3 days of paternity leave I was alone in a foreign country with my first baby and a horrible birth injury. Those things definitely exacerbated it and I think that's to be expected.

Something that really helped me was a CBT strategy I learned online. Whenever something made me anxious, I would ask myself 'what would a non-anxious mother think or do right now?' Helped get some perspective.

Archers I really appreciate your post. Reading other people's experiences really helps put my mind at rest. Especially reading about not rolling over etc until later. Today I found a pic of DD1 at 17 weeks lying on her tummy holding her head and chest off the floor and DD2 can only just lift her head up and I did think oh no! But then I thought the posts from this thread and am not letting it bother me too much

Fartniss That must have been horrible I can only imagine how you must have felt. Glad your DS is doing well. I will look into CBT online could be useful for me. Last year I had an MMC, as soon as I found out I was pregnant I kept saying something isn't right there won't be a baby. I was 99% sure of this and at my scan it was confirmed that the baby hadn't even developed past 5 weeks and I didn't find out until almost 14! So next time around I was convinced that since my gut feeling was right last time then any time I had a bad feeling in my pregnancy I must be right if that makes sense. It then turned out my feelings were right and even when I was induced I kept saying somethings going to be wrong when she's born i just know it and sure enough she wasn't breathing and had to be resuscitated. This has only made me worse now in thinking that any bad feelings I have must be right. Sorry I'm blabbering now but thought I should explain that I know the reasons for my anxieties I just need to find a coping strategy.