Potty training help please!

[KeepSmiling83]

Hi

DD2 is 2.4 years old and I started potty training a few days ago. The first day there were no wees in the potty but by day 3 she was doing everything in the potty. However she has got increasingly distressed about going on the potty or toilet. She now holds on for hours, constantly getting on and off and getting upset. She asks for her nappy to go on. Yesterday I managed to coax her on and read her a story and she immediately did a wee (I assume because she was relaxed). The same happened this morning however this afternoon she refused to sit on the potty and screamed. Eventually she weed on the couch because she couldn't hold on any longer and didn't want to go on the potty. I asked her if she wanted to put the potty away and she said 'yes' and went and got me a nappy for her.

Am I right in taking this as a sign that she isn't ready yet? She can obviously hold on (she didn't go at all between 10am and 6.30pm when she weed on the couch!) but clearly doesn't want to go on the potty or toilet. Would you stop and try again in a couple of weeks? I suppose part of me is worried if I stop she won't want to try again because she will remember this experience? But then she is getting more and more distressed and I don't want to see that. DD1 was very easy to potty train and was trained by this age but she had a completely different personality to DD2 and was much more compliant and eager to please! DD2 is definitely more strong willed!

I'm on my own so have no one to discuss it with/bounce ideas off so I do find I question myself a lot. Any advice appreciated!

I would put her back in a nappy. Potty training is 90 percent child led and she has to want to do it. It sounds like she is physically ready but not emotionally. I think when they are really ready it happens very quickly and is fairly painless.

Read up on potty learning. Basically you don't give kids to learn to walk or talk when you want them to, and the same should be true of using the potty or toilet.

Your daughter isn't ready. No sense in forcing it.

Have a break for a couple of weeks. Read oh crap potty training. It has some really good sections on how to get them not to be afraid and how to want to use the potty. You and your child can do this :)

Today is my second day of getting ds (2.9) out of nappies. We haven't done anything at all about potty training until now because he's never shown interest before, but for the last couple of weeks he's been telling us when he has a wee and wanting his nappy changed immediately, and has been showing interest in going on the toilet. As a pp has said, its been really straightforward and he's got the hang of it quickly (only one accident today), I think because he feels ready so there's no pressure. I really have no idea what I'm doing, tbh (first child) but based on my sample of one I'd advise you to put her back in nappies until she indicates that she wants to try again.

Thank you so much for the replies.

I have read the Oh Crap! book and followed the steps. She was fine at first and would happily sit on the potty but the last 2 days she has been getting more and more distressed. You have all just confirmed what I was feeling though - that I should put her back in nappies and try again at a later date.

Thank you!

It's hard for little ones to realise what poo (in particular) is and some can think it's part of them coming out, which can frighten them.

Without meaning any offence, it sounds like you've put far too much pressure on her. It is hers to control. She needs to recognise signs herself not be taken to potty at regular times or coaxed to 'relax'.

Agree entirely about doing 'potty learning', over an extended period of time, beginning just with nappy changes. Talk through everything you're doing. Nappy, wiping, body parts, trousers up & down, wash hands etc. Model using the loo. Have nappy off time with the potty about.

It's not something you 'do' successfully to a child over a few days, you facilitate them to learn the toileting process over a period of time, ideally with no pressure whatsoever. They will do it when ready and much more quickly if you don't have an agenda.

I would back right off, return to nappies, start the above & wait for interest and capability.

Out her back Ina nappy, she's not ready. I trained my twins in two day - not because I'm amazing at it but because I couldn't face two of them at the same time not ready and I'm lazy - it was one week after their third birthday.

Apologies for spelling - 🍷!

I have tried to keep it as low key as possible but I take on board that I may have put too much pressure on her.

Before we started she was asking for the potty (her cousin is older than her and has just got out of nappies so she has seen her on the potty) and telling me when she was doing a wee and asking to be changed. That was why I started but I really don't mind if she's not ready and will happily put her back in nappies and try again in a couple of months or when she starts to show more interest.

I think I knew the answer, it is just reassuring to hear it from other mums too! Thank you again.

A bit of back and forth is fine, it's great she's shown interest There's always pressure on parents to 'train' early.

I'd go back to nappies and wait at least a month before trying again, to let the anxiety fade away. She'll be ready one day, just not yet.