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Parenting

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Original poster

Failure as a FTM!!

28 replies

Torrelar · 26/08/2017 17:54

I feel like a failure as a mum. I have a 5 month old. I don't know what to do with him. How to play with him/talk to him/entertain him/teach him. I feel like the biggest failure as a mum I feel he needs so much more than me
What can I do?? What do I do with a 5 month old. I feel horrible. He sits there with toys, watches tv with me, does tummy time, we sometimes go for a walk and we sometimes see friends/go to the local club but that's it. I don't know what to do. I'm lost.

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Original poster

Torrelar · 26/08/2017 18:00

Oh I also read to him every day. Not that that makes any difference!

OP posts:

McCheese · 26/08/2017 18:01

I would keep going to baby groups, pick up tips from there. Watch other mums and group leaders playing.
Singing is always fun, anything that involves ticking or big hand and body motions. I go to a baby and toddlet group with a friend even though my DD is obly 8 weeks and I've learnt lots of songs already!

Wha about water play? Splashing in a water filled tray or get in the bath with him?

Lots more walks?

Tell him everything you're doing? I bet he loves the sound of your voice ❤️

IDoDaChaCha · 26/08/2017 18:02

Sounds like he has quite a stimulating life for his age. Don't worry you're doing well. Try to enjoy just being together, it's true when they say they grow so fast.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

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McCheese · 26/08/2017 18:03

More than anything please stop thinking you are a bad mum. I don't thinks any of us have a clue and just wing it! I would bet he loved you reading to him. Even if you don't think he's listening he will be and he will be finding it comforting

IDoDaChaCha · 26/08/2017 18:04

Oh I also read to him every day. Not that that makes any difference!

I used to think that but DD (18mos) now says stuff back to me that I've been saying to her since she was tiny. He's listening and taking in everything don't worry.

Original poster

Torrelar · 26/08/2017 18:09

Thank you ladies. Just in a low point I guess. You are all so kind! (My first post) I will take everything on board and keep on doing what I am.

OP posts:

daimbar · 26/08/2017 18:09

As long as he's warm, dry and fed with lots of love and cuddles you are doing a great job.

Changerofname987654321 · 26/08/2017 18:15

Have you heard of Tots Play? They do a baby development group which will teaches you how to play with your baby and you can buy a guide about how to play with your baby.

It sounds like you are doing the right things. Don't forget to talk to you baby about whatever you are doing or thinking and they love singing. I chat to DD about what we are doing today, the weather, what's happening on game of thrones, the dogs you walk past.

Generally at 5 months they can be pretty boring creatures and it can feel odd playing with them. It gets easier.

EyeDrops · 26/08/2017 20:04

I've found Pinterest is great for ideas when I'm feeling like that. My DD is 2 now but I still feel like I often don't do "enough" - but really as long as they're dry, warm, fed, loved and engaged with, you're doing great!

Poppet1308 · 26/08/2017 20:07

I can really identify with your post, I'm a first time mum, my little girl will be 6 weeks on Thursday.

I find myself getting so caught up in trying to do what I think I should be doing, tummy time on the play mat, walks, baby classes etc. I've realised over the past few days that she is at her happiest when we are all cuddled up and I'm talking and singing to her. She has changed and developed lots in the past week, which I think has reassured me I'm going something right!

It sounds like you are doing a fab job and I think every new mum feels like that, I know I do but just keep on doing what your doing and just enjoy your time with your baby (and I'll try and take my own advice too!) X

curiouscatgotkilled · 26/08/2017 20:13

Dont stress about it babies are boring! Just do the things you want to do and take him with you. He just wants to be with you!

My 1st baby got to do all the stuff... massage, singing, tumble tots etc, 2nd was toddler groups etc and my 3rd just got dragged about on errands and school runs and there is no difference, all happy little babies, and happy little kids.

ineedwine99 · 26/08/2017 20:13

Sounds like your doing great thats what I did with my baby at 5m old. I would just make sure to do a toy rotation every few hours so he doesn't get bored

hannah1992 · 26/08/2017 20:14

With my first I didn't have a clue. When she was newborn she just ate slept and pooped! Then when she started becoming more interactive I felt a bit stupid singing and talking baby talk if I'm honest. I'm not. Lover of toddler groups either so I thought we could combined things I enjoy and make into something she would enjoy too. Examples: swimming, took her once a week from 3 months old. I can't swim but I like being in the water and she loves bobbing around with me. Walking, go for a nice long walk doesn't matter where fresh air is a head clearer for me. Reading, I used to read her magazine articles 😂 At that age they have no idea what you're saying. Exercise, I do yoga, laid her in her play mat on the floor played peek a boo and funny noises when breathing and things she loved it. Then crawling age chasing with the hoover was always fun.

I have two now and I have to say at certain ages I've found things particularly difficult and had a slump in mood I think it's normal when they're little.

PaintingByNumbers · 26/08/2017 20:16

Imagine you are a stone age mum. You would strap your baby on your back and get on with your day. Babies just need to be close to you, share your day, fed, changed, kept clean. Simple stuff. Its just dull when its one person and a small baby stuck at home all day. When you have more kids, the younger one just sits/is held and watches. Thats how it should be, really.

Neverknowing · 26/08/2017 20:34

I felt like this but he honestly sounds happy so I wouldn't worry!
I brought my DD some blocks and she used to love to knock them over, she's 10 months now and can stack them (very proud)! I don't think there is a lot you can do with them at that age because they can't crawl and don't interact as much as when they're older. I think you're doing fine, especially seen as you're worrying and that means you're probably not neglecting him!!

Goldmandra · 26/08/2017 22:42

He needs you to talk to him, love him and give him lots of different experiences.

You can talk to him about anything. Just talking is teaching him his native language and how to have conversations. He will be learning how to take turns making sounds and he will take pleasure in hearing the sounds he makes repeated back to him.

Reading is teaching him language too and how to link familiar sounds to familiar pictures. He is learning how books are used and that they are fun - both really useful.

When you take him out, he gets new sensory experiences, learns that you stay close and help him feel safe. He learns to recognise familiar places and the routines that go with them and to enjoy new places.

When you spend time with others, he learns conversation and social skills from them too.

Watch what he can do really carefully and work out what skills he is developing. Make him a treasure box of items that aren't usually offered as toys that he can explore with your supervision and support to keep him safe.

If he's learning to pick things up, give him lots of items he can grasp easily and one or two that are a bit trickier so he learns next steps.

Play your favourite music and dance with him in your arms. Help him to feel and enjoy the rhythm and mood of the music.

Watch him really closely and think about what the world must look like to him. Ask yourself what he knows and understands and then enjoy seeing his understanding develop as he explores the world. He will drop toys on the floor over and over again but, one day, he will realise that they continue to exist when they are out of site and lean over to look for one on the floor.

You don't need fancy toys, qualifications or other babies around you. You are all he needs right now because you love him and are teaching him oodles of skills every day just by enjoying him and involving him in your daily life.

IDoDaChaCha · 26/08/2017 22:47

PaintingByNumbers I love that, very organic.

Original poster

Torrelar · 26/08/2017 23:07

Goldmandra beautifully written. Thank you all for your help. I'm feeling better in myself even though he's just gone down and it's 11pm thank you again

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Eeeeek2 · 27/08/2017 12:54

5 month olds are boring the don't do a fat lot!

Talk to him is the best thing you can't do -it doesn't have to be interesting just talk through your day to him. "Mummy is folding the washing, this is your pile this is mummy's" etc it helps them develop their language/comprehension.

Other than that do stuff that you enjoy and tag him along, go for coffee, swimming, walk in the park.

Perhaps see if your local children's centre is doing courses like weaning or first aid, this is mainly to socialise with the other parents which will all feel or have done just like you.

My ds only became fun to play with once he was about 8-9 month.

Rainatnight · 27/08/2017 19:27

You're not rubbish at all! It's totally normal not to know what to do.

We adopted our daughter who was 8 months old when she came home earlier this year. I posted on here asking 'what do I do with an 8 month old all day??' as I literally had no idea. I also started a thread asking what I was meant to dress her in!

Do you have a children's centre/sure start near by? They often do little baby activity sessions that will give you some ideas but as others have said, at that age, they don't need much. You are plenty.

Beansprout30 · 27/08/2017 20:30

My dd is now 13 months and I used to feel the same as you. It gets easier as they get more mobile and interactive, doesn't feel so much like you are talking to yourself!

But do keep talking, I was amazed at how much my dd was listening and taking in, at about 10 months I'd say 'get bunny (her fave you) give bunny a hug' and she did it, then get the cup, cow etc and she did. I was shocked at how much she understood and I hadn't really 'taught' her she must have just picked it up when I chatted away to her

Rainatnight · 27/08/2017 20:50

That is so true. I've had the same experience. They are taking it ALL in.

Eskimo16 · 27/08/2017 23:53

Sounds like you're doing a great job! That's all they need at this age. I think it's okay to let baby play alone too sometimes, I will pop DD on the playmat and she'll try eat a toy while I read next to her. Just knowing you are there makes them feel safe to explore and play I think. I couldn't go to baby groups as they were always during DDs nap time but we had our own play time at home and in the park

Cuppaqueen · 28/08/2017 10:00

It sounds like you're doing much the same things as me! I like to have a bit of a routine and also give my almost 5mo DS a bit of variety. So typically, we'll be up around 7am, feed & a bit of cuddles/ wriggling/ chatting in bed, then he goes in the playnest while I have breakfast and chat to him. I take over new toys periodically, comment on what he's doing, let him watch me eat etc. After his nap & feed, we usually do playmat sitting, rolling, tummy time, kicking etc. I'll start off sat cross-legged with him sitting between my calves and with some toys scattered and just let him go where he wants. Then he might sit propped up in a cushion to 'read' his cloth books or go in his high chair with toys while I get stuff done.

After lunchtime nap, more playmat, maybe some swing time, mirror play (he loves being held and looking at us both in the mirror), peekaboo with a big muslin. Or a walk to the coffee shop where he'll sit on my lap and gaze at everything round-eyed. Basically lots of little activities that break up my day and his. I find the days whizz by

corythatwas · 30/08/2017 12:13

Bearing in mind what Goldmandra and others have said about it all being interesting to him- I would try to factor in some kind of activity that means YOU are not bored into extinction. Meet some people you would like to meet, or go on an excursion somewhere you would like to go: he is at the perfect age to fit happily in with your plans.

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