Not ready to leave my baby yet

[leah167]

Hello
Just wondering at what age did you feel comfortable leaving your little Ines for the first time?
What tips do you have on getting used to the idea and preparing for it?
My little boy is 7 weeks old and dying to go out with my partner for a couple drinks but also feel massive guilt for leaving him and worried about leaving him!

I'm probably not the best to ask.

I didn't feel comfortable until around 8/9 months. Sorry.

I believe I am unusual compared to others though.

I'm still not ready at 7 months! Just do what feels right for you - if you are feeling such a massive guilt though, I'd guess you probably aren't ready yet :)

You'll get a range of responses, there's no right answer. Took me ages, left her with my dh at 9m for the evening. She stayed at my parents' for the night at 15m but hadn't again since (she's nearly 2 now). Haven't left my 3m old DS yet.

Don't go if you're not ready. How about a lunch? Take baby too!

7 weeks is tiny. If you need tips on getting used to the idea then you aren't ready.

Fwiw I'm going out with my friends tomorrow night (hurrah!). DS is 11 months old and this will be the first time I leave him. I'm ready!

Totally up to you! I would/did!

There's no right or wrong at all! I see so many people leaving babies overnight at 6 weeks old and onwards. They're absolutely fine. I've left my 9 month old for an hour and panicked the whole time completely dependent on you and your baby!

We went out for lovely boozy lunches at this stage, it was fab. Also did a few early dinners with DS asleep in the car seat under the table!

I had a night away at 3 months, DS stayed with DH. Was too early in retrospect, I didn't enjoy it that much.

We first booked a babysitter when DS was 4 months old, by which time he was reliably sleeping through from 6.30pm so we weren't worrying about him waking up with the babysitter there. If we'd had local family I think I'd have been ok going out a bit sooner.

I'm almost at a year and having absolute kittens about leaving DD for the day with MIL (not even overnight) in a couple of weeks time. Be kind to yourself, there's no right time

Go out with him! Enjoy this stage - they sleep a lot and stay put (you will miss these advantages when you are chasing a wriggly toddler around the place).

3 weeks first time and 7 weeks second time.

Why do you feel guilty I feel most parents who dont leave their babies due to guilt are feeling guilty because of what other people think. If your simply not ready it's not guilt that stops you you just don't want to and feel like you don't need it.

It's such a personal choice you will likely never get a balanced view as most people thinks their way is right otherwise they wouldn't have done it.

Ask yourself these questions do you trust who you leave your baby with completely? Will they be offended if you turn up an hour later having changed your mind? Will you feel good for having got some you time?

I never left dd till she was 18months . Ebf and she refused bottles dummies and anyone else but me . I didn't want to go out tho so was happy at home

Left DS at other people's insistence for 2 hours at about 10 weeks, it was horrendous and my mum admitted he'd cried for the last hour (always insisted she be brutally honest with me if he'd cried when I left him)

Did it again at about 6 months and he was fine until he woke in the night and then wouldn't settle and cried until I got home at about 11pm.

The only thing I regret is leaving him when I didn't want to because other people went on and on about it. Expecting DTs now and like fuck will I be bullied into leaving them when I'm not ready!

All babies are different though OP, some would have been completely fine being left at the same age as mine wasn't fine. If you're happy don't let others make you feel guilty. Likewise if you're not happy don't let them make you feel silly either.

I left my baby at 7 weeks to sadly go to a funeral, I combination feed so meant I could.

However despite the sad reason I had to leave her the first time, I knew i would be happy to leave her early on as I found the 'mum' adjustment quite hard going and needed 'me' time. She's now almost 5 months and I've left her overnight once for a girls weekend and a few local girls nights plus a few date nights with my DH.

Another reason I wanted to do it early on was that a couple of family members didn't leave their babies until much later on and so found it hard going on both the parents and the baby.

I can't really offer any advice other than make sure you leave him with someone you trust more than anyone, ask them to send you a few pics the first time and stay close by. Mainly for your own sake!

When you return it feels so amazing to see them again and you feel refreshed ☺️

On this comment above...

7 weeks is tiny. If you need tips on getting used to the idea then you aren't ready

7 weeks isn't tiny, newborn is tiny, but there's also nothing wrong taking seem time out at that point too. Whatever you can do and need to do when you're a mum then do it (all inside the law of course haha).

I completely disagree with the second part If you need tips on getting used to the idea then you aren't ready. You are fine!

I first left DS at 5 months for an hour with my husband, but didn't leave him with anyone else until I went back to work and he went to nursery at 9 months. I guess the desire to go out wasn't as strong as my need to be with him. Also he was ebf until 6 months, still BFing now at 13 months and has always refused a bottle, so that did make me less keen to leave him. I have a friend who went out with her partner and left the baby with the grandparents at 4 weeks old and all was and still is fine. It's a very personal thing and there's no right or wrong answer

I dont know if i'm an awful mum but i didnt class leaving my son with his dad as 'leaving him with someone else' as he was with his dad 😂
we left him for a couple or hours when he was about 3 months old, then overnight with my sister when he was around 4 months. I did miss him, but it was nice to have a night away with my husband. When he was tiny we used to take him with us if we were going for a meal and he would sleep in his car seat under the table lol
Now we have 2, and only my sister will have them both overnight 😂

DH and I went out for some drinks and a meal (not overnight as I'm ebf) when DD was 5 weeks old. As much as I love her I didn't feel guilty or sad about leaving her, just excited! It saved my sanity if anything and I knew she was in good hands with my mum x

Erm we went out for lunch just the two of us when our one was 6 days old. It was a very speedy lunch between feeds and he was little so slept the whole time. My FIL suggested it and offered to watch him so we went with it. If he hadn't I doubt we would have done it but it was fine.

There is no right answer to this.

If you feel comfortable and you trust the person they are with. What do you think is going to happen? What's the worst case scenario? You are mid dinner and your mum/mil/sil phones to say : 'maybe you should come back'?

See to me that's not the end of the world.
Go local for the first time?

We left her with my mum for an hour at about 8 weeks old. We were 5 minutes walk away and pretty much marched to the pub, drank our drinks in record time and marched back but it helped set us up to then have a much more relaxed couple of hours out a month later. It did us a lot of good to have a bit of time just us two.
Baby is now 4 months and I'm hoping we'll go out for a meal together in next few weeks.

I didnt class leaving my son with his dad as 'leaving him with someone else' as he was with his dad

^agree with this! You are both their parents!

Left dd for a few hours with dm at 7 weeks. At 10 months she started spending one day a week with mil.

The first few times you leave them you will no doubt feel very anxious but once youve done it a couple of times, and particularly if its with the same person, you will realise that everything will be just fine without you! I would say it is incredibly liberating being able to leave them for an evening and feeling comfortable and happy.

I didn't until ds was over 11mo... and even then only because I felt obliged (friend had booked us tickets to a concert etc). I ebfd and couldn't express so didn't want to leave ds much before then anyway. Even now at nearly 2yo I don't leave him much I've been out 4 times since he was born, and only ever with my DM.

Don't look at it as 'you leaving/abandoning your baby'
Get someone close and trusted to babysit, like grandma/grandpa.
Then it's bonding time for baby and grandparents. It's good for all of you, including baby x

The whole aim is to raise a happy, confident, independent child. Leaving them with someone you trust for a few hours here and there can aid this xxx Never feel guilty 💕