First trip to see family with baby and three year old

[greenishfingers]

I'm expecting a baby in mid-November, when I will also have a little girl who has just turned three. No family members live nearby. I'm hoping my mum and dad can come and help when the baby is born... then, due to my husband's parents being divorced there will be two other sets of grandparents to meet (they all live at least a 3h drive away plus breaks = best part of a day's travelling, so necessitates an overnight, at least). Then there will be Christmas. I'm hoping to keep this low key and again have my mum and dad come to visit (we spent Christmas staying with my in-laws last year). What with my husband having to catch up on work before then after paternity leave and all the visits it is bound to be a busy time.

The thing is, we also have lots of extended family - great-Grandparents, lovely Cousins and Aunties and Uncles, and more - on my husband's side who will want to see the new baby and I know we will be under pressure to visit. I was imagining January when my daughter starts pre-school as time to settle down a bit after all the hubbub and get into routine, as much as you can have one with a tiny baby, anyway. We are being asked to go then, but I really suspect it will be too soon.

At what age did you find it practical and not too disruptive to travel away from home with a new baby and older sibling? Given that the baby might not arrive til end of November I feel like waiting til March (when baby will be 3 months or just over) might be reasonable, but is that being too precious?

I'm a bit worried it's going to be all a bit much for everyone in the first few months - as much as I want everyone to share in the joy of the new one while they are little, I'm not relishing the prep and challenge of four days away, which is the bare minimum we can do to fit everyone in... my daughter's sleep, mood and toileting usually really suffers when we do trips away, so with the new baby added in I really want to be fair on her (and us!).

On the other hand, we might need to get the trip out of the way before baby starts crawling, otherwise it will not only be a challenge doing a long car journey but also feel to family like we left it too long...

I'd love to hear your experiences and if you wished you'd done things differently when second children come along.

the jump from 1 child to 2 knocked me for 6. It is way more than I anticipated, not just the practicalities of 2 but the emotinal side of it aswell. I missed not doing the things with child 1 that we used to do and I felt so guilty that they both needed me and I had to split myself in 2 for them. Obviously alot of this was hormones and just sheer tiredness making it worse. In hindsight, I wish I had put 0 preasure on myself or made plans to visit people ir have people here. Put your little family or 4 first, make plans when the baby ia here and see how you feel. It is a big adjustment for all of you and I wish I'd not underestimated that and made plans not realising how overstretched I would feel anyways, without hosting and making small talk

I'm expecting my second in mid-November also and wondering what to do because my PIL are 4+ hours away (plus stops) and we have a 19 month old who does not enjoy car journeys.
We've put our foot down pretty firmly that Christmas will NOT be spent at my MIL's, despite her unreasonable nagging protests, and everyone is more than welcome to come to us, where we may go to a nice family-friendly pub for a Christmas dinner.

I think you should think of yourself and your children tbh. Have a quiet Xmas and absolutely wait until march before you do any big travelling.

If they are desperate to see the new baby they can come to you when you say they can.

My DD was 6 weeks old and going through a huge cluster feeding growth spurt when her great nan arrived with other family members. They all got a quick cuddle and completely understood when I had to keep taking her away to feed. I did feel bad as they had driven from Devon but such is life, they've all had babies and I'm very glad it wasn't me that made that journey with a new born!!

Having had a difficult birth and complications afterwards with my first and so far only I think anything under 3 months would be silly. You can always bring visiting people earlier if you wish if things are going well.

Thank you all for your thoughtful replies. it's made me feel a bit more confident in my judgment about what's going to be right for us. Thinking it through I have been worried (=realistic!) about how it's going to be hard but you never really know if you're going mad with stuff you've read on the internet/books and not really being "can-do" enough! It's hard to feel like you're letting people down when they are kind enough to be showing interest in your baby.

Saying we're going to see how it goes sound like a good tactic, there's definitely a positive way of framing it as well "can't wait to see you all when we're ready to come up".

And yes it's a lot easier if people come here, particularly if they stay in a hotel which would certainly be in most people's own best interests!

Changer I am sorry to hear about your difficult birth experience. having seen friends go through some dreadful things it's definitely something to bear in mind and reinforces about not making any promises. When talking about visiting the first time, family members seemed to be very confident not only that all would be fine but that I wouldn't go more than a week overdue! I did wonder how anyone who had had a child (or even spoken to anyone who had) could be so breezy about it all, and where they were getting their inside information from!