Age gap too big??

[rbeau]

I have a 5 year old (6 in January) and have been with my partner for 5 years this Christmas. We are getting married in December and have been talking about having another baby next year.

That means we will have a 6 (possibly more!) year age gap between the children and that makes me really nervous! We would be completely starting again so to speak as we don't have any 'baby' things now and our DS is becoming more independent and grown up each day - about to go into year one at school.

Does anyone else have an age gap like this? Has it worked well / badly? What are the pros / cons that you have found?

Why nervous? Nervous of what?

I've known people with ten month gaps and twenty year gaps. It all just works however it works. You don't have to fit a suburban 1950s ideal.

I got on much better with my half sister who is 5 years older than my full sister who is much closer in age. It's still true actually.

My dns have a 6 year age gap and I think it's great. Dn loves helping look after her sister when she was tiny and now they are 9 and 3 and they have a great relationship. I on the other hand have a 20 month age gap again my dc get on well.
Having all 3 together mind is hard work with a spread of ages 9, 6, 4, 3.

my eldest is 16
my middle is 8
youngest 10 weeks

worked well for me, at 6 your ds will love doting and helping you. x

Ds was 6 when ds was born. . Now 3+9 and very close indeed!! Big brother takes his role very seriously in fact!!

@SerfTerf Nervous of 'starting again' as such. I'm certainly not bothered about fitting any stereotype - instead just apprehensive of how it will impact outlets family dynamic and interested in other people's experiences.

@SerfTerf Nervous of 'starting again' as such. I'm certainly not bothered about fitting any stereotype - instead just apprehensive of how it will impact our family dynamic and interested in other people's experiences.

@SerfTerf Nervous of 'starting again' as such. I'm certainly not bothered about fitting any stereotype - instead just apprehensive of how it will impact our family dynamic and interested in other people's experiences.

There's a 6 year gap between my sister and me, it works! My mum liked it as my sister was able to help a bit when I was little and she was at school for most of the day so mum got to rest a bit when I slept. We weren't very close when I was little (I wanted to play, she wanted to chat with her mates) but we were as thick as thieves during my teenage years, we had such a laugh and was (and still is) my role model and rock. We have always been at different stages completely so were never competitive like my husband and his brother (under 2 year age gap), just supportive.

Have an 8 year gap between DS and DD.

Have a 6 year gap between DD and DS2.

I absolutely love it.

There are so many positives to it. You'll be able to enjoy baby whilst your DS is at school. They'll be at different milestones and never at the same time (i.e 3 kids under 5 will at one stage be 3 teenagers - and that would be tough money wise etc).

There's no close ages gaps for them to be jealous of each other. The older ones can look after the youngest and be much more helpful.

You can explain to the older one what's happening, and talk to him about new baby.

Anyone parent I have ever known that is super stressed, is down to close age gaps (not all everywhere, just in my circle is all) - as having them so close together is definitely harder.

I think you'll love it

It can cause difficulties when the oldest wants to go to the cinema or something where taking a baby isnt feasible but depending on your DPs work schedule etc its all manageable with a little planning. I have a 5yr gap with my sibling and we get on really well and I have a 6yr gap and theyre great friends too.

Ive got 7 years between my girls, I'd say the downside is starting again as the elder is starting to get more independent, going back to sleepless nights etc. Pros are my eldest loves to help out, shes a proper little 'mini mum' and my younger daughter, and the little one really looks up to her big sister

Also as map says, finding stuff suitable for both ages can be awkward. I just do things separately aswell as together

Thanks for all the replies! Really comforting to read of other people's positive experiences!

I think DS will be a fantastic big brother, he's great with younger children, just feels like such a leap back into baby mode! But very exciting too ☺️

DS1 and 2 are 5 years apart. It's brilliant. DS1 endlessly entertains his baby brother (he's a good boy though) and the baby is mesmerised by him. No jealousy, no competition. It's been brilliant.

Would you let it put you off having a second child though?

I'll let you into a little secret.... everybody with multiple children thinks their gap is the best.
Ignore what you've read and if you want another child have one. The gap will be just perfect you will find!

Hey, my daughter is also 6 in Jan (the 18th), and I'm currently pregnant with baby 2 due on 27th Jan. Like you, I've had lots of reservations about 'starting again', which have been more of a concern (from my own selfish perspective) than the age gap itself. Our daughter is so excited - she thinks she's getting a real life doll. Ha! I know these comments aren't particularly helpful, but I just wanted you to know I have felt the same as you too but am a little further down the line xx

There's 8 yrs between my eldest and youngest. Positives are they help out with the baby like getting you nappy wipes or help tie shoe laces things like that. There's only 1 baby to look after the older can feed dress and toilet themselves. Negatives they don't really have much in common finding activities that suit all the children is hard.

I've recently had DS2 and we have a 5 year age gap. It's worked out better than I could ever have hoped for at this stage. DS1 was so excited from the minute we told him. There hadn't been a hint of jealousy and he adores his baby brother.
At 5, he's quite independent which makes my life much easier. He's also an excellent little helper and keen to be involved.
The baby also has a chance of being 'the only one' when DS1 is at school.
It is a bit like starting again with all the baby stuff, but this time you know what you're doing and it's is definitely so much easier.
I have two friends who have a 5 year age gap between a DD and a DS. In both cases the siblings get on really well and are close.
My mum and her sister are 7 years apart and they are also very close.
Don't let the age gap put you off. It is what it is and you don't want to look back in a few years and regret not having another.

There is 12 years between my youngest sister and I

I wouldn't want a massive gap, I'd feel like I got to the end of a marathon to find a mother starting line!

Is there a reason you don't just crack on now instead of wait if that's the plan anyway?

There's 5 years between my boys, the very early days were good - DS1 had just started school so I had peace in the later part of pregnancy and early newborn days. I found it harder when they were 2/3 & 7/8 because DS2 was a handful toddler so I couldn't do as much as I'd like with DS1.

It then got easier for years, they're now 8 & 13 and bicker a lot , but I know they adore each other really...

@CatsAreAssholes I do worry I'll feel like that! We are getting married at Christmas time, so plan was to start trying just before that - might be a tight squeeze into my dress otherwise 😂

There is 10 years between me and my brother, and 20 years between me and my sister. I felt so much more involved because I was older.

There's going to be a 7 year gap between DD and this next one. I had wanted a smaller age gap but I can see the upsides of this - DD is really excited and keen to help with baby, I'll get time alone with baby while she's at school. Not keen on starting over with the sleepless nights but I'll manage somehow.