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Young Mummies.. pros and cons of having a baby at 23/24?

19 replies

lizzyttc2017 · 19/08/2017 16:31

Calling all Mummies who had their first baby between 22-24 ish, do you regret having babies in your early 20's or are you glad?

Just interested to hear opinions and pros and cons. I know age is often just a number with a lot of things in life as its all about your personal situation but Id love to hear from some of you! :)

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ButtHoleinOne · 19/08/2017 16:34

I don't think it's particularly young really. I think the problem with that age is it's when you're meant to be getting stuck in to something. So if you had been a young mum 17-20 you'd be able to start going back to school or even still at home for a bit. Otherwise you'd have already been building a career and this would be be exact wrong time to do it. So all that waffle was basically earlier or later in me experience is better.

PurpleTraitor · 19/08/2017 16:43

But it's just a baby, it doesn't stop you getting stuck into anything. It's a few months off, in the grand scheme of things. I suppose it might affect you more if you follow a pre determined life path with firm ideas about these things. I have no firm ideas. I had a baby at 22. It was fine. I also had more later on. I also got a degree and a career and a house and a long term partner and all the other things on the life list. Just not necessarily in that order.

IllBeAtTheSpa · 19/08/2017 16:47

Is that young! I was 25 and I wish id had my dd at 22 23 but took me 2 years to conceive! Young to me is 16-19 so guess that's subjective.

I suppose the pros are the gap is earlier in your career so you can focus on it later when kids start school and your still young
Negative you've not forged a path for yourself in some respects so may struggle to get back into work market?

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Mrscropley · 19/08/2017 16:48

I had 4dc by 24. Blush

ButtHoleinOne · 19/08/2017 16:51

purpletraitor

It doesn't necessarily stop you but you're not being honest to suggest that it can't stop a lost (most?) people in their tracks. Especially if you don't have lots of help from family. It completely fucked me up and I'm now starting from square one in my mid thirties and really wish I hadn't.

OvariesBeforeBrovaries · 19/08/2017 16:59

I don't think it's particularly young, but then again I had DD at 19 so 23/24 seems like a good age to have a baby for me. I've just turned 23 and we're TTC #2 so I don't think it's a bad age Grin

I don't think it necessarily has to hold you back, but it definitely could. I was at uni when I had DD, I pressured myself not to take any time out and I managed it and graduated with a 1st but it was a lot of pressure and a lot of stress and I wouldn't be quite so hard on myself if I could go back. I didn't have any immediate family support either as they all lived hours away, just then-DP (now DH) who was also a full time student.

I now work full time in a good job so it's not impossible to get your career off the ground but it's making things a lot harder for yourself. Still, if you're prepared to put in the hard work, I say go for it :)

OlennasWimple · 19/08/2017 17:07

I was a couple of years older when I had our first DC. I was glad that I had got a few years of professional work under my belt, and got a critical promotion before I went on mat leave.

One pro of having them younger is that I am now in my early 40s with ten years or so before I'll have an empty nest but still 20 years of career potential ahead of me. I look at colleagues who are my age but with pre-schoolers and wonder if they will ever be able to stop working, given the rising costs of further and higher education.

I look forward to becoming a grandparent at an age when I am still able to help with them (hopefully!!!) and enjoy them. I had older grandparents myself, and definitely feel that I missed out on that relationship.

I definitely had more energy for dealing with small children than I do now...

One big con is that being the first in our friendship group to have DC was tricky at times. We missed out on a lot of social things, just because we couldn't do them with DC in tow. We never got to travel the world and be able to do things like stay in backpacker hostels and be more flexible with our plans (I know you can do them with DC, but it's a lot harder). Some friendships naturally drifted apart because we were in very different stages of our life.

Many of our friends now are older than us, because we met them through the schools and clubs that our DC have gone to. That's no bad thing, but it's an unintended consequence of being younger than the average mother.

MummytoCSJH · 19/08/2017 17:08

That's not really young I don't think. I had my son at 16. Don't regret it one bit.

RandomMess · 19/08/2017 18:48

I was 24, it was a bit rubbish really. Not long finished uni so never got to holidays with friends or partner. Had my last child at 33.

Never got my career off the ground, still not had holidays and by the time DC are adults I don't think DH will be well enough to do much!

I think starting really young or 30ish is better tbh.

Youcanttaketheskyfromme · 19/08/2017 18:49

I think it's young. I can't imagine already having a kid before about 25.

NellWilsonsWhiteHair · 21/08/2017 06:56

I had mine at 24, but that was partly because I was already on a slightly unusual trajectory in terms of the whole uni/career thing. I'd been working full time since 17, and had gone to uni part time (still working full time) at 21. So in a sense I interrupted myself in an equivalent way to having a baby at 19/20, as some on this thread are suggesting is more practical.

For me, it worked out beautifully in that practical sense. Going back to uni (part time in my final undergrad year, followed by full time MSc) was a really nice way of building up to being an actual working mother which I am now. DS came along for the ride, basically - I sound glib and of course him being alongside me made things harder in lots of ways, but it was also really nice.

Hard to compare a first DC at 24 with a first DC say 5 or 10 years later, because obviously nobody gets to be in both positions to compare! I am sure there's something to it when people suggest you've more energy as a younger mother, and of course the odds are much more in your favour with getting and staying pregnant. Otoh, I think it's also true that you gain greater emotional maturity as you age, and that's a really beneficial thing for motherhood. I would have described myself as comparatively mature at 24, and so would the people around me, but actually I think I really had to learn on my feet to find the necessary patience and perspective and strength for mothering - which is undoubtedly true of everyone but I really believe it's also something that comes with age and so is much harder when you're younger.

A lot of people on MN often talk about the importance of 'enjoying' your child-free years. I only half get this tbh. Before I had DS, my master plan was that he'd be an only and so I'd be 'free' again pretty much once I hit my forties. I knew loads of women in their forties who were out and about and having fun and dating etc so that didn't seem like a bad deal at all, especially when I felt so ready for a child. I've since decided I'm not done having babies, which changes that a bit! But my perspective has shifted on that and actually I'm pretty content accepting that I'll have dependent children until I'm closer to 50. I like having a child. I have found it extremely compatible with doing all sorts of other things, even as a lone parent with limited practical family support. It's not an inconvenience I wish to minimise or delay or whatever.

At 24 I was earning a modest salary and not feeling especially confident that that would change. Post-graduation, that's changed a lot, and I do sometimes wonder if I might have waited and done other things first, if I'd anticipated it? Childless colleagues of comparable age and salary go on some pretty amazing holidays etc, and occasionally I think ooh, that would be nice... Then I go home to my son, or better yet I go away with him to admittedly a less outright adventurous destination, and I think - actually, this is definitely, definitely what I'd choose.

Long and rambly! I'm glad I had mine when I did. Tbh I think once you decide you're fundamentally ready for a child, you make it work and you bend the narrative to suit your circumstances. 22-24 is a funny one in that to some people it looks very young (e.g. middle class London families where offspring live at home years past that!) and to others, where having babies in the late teens is pretty normal, it's relatively old. I've grown from a very working class background into a very middle class one and I notice this in the different perspectives acquaintances have - a lot of work people express surprise when they realise I have a 5yo, old school friends never think it's odd.

Babydreaming · 21/08/2017 12:22

Personally I think it's too young. I had my 1st at 28 and I'm The youngest out of all my friends. I really wanted a baby but when he arrived I wished I had waited til early 30s. I got jealous of my friends going on fun nights out/holidays that I missed out on. Also wish I'd got further into my career!

firawla · 21/08/2017 15:16

I had my 1st at 21 then had three by 24, it worked well. I think you adapt to it quickly having them quite young. But had my 4th now at 30 and I do feel more patient and like I have more experience, so pros and cons to all. I wouldn't put off having a baby at 23ish though if you're ready

Dina1234 · 21/08/2017 15:29

I had my first at 19 and my second at 21. This caused a little bit of disruption (delaying university etc) but in the scheme of things has caused minimal inconvenience. Because of my age I have had no physical problems during or after pregnancy. My father was still young enough to be a big help. And now I am free to pursue a career free of interruptions so it's a win win. I can also look forward to being a young grandmother and most likely a great grandmother. If you can have children early (you are in a financially and emotionally adequately stable place) then do it. There is no reason to delay unless you haven't been able to establish a position that is suitable for parenthood.

MyVisionsComeFromSoup · 21/08/2017 15:40

I had mine between 22 and 31, DC3 is now 15, I'm 46 and starting to look forward to child free time. I'd ideally like there to be grandchildren while I'm still young enough to be able to do fun stuff with them (my DCs grandparents are all mid 70s and quite "old" now), although no-one seems to be forthcoming with them Wink.

However, it was very hard coming from a party lifestyle to full time mum, especially as DH was at the start of his career (commuting to London on £8k a year, studying every evening and weekend), and we were pretty broke.

If I could do it again (and end up with the same DC obviously) I'd have waited till late 20s, and set up more of a savings pot/started a career.

But, plus sides now are I'm younger than almost all the DCs friends mums (maybe catching up a bit with DC3's friends mums), and I still have a lot of years left to be selfish in Grin.

HelloKittyCats · 21/08/2017 15:57

I am 33 and I have 3. I think it is best time to have them as I am still working full time and have completed my BA and MA. I wanted them young as I don't want to give up my career.

HelloKittyCats · 21/08/2017 16:06

It doesn't have to stop you working, studying or going on holidays with your friends. That's what husbands/partners can do to support you to be able to still achieve your dreams. We didn't have family support either.

bellaboo101 · 21/08/2017 16:43

I gave birth December 2016 when I was 22.
It made me mature very fast in ways I didn't think I needed maturing in. I went back to work last month and life continues and you find a new routine.

Never any regrets though.It's the best feeling ever.
My husband says he wants to fill the spare bedrooms with more children too so I know he feels the same Smile

The only negative where I live is that a lot of the other mums are a lot older than me and I never get chance to mix with anyone more my age with similar interests in things.
I sometimes find the older mums can be quite judgemental even though I'm hardly a 'young' mum. Confused that might just be me misjudging 'vibes' though!

lizzyttc2017 · 21/08/2017 18:17

Thank you for all of your advise guys! I am 23 and have a home with my fiancé. We aren't super rich (which is to be expected when you're in your early 20's) but I own my own photography business which pays a great wage and he has a fairly well paying job also. It will definitely be a struggle but who's to say it wouldn't be a struggle when I'm 30. It definitely depends on circumstance!

Fingers crossed I can make a good group of Mummy friends also in their 20s once I do finally have a baby (we've only just begun ttc).

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