Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

Teaching Mother Tongue

33 replies

neetsmassi · 17/07/2004 02:41

I would be interested in other people's experiences/views on the following. I am Asian, DH is white. My DH does not speak my mother tongue, Punjabi, and therefore we always speak in English to DD (4). I would like her to learn punjabi but am not sure how to do it without excluding DH - Any ideas/experiences?
TIA

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
survivour · 17/07/2004 02:55

Hi neetsmassi, I have 3 boys, 10+7 years and a heart baby nearly 2 years old, I have always spoken to them in my mother tongue and in english, they all understand both languages, the oldest can read and write in 2 languages, the middle one can not read both languages, but is trying, and the 2 year old does as he is asked in both languages. This way you can teach both DD and DH to talk in Punjabi, GOOD LUCK.

Original poster
neetsmassi · 17/07/2004 02:57

As DD is 4 it's not too late to start is it?

OP posts:
Chandra · 17/07/2004 03:31

What about only speaking English when his father is present? I think that maybe you are the one who is going to find it more difficult as you are already used to speak to her in English and may find difficult not to switch back to English.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General parenting
Original poster
neetsmassi · 17/07/2004 13:27

Well I have started today - I said evertything to her in punjabi and repeated it in English if she did not understand - but guess what she understood most of it and was keen to copy what I had said in Punjabi! Although at one point she did say "Just speak in English mummy". Never mind

Must make sure that I continue

OP posts:
Kif · 17/07/2004 13:43

Same problem - tho Dd 15 wks so not worrying too much yet.

Any grandparents around? They could insist on speaking MT. Guessing theyd be less fluent in Eng. Else recomend holidays back there and some cousins or other chums to motivate learning/practice with.

lailag · 17/07/2004 16:24

yes, if family/friends could make the effort please! Also had many arguments/beggings to dh to speak in his own language to dd/ds but without success.I don't care if I don't understand it (well, do understand some)think it is so important/useful for them to learn more languages at early age.

Angharadkw · 17/07/2004 23:36

I am Welsh and my partner is english, and he cannot grasp welsh at all. I grew up speaking welsh to my dad and english to my mum (mum understood welsh, but didn't want to speak it). I grew up with welsh and english speaking friends. When my baby is born I intend to speak mainly welsh to it, as I think your language is a large part of your identity, and you become a different and better person if you can speak 2 languages, I know that I have read about some studies that prove this, but I can't remember any names though. I am going to speak welsh to the child while my partner is out, and hopefully convert the dad to the language as well.

froggiebaby · 13/09/2004 19:19

not sure if anyone is still interested in this thread, but I'm english, married to a frenchman, and living in France. I'm expecting our first baby in December, and will be speaking English to him (although I speak french with husband) - the decision has kind of been taken out of my hands, as, although I speak fluent french, it is NOT grammatically perfect - therefore my child should definately not learn from me!!

However, whatever you decide, you must be consistent in your choice - once you've decided to speak a certain language, stick with it. If you do this, your child will learn both languages without even trying. (by the way - I'm a teacher in a bilingual school (eng/fre) and see this everyday!) - I also know many trilingual 7 year olds - v. impressive!!

Hope this helps

Slink · 13/09/2004 19:25

Hi NM DH and i are both Asain and we started of really well teaching DD Urdu and Punjabi but then got a bit lacx but MIL lives with us and she does not speck English so dd learns from her plus my dad specks to her in Swahli so it's never to late and they do understand dd is 3

lailag · 13/09/2004 19:31

But how do you deal with a dh who can't be bothered to speak in his own language to ds/dd???He prefers speaking his mothertongue to friends/family, .DS now nearly 4 y and will now only understand english, making dh even less motivated...

Frenchgirl · 13/09/2004 19:36

hi froggiebaby, hope the pregnancy is going well. I am french married to an englishman (well, half scot half english...) and living in the UK, we have one dd age 5 who is bilingual. I have always spoken to her in french and she is very competent in it. She also spoke early in both languages (despite all the usual talk by people who don't understand bilingualism that she would probably talk late because of having two languages...grrrrr), and is an excellent reader in english and a good beginner reader in french. You have all the necessary experience given your background to make your baby bilingual, so have fun!!
One thing though: dh speaks OK french, but his accent and grammar are definitely not perfect (am sure you are far better than him though!), but he would still occasionnally read french books to dd when she was 2 or 3. One day she got fed up with his english accent in french and forbade him to read to her in french!! She would also translate things I'd tell her in french to him (even though he understood perfectly...)... hehehe....

steppemum · 14/09/2004 10:15

Hi everyone, nice to see a thread on bilingualism, haven't seen one for a while. I am English, dh is Dutch and we live overseas in a Russian speaking community. I only speak English to ds and dh only speaks Dutch, dh even "reads" some of ds's English books to him in Dutch (mind you he's only 21 months, so it is easy to translate as you go). We spent a lot of time reading up on this before we come overseas, and one thing that was mentioned in a lot of the books was that it is MUCH easier to keep going if you both at least understand the others language (or at least the basics) so you don't end up having to translate all the time, so it does help to try and learn your partners language. Also as someone else mentioned, it is good to be consistent, Mum ONLY speaks on English and Dad ONLY speaks in Dutch, that way they sort the languages out much more easily. Apparently one of the most confusing things is to mix up two languages on one sentence.
As I spend more time with ds he has started to speak English first, but is just beginning to add a few Dutch words. He understands English Dutch and Ruaaisn though.

I would really like to encourage you all though that giving them 2 languages is a HUGE advantage, and has lots of hidden benefits etc, so keep at it!!

steppemum · 14/09/2004 10:19

Just another thought (you can't tell that this is a subject close to my heart can you???)
There are lots of different types of bilingualism, loads of people are passively bilingual.That means they can understand a language but not really speak it, and then there are people who have a stong bais for one language, but can operate in a second one when necessary, etc, etc.

If you don't have any other speakers around, then, books, videos, and tapes are all excellent ways of adding different voices and vocab. If you can do home made tapes of Grandparents speaking their langugae that is even better.

Joshuasmum · 17/09/2004 12:30

I grew up with 3 languages as a result of having German parents and living in South Africa! I didn't appreciate having to learn the additional languages when I was younger (my mother had to bribe me to speak German) but definitly do now!
My DH is English and doesn't speak German although we would both like our DS to learn it. I have to admit that English comes more naturally to me having lived in English speaking countries all my life so I have to remind myself to speak German to my DS who is only 5 months old. Will I confuse him by speaking both (doesn't sound like it reading other people's comments).
What do you think is an appropriate age to start sharing German songs, video etc?
I found some material produced by the BBC called Muzzy which looks like it might be useful (www.early-advantage.co.uk), but I have to say that I am not convinced a 5 month old will benefit yet...what do you think?

snowmoon · 13/10/2004 10:03

I'm very encouraged by what I have read here. I'm Cantonese and my boyfriend is English. Our son James is 11 1/2 weeks old. I was thinking of teaching James Cantonese but have heard from some people that in order for him to learn, he would have to be surrounded by Cantonese-speaking people. As my family is overseas that is not a very likely scenario, and I was a bit disheartened. But having read some of the messages here my hopes are renewed and I will definitely make an effort to speak to DS in Cantonese. The only worry is that although I'm fluent in English, my boyfriend can only say a few words in Cantonese. Perhaps this could be an opportunity for me to teach both DS and my boyfriend?

lailag · 13/10/2004 10:26

snowmoon stick to it!
As mentioned before I am very cross with dh for not speaking in his own language to dd and ds. I have to remind him all the time.The language I spoke with my mum was not a language other "surrounding" people and dad spoke but was never a problem.

SofiaAmes · 13/10/2004 22:30

snowmoon, definitely speak to him in cantonese. He will at least learn enough to speak with your relatives when you go to visit them. And you can always tell secrets to each other about your dh in cantonese...maybe that will inspire him to take lessons.
My mother is italian and my father didn't speak a word of it, so she didn't speak to us in italian when we were little. I'm pretty fluent now, but I regret not being bilingual.

AustrianMum · 15/10/2004 13:36

Hello,

I find that all encouraging. I do speak German only to my baby boy, but a lot of people in the community and shops are clearly against that. Any ideas and experiences on that?

NotQuiteCockney · 15/10/2004 20:30

People who are bothered by people speaking a foreign language to their kids aren't worth worrying about in my opinion ...

And although young babies aren't about to start speaking any language, they're still aware of different sounds. Early exposure to multiple languages will ensure they can differentiate between the right sounds. For example, Cantonese is a tonal language, so speakers have to differentiate between three (i think?) tones. In English tones are irrelevant, making Cantonese harder for us to learn than, say, French, which has fewer new sounds for us.

One of my friends has French as her native tongue, her husband is Italian. They each speak to their sons in their native tongue, and they speak English to each other. Their son was trilingual from about two. As everyone says, the best thing is to speak only your native tongue to your child.

albert · 15/10/2004 21:08

Snowmoon, don't worry about you being the only Cantonese speaker. My DS (4) learnt English from me when we lived in Denmark and Portuguese from DH. In each case we were the only people around who spoke that particular language and he is now fluent in English and very competant in Portuguese.

julen · 15/10/2004 21:14

Additional question: what do you all do about reading/writing? DD/DS will learn English (DH is english) at school, but what about the other language(s)? (Dutch, in my case) - how does that work re reading, writing etc?

snowmoon · 15/10/2004 21:26

NotQuiteCockney, in terms of everyday usage Cantonese has 6 tones, but some academics insist on 9 tones. Like you said, because Cantonese is tonal, it is much easier to teach someone from young. One of the reasons my boyfriend doesn't speak the language is that he finds the tones really hard and indistinguishable.

Having read the posts here, I will definitely make an effort to expose my DS to Cantonese. I'm doing it now already. Like you said, even though DS has no idea what I'm saying, it's good to let him hear the different sounds and tones.

lailag · 16/10/2004 10:30

When we were a bit older (secondary school age and older, my dad sometimes "apologized" if we spoke in a different language with my mum when we had guests. But never bothered in shops etc.
As regards writing and reading, reading is certainly not a problem as we had plenty of books at home, my writting skills are not so good but still "understandable". Better that way then dh not speaking in his language to dd an ds.
(One of his arguments, a baby (dd)doesn't understand it anyway and ds who is now 3 doesn't understand it either, he prefers English?????)
Sorry to go on about it just soooo p.....d off with dh

pinkmagic1 · 16/10/2004 11:56

My husband is of Arab origin and I am English. He speaks Arabic to my son and I speak English. I understand Arabic fairly well but do not speak it very well but it does not bother me when my husband speaks his language to our son.
We decided before our son was born we would bring him up bi-lingual as it is such a useful life skill.

SHIDA · 21/10/2004 10:19

my daughter us 2 1/2 yrs old - she goes to s private nursery and spks english there all day
i do try and spk to her in punjabi but its so much easier to spk in english as i find that alot
easier i am bilingual as is my husband my daughter understands both languages but chooses to spk in english i do not want her to not be
biligual as i feel it a vital skill she needs as both sets of g/parents dont spk english -
i do try and spk to her in own language as does
her dad but she stills prefers english