How much would you 'supervise' a 4 and 23 month old?

[Mo2]

After a weekend of arguments with "not-dh" (!) about this, thought I'd see what other people's thoughts are...

Here's the topline : DH thinks I am 'overprotective' and 'smothering' our two boys...
I think he can be too blase, and is often irresponsible about their safety...

Some scenarios:
First thing this morning we're out in the garden, I go back upstairs to have a shower and dh says he'll watch the kids in the back garden while he does some gardening. 10 mins later I look out of bedroom window and see ds2 (23months) standing precariously on top of our 5ft high climbing frame - unable to move (DS1 kindly 'helped him up'!) DH is nowhere is sight.
I go downstairs and shout for DH who has started doing something in the garage.
Then he says he will wash the cars with the boys on the front drive. When I look out of the window again - no dh, but both boys are running around the front driveway - DS1 chasing DS2 (so excited and not paying much attention). Now, although we live on a cul de sac, and there isn't much traffic, we have no gate/ fence - our driveway goes straight out onto the road.
DH was right down at the bottom of the back garden (150 yds away?), getting something out of the shed and completely out of sight/ earshot.

I went mad, accused him of being irresponsible, to which his response was that he knew I was in the house, and would 'hear' if anything happened! What? Like if they got knocked down by a car???

Aargh - it makes me sooooo angry.
Or am I just too paranoid?

I don't think you are being over protective or paranoid. My DD is 2y3m and I wouldn't allow her to play unsupervised outside either and would be annoyed with Dh if he did. It only takes a second for things to go wrong.

I don't think you're being over-protactive, the whole scenario sounds VERY familiar!!

Not at all paranoid. My ds and dd are not allowed on the drive or in the back garden unsurpervised. Like you we live on a cul-de-sac. But there's a delivery entrance to a primary school so we often get lorrys buses etc. going imo too fast down the road. Also in the back garden we have a water feature, which is securley covered with chicken wire but if little fingers want to get into it no doubt they'll find away!!!! All in all risks I'm not prepared to take like you. Just explain to dh that yes you were in the house but as far as you were concerned he was supervising your ds's so you weren't listening out as you would of if youd have known he wasn't there iykwim. sometimes they just don't think do they???

Oh it's so nice to know I'm not the only one with a blind/deaf 'D'H. We have 3 boys, aged 4, 23 months and 8 months and similar situations occur so frequently it's not true.

I think it's a bloke thing, most people I know say much the same thing. I've been into the garden to discover DS2 eating a snail, DS3 sitting on the grass crying his eyes out and DS1 with his foot stuck in the hedge trying to do something unspeakable to a frog. DH? Checking the oil in the car.

No Mo2, you're not paranoid. Kids of that age definitely need watching closely, or at least careful listening to, especially outside. I's just that most blokes, much as we love 'em, don't seem to get this (along with so many other things...)

Ok, slightly different viewpoint. I think that in first scenario, I would have let it go, but in second scenario I would have been angry. I think that men just can't forsee what might happen. I try to give my dh specific parameters in situations where there is potential serious injury involved. ie. The children (20 mo. and 3.5) are never to be left unsupervised in the front garden, even for 2 seconds. When the children are in the car, you are not allowed to go over the speed limit, even if there are no other cars on the road and it's a stupid speed limit and you are in a hurry. When it comes to less dangerous potential situations like climbing up 5 ft climbing frames, I try to give more leeway. I think that if I give him too many instructions he will just tune all of them out and not pay attention to even the most important. Don't forget, they are men and need a little extra help sometimes.

mo i would have been angry to they are still very young and to young to be left unsupervised outside for even a minuite imho

Message withdrawn

I'm about the same as Bloss... rear garden okish, 22 month out front unsupervised -- very suspect.

No your are not being over protective atal. My DD is 7.5yrs we live ina cul de sac and i have only just in the last year let her play out the front.

Mo2, I'm with you all the way on this one! We were at a seaside resort not so long ago and I left DH in charge of ds while I went with SIL to get something in a shop (I was all of 10 minutes). We had been in a cafe which adjoined an amusement arcade so ds (4) was itching to go in there, I asked DH to watch him til I got back (not too much to ask is it - 10 minutes!). When i got back, DH was totally engrossed in one of those "try to grab a teddy with a claw" games, DS was nowhere to be seen, even when I was scouring the arcade for him in a panic, DH carried on regardless (and probably spent a fiver to get a quids worth of teddy).