Really not enjoying dd and feeling guilty about it!!!!!

[woodpops]

I have a ds (3 next month) who is fab, plays lovely, really loving, very polite and I also have a dd (not so darling lately) who's 19 months. I'm finding dd such hard work at the mo. She goes really clingy when she's not familiar with someone. Something ds never did. She's mastered the art of tantrums. She grizzles. Nothing holds her attention for more than 2 seconds. I'm just finding her such hard going and feeling really guilty for thinking all this. Is it just a stage 19 month olds go through? I can't remember. She can be OK at times but the majority of the time she is just such hard work!!!!

I found my dd very difficult from around 18 months to about 2.5.

It's the whole terrible 2 stage, where they cant express their feelings properly and when they can the don't understand refusal, or other people's needs/feelings.

It's a very difficult time and I often ended up crying (we still have some days like day but fewer and fewer as she grows up), so I can thoroughly understand how you feel.

I don't think dd remembers anything from the time she was 19 months so don't worry too much about it.
You have all my sympathy!!

All I can add to the wise words here is that there are often times when I don't enjoy being a mum. There are fab bits of course, but there are some horrid times not helped by sheer tiredness and terrible twos! I bet most of us feel like you at times, sometimes ALL the time on some days. It doesn't make us bad parents - just sensitive and thoughtful ones!! take care

Anyone ?????? Or is it just me?

sounds like you need a break? having 2 can be so tiring - swimming through treacle! i think there is a definate gap in the market for guest houses where knackered mummys could go and just sleep for a week and not be disturbed, meals left outside the door and/or lovely films, books, massage meditation etc. my mum said she did this once and went to one down the road as she was too tired to think about going any further. the embarrasment factor would affect me - we are all suppose to just get on with it and cope or have sleep deprivation competitiions with our partners/husbands/other mums: 'i had 4 hours last night' 'you were lucky, i had 2!' etc.

No its not just you.You're right, its a stage. And its horrible. Remember that's why they call it the terrible twos. Dont feel guilty, we've all been there. Sorry, not very profound!!!

Well, I have a three year old who's driving me mad so I just envy you!

woodpops, I'm sure it's a phase. I have days where I can not stand my children any longer. Please don't feel guilty - it's natural. And 19 months is a difficult age - my mum said we were far worse between 18 months and 2, than any other time, because our language skills weren't up to expressing our developing thoughts.

Hang in there - this is what mumsnet is for!!!

Woodpops I have two dd aged 21 months and ds 4. My dd is certainly more demanding than my ds was and I think it helps to remember why. I put it down to the 'double whammy' of being second, so she wants to do everything her big brother does and gets more frustrated , plus she gets less one-to-one attention than ds did at that age and so it's sometimes harder to see the tamntrums coming and distract them. Thirdly, there's just so much going on in a family of four that there is less leeway for negotiation sometimes eg about getting shoes on and out of the door. Having said that I try really hard never to compare them - they are different children and are being brought up in different families too IYKWIM. i'm sure it is just a phase - your parenting has already resulted in one lovely 3 year old so you must be doing something right! Hang in there. HTH

Hi Woodpops,

much sympathy - juggling two is certainly the hardest thing I've ever had to do. On the one hand maybe some time off would do you good. But another idea maybe to see if you can arrange things so that you get to spend more 1-1 time with dd. It might be a completely rubbish suggestion and irrelevant to your circumstances, but sometimes, when you've got all the pressures involved in looking after both and you've got to get the younger one to co-operate so that you can get to activities etc you miss out on their good bits, iyswim. It can be so easy to forget those cute things they do, forget how lovely it can be to sit with them and read/sing/do puzzles without feeling the pressure of the million and one other things you've got to do. If you get some time to see the good bits maybe the bad bits won't seem so bad. Like I said please ignore if this is rubbish, and maybe it's just not practicable, but it's just a thought.

I'd been putting it down to the frustration of trying to comunicate at 19 months. Like someone mentioned it's not easy for them to communicate what they want across. Her speach seems to be coming on by the day at the moment. I think she may also be a little bored with the baby room at nursery and getting ready to move up to toddlers but that's not for another 5 months. I have recently been making an effort to spend 1 on 1 time with her and when we do she's great. Even something as silly as having a bath with her. We make loads of mess splashing about and it's great. She also went to stay with her g'ma and g'dad recently along with her brother. Fil took ds out each day went to soft play areas, brought him toys etc. DD stayed in the caravan with mil for 3 whole days and had nothing brought for her. Do you think she'll remember that and be pissed off about because I know I am. Sorry to go on.

I'm sure she won't remember. She might have enjoyed the attention from mil (?). It's difficult when people treat them differently but there's not much you can do. Maybe all you can do is drop a few hints about how dd is coming along, wanting to join in what ds does, getting better at lots of things and they might get the message for next time.