3 year old struggling

[PrideOfLions]

Hi,

My 3 - soon to be 4 - year old DS, is really challenging right now. He is unbelievably contrary: fights everything we ask him to do (teeth brushing, getting dressed etc), randomly thumps me and his little brother, won't say hello when people visit, knocks over towers others have built, snatches toys etc.

He is at his worst with me, and it is really getting me down. We are struggling to know how to discipline him. I try to be very tuned into his feelings, and as loving as possible, but at the same time I think there have to be some boundaries. At the moment we do quiet time when he has to sit somewhere for X minutes (but usually in the room with us, not on a "naughty step"). However it doesn't seem to be working.

Any suggestions?

He is an introvert (like me) and struggles a bit socially. I am really worried that the way he is behaving is really unappealing, and it will make life so hard for him, but he resists all my efforts to help/correct.

Please tell me things can get better?!

Things will get better. When did the second little one appear? 3.5-4.5 was a low point for us as the sibling jealousy was bad and mostly dd was furious with me. She's been delightful since she was 5 for the most part. Her triggers are always new social situations too or not wanting to go out/go somewhere. Do keep doing the time outs, being calm and he'll learn.

Does he do this at nursery? I'd be more worried if he behaved like this out the home.

No helpful advice but watching as I have one exactly the same myself

Thanks all. His brother is 2, there is only 20 months between them.

He is definitely better at preschool (although still quite "opininated"), and better with other people generally. I work 4 days a week, and they are looked after by a nanny. No recent changes at home but his behaviour is definitely getting worse.

I am worried the situation is being exacerbated by DS2, who is a much sunnier easier going character, and people coo over much more.

the younger one may not have hit the stage where he wants to be in charge all the time yet.

Are you cracking down on him more? I used to find with my dd at this age that the more I told her off, the worse she'd behave and sometimes, it was better to try and reset to positive interaction or we got stuck in what I could call a bad loop.

I don't think discipline ever works that well in any particular instance, especially if they are acting that way as feeling shy, but overtime it does work as they don't like losing toys or getting timeouts.

I'd hang on - you've got your hands full, it'll get easier, if nursery aren't worried, it's just a question of maturing. Hard though it seems - my dd used to tantrum for 2 hours sometimes at this age.