Breastfeeding - Day 21

[WhoIsHolly]

I have breastfed my baby from birth exclusively. So far, I've gotten very little joy from it other than a few compliments about my boy - lovely skin, back to birth weight quickly. We've never had a great latch and although we have gotten the hang of it a bit more, my nipples are taking a long time to heal.

Anyway, other than the first night out of hospital, my son has wanted to be on the boob from 5pm until 5am every night. I've read every thing I could find on cluster feeding but this just seems excessive.

My husband has taken pity on me a few nights and asked me to express a bit and then sent me to bed for a few hours. This was great, however, I fed baby at 10pm until he fell asleep at around 10:40pm. When moved from me to husband, baby had to be walked for an hour to keep him settled. He had 10oz in a bottle but within an hour of finishing that, my husband was upstairs asking me to feed baby as he was inconsolable.

I'm exhausted. I find myself tearing up every night when I'm picking baby up out the Moses basket again because he wants back on my boob again.

My husband thinks formula will give baby a sore tummy and thinks exclusively expressing is the best idea, but he's not got a 12lb, 3 week old baby sucking the life out of his nipple for 18 hours a day.

I'm not sure what I'm after really - suggestions, encouragement or a kick up the arse for being such a saddo.

I think your husband is a bit too involved tbh. It's your choice if you want to top up/continue as you are/pump exclusively (which I don't think will help you, as a pump is not as efficient as a baby at removing milk)

I am in a similar position and DP couldnt have been more supportive on the days I want to stop. I have had a few nights "off" where I have expressed and it has helped my nipples heal really well. Could you try that?

How is baby's weight? Did you really mean 10oz or is that a typo?

Has he been checked for a tongue tie? Although cluster feeding around 2-4 weeks is normal, 18 hours a day isn't normal. Might be worth getting latch checked.

You're doing great but yes I agree if you want to top up with formula then do it. Your boobs, your rules! My baby cluster fed 5pm to 11pm and that nearly killed me. Get your husband to give a bottle of formula to give you a break.

I used a dummy sparingly at first and then by 3 months of age felt more confident to know the difference between my baby needing to feed vs purely comfort sucking. I put baby to breast every 3 hours until then.

I found expressing a bottle for DH to give in the evening allowed me a block of sleep.

It is also totally OK to use formula for DH to do a feed if you're not able to express enough/are in pain/whatever reason. The boobs can cope.

That sounds really tough and your DH should be more supportive. I'd agree that the latch and tongue tie need to be checked, and use formula if you need a break. I found nipple shields gave me long enough to recover from sore nipples.

Baby is over birth weight! Plenty of wet/dirty nappies so pretty sure he's getting enough milk. He was 11lb 5oz at birth though, not sure whether that means anything.

I understand Husbands reservations, I'd be devastated if formula caused baby to be up all night crying in pain.

10oz not a typo. I honestly don't know how he can keep going. He's been on the boob since 5.15pm tonight, at 11pm I warmed a 4oz bottle of expressed and gave him that. Cried for boob as soon as he'd finished and he's stayed in since!

Is there any chance my milk just isn't fatty/filling enough for him or is that not a possibility?

10oz is a huge amount!! Babies especially newborns are designed to feed little and often, and breast milk is so easy for them to digest that they need feeding much more regularly than a formula fed baby. That said 18hours or so a day of feeding seems excessive. I would suggest getting someone to observe a feed and check for tongue tie. Is your HV any good? I highly recommend la leche. They have a 24/7 helpline (so you could even ring now for advice) and their coffee mornings and groups are lovely.

That said if you want to top up with formula then that's absolutely fine. Just be aware if you wish to continue breastfeeding, at this early stage you need to make sure you are still removing milt to stimulate your supply. Not so much of an issue if your husband is giving a bottle so you can get 2/3 hours uninterrupted sleep but if you were to go out for say 12 hours and not express when he would usually nurse this will affect your supply

Not a qualified expert but breast fed 2 babies for a year each. I suggest get the latch checked if you can, and unlatch if baby goes to sleep on you, or is not actively feeding: gently using your little finger to break suction seal between mouth and boob first to unlatch without pain! For comfort sucking, could you try a dummy? My youngest used to suck her thumb for hours, but I wish I had used a dummy as she still sucks thumb as teenager. Will baby suck your or DH's finger instead, or just the knuckle of your finger?
I also suggest DH feeds and pampers you as much as poss rather than the baby, ask DH to do more shopping, washing, cleaning, cooking, etc so you can rest.
Eat calorie rich healthy food and plenty of liquids specially water, and rest as much as possible, to boost your milk supply and recovery. Hopefully if the milk has more calories the baby will get full quicker and stop feeding sooner.
All night sounds exhausting, and you are doing well to keep going, and something is obviously working ok if he is back to birth weight etc.
Well done for sticking with it. I would avoid formula but that is your choice only. Calendula cream is good for sore boobs I think.

I am on day 5 and spent day 2 with baby attached and sucking nipples from 9pm-5am. I spoke to MW the next day and she said this is normal and to stick with it. She did say it should settle after about a week and definitely by the time milk comes in.

I vaguely remember this with DS1 and it getting easier so it was worth sticking with it with DS1 and am trying to do the same with DS2 BUT what I would also say is I also currently have a very unsettled baby and not even breast is helping - it's not just formula that can upset babies' tummies (wondering if my diet has affected him; dairy allergy etc??)

I really hope things settle for you soon x

I think you need real life support OP - cluster feeding is one thing but a baby literally feeding constantly is not the same thing, and it indicates that something isn't quite as it should be. Most things of this nature can be fixed! It just takes the right support.

If your husband wants to be supportive perhaps this is a task you can entrust him with? Seek out a qualified lactation consultant (IBCLC) or La Leche League leader or NCT Breastfeeding Counsellor. It's no use guilt tripping you about formula when that doesn't change anything about the problem that's actually happening. He would do well to read everything on Kellymom.com and/or some good books about breastfeeding too before he tries to offer such unhelpful advice! :) (Gentle chiding really because I get he's excited and anxious about the new baby just as you are - but his job is to support you, too.)

Formula is unlikely to hurt his tummy but I'd still seek support if you're keen to continue BF as it's clear to me something isn't quite right here. I'm afraid that above advice about eating calorific food is unlikely to make any difference - milk production doesn't work like that. Rest assured your milk is excellent quality as milk quality doesn't really vary. Humans are not like dairy cows. The other ideas to try in the post are helpful though especially the one about DH pampering/focusing on making you comfortable!

Agree 10oz is a huge amount for a baby so small especially to be hungry again very soon after. Is he sick a lot? I do think the dummy/comfort sucking suggestion might be worth a try but I'm a bit anxious to suggest it, not knowing what could cause a baby to seem to want so much milk.

For me with my most recent dc, he could literally be on the boob all day during growth spurts, and there was no issue with latch.

I would however, get it checked out. But to me, it does sound normal from my experiences (3 BF babies).

It is very very very hard work. This stage is the hardest. Up until 6-8 weeks, and then it just gets easier. But this bit, this bit is very hard mentally and physically.

Lansinoh is very expensive but it works for cracked and sore nipples.

If your DH and you both want baby BF then he needs to be as supportive as he can be. Giving you rest, helping out with as much as possible so you can keep going.

Congratulations BTW - you're doing really well xxx

Sounds like comfort nursing and I echo previous suggestions to A) break the latch when baby has fallen asleep on the breast and B) introduce a dummy to give your nipples a break.

Do you know how to nurse in the side lying position? Or maybe look into a cosleeper cot like Chicco or SnuzPod? Then you can get rest while nursing at the same time in bed.

Good luck - it's hard work but I promise it gets better. I BF DD for 16 months and around week 2/3 with bleeding sore nipples I declared I was quitting. Got a lactation consultant to help with latch that day and never looked back. Don't be afraid to seek help.

You poor thing.
I almost packed it in when my baby fed from 11pm to 4am on day 7... it was my first real experience of cluster feeding. I can't imagine how you're feeling with feeding that constantly.

I echo others to get in touch with some sort of support. But if you want to introduce formula then it's your choice! Expressing is hard work on top of feeding I bet.

I was the same. I've now been topping up with formula and expressing to give my nipples a break and this is the happiest I've been in my 4 weeks as a mum!! I felt awfully guilty to start but do what's right for you and your baby x

Our son doubled birth weight in first 2 mos. Bf constantly. Now he's 6'4" Co-sleeping helped, gently unlatching after he fell asleep gave some relief, dh changed him and brought him to me at night. Breastpads were the big help for my nipples. I tried a few brands. Soft, absorbing ones made a huge difference. It will get better. Bf ds 12 mos, stopped bc preg with dd. Bf her 18 mos. She refused to wean. Ended up with bottle. I drank many cups of mint tea which seemed to help all of us. Things get easier and you will feel happy that you managed.

My DS is 22 weeks now and it is so so hard in the beginning. We were the opposite and DH wanted me to stop for my own health and sanity as my DS was similar to yours. If you can keep going though (and RL support will be key to this!) it will get so much easier in a few weeks. And then it will carry on getting easier and easier. No sterilising, no faff, no cost and great health benefits for you both. BUT formula is there if you need it, and works perfectly well too.

well done, you are doing a fab job

I can't even imagine how you are expressing 10oz at 3 weeks let alone how the baby is drinking it! I don't mean that horribly I'm just shocked..it's amazing!

I ebf and my DD is 7 weeks and last weighed in at 11.7lbs /5.2kg

Based on the idea they need 200ml per kilo of body weight (I know that's not set in stone) then my DD needs 1000ml a day. Converted into oz that's 35.1oz per day. Say you split that into 8 feeds that's 4.4oz a feed.

I think that's why I'm shocked! My DD cluster feeds like crazy too every week-10 days, the longest being 12 hours so I'm quite confident she gets through well over what she would normally take in a day...but i can't imagine her taking 10oz in one feed.

I think you're doing amazingly well to sustain this but I do think you should speak to HV.

My DD had a tongue tie and not much had improved since it's been cut but at least I know the reason why it takes me 3 hours to feed her each time

One thing we found helped is introducing one formula feed at night. My wife would do a feed at 7/8pm and go straight to bed and I would stay up and give our son a formula bottle at his next feed.

This did wonders for my wife's state of mind, got her some much needed sleep and gave her nipples a rest - and the formula had no adverse affect.

It makes me really angry when people think formula is some sort of poison! OP you are doing really well so far and get advice to keep breastfeeding if that is what you want. I gave up after 4 weeks as I had a baby who would feed for an hour and then take a whole bottle afterwards! I literally couldn't get off the sofa. He had been away from me for 24 hours after birth in HDU so although we tried it was hard to establish a feeding routine, especially as I had to return to hospital for iron drips which took hours. I was so much happier as was baby when we switched to formula completely. Fed is best - doesn't matter how.xx