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Anyone who was completely torn but had number 3...please help!

4 replies

indecisionisakiller · 14/08/2017 15:22

I know it's been done to death but please help, the indecision is consuming me. (By way, have name changed for first time but am a regular). I know this can only be our decision but I just can't make it and need some objective views. We have 2 DSs (6 and 3), both easy going and life is easy. I have wanted a 3rd since I had 2nd (no, nothing to do with a girl, be happy with whoever came along). We kept thinking this feeling might lessen but it really hasn't. Husband was in the 'stick at 2' camp for a long while but after having discussed it at length is fine with having a third if it is what I want as although he'd vote for 2 would be happy with 3 if it means so much to me. I have not put pressure on him. I know the "no" vote should trump the "yes" vote but in reality, that's not always the case when he's happy to have a third. But I am so incredibly torn as to whether it is the right thing to do. I am terrified of making the wrong choice but all I keep coming back to is that regret is often the hardest thing to deal with i.e the regret of not trying for a third. I can step back and logically think that I would be mad to have a third as life is easy now, boys are great, easier to do things etc and as my friend said "why would i" but the feeling has never dissipated at all. If I could take a pill to stop the "want" I think I would. I know people say you never regret more children but I just don't know what to do. It is consuming me, all day and wakes me in the night. It is all I think about (the decision most of all). We are 38 too and I can't decide whether that is too old. Will an extra child adversely affect my sons? We'll have less money and time etc but then I obv know it will enrich their lives too.

What do we do? What should be "the decider"....the indecision is just awful. CAn smeone help me sort my head out?

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Mayhemmumma · 14/08/2017 15:26

I felt very similar, agonised. Although my DH was very keen for 3rd I was less sure.

After really over agonising we went for it! But it didn't happen. Over a year later I'm not pregnant. So don't assume it'll be necessarily happen. If that thought worries you- go for it!

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 14/08/2017 15:28

There is no easy answer. I have three who are now late teens. I was desperate for three, DH wanted to stick at 2. I wore him down and persuaded him.

Early years were easy. Really quite a doddle. I loved having three of a similar age, loved the chaos.

But once they were older, it would have been much much easier and cheaper to stick at two. I was 36 when I had DS3, and in my early 50's now, feeling quite worn out with parenting. And they are really great lads, no trouble at all apart from normal teen problems and angst.

Everyone is different, and there is no right or wrong.

junebirthdaygirl · 14/08/2017 15:33

We were like that . Very happy with first 2. Settled in a nice routine. But we couldnt let the feeling go completely. I get so sick in pregnancy so that was holding us back too. We went for it. While l was sick l wondered was l mad. But our ds3 is 21 now. I couldnt explain what he has meant to my life. My first 2 are brilliant but this guy is very like me and we get on brilliantly. Never ever looked back since we finally decided.
When others were gone to university he was here full of action and brightening up the house.

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indecisionisakiller · 14/08/2017 15:51

I guess I have 2 issues, having a 3rd at all and my age. So do you think 38 (literally this weekend) is sensible to have a 3rd? Not really risky? And ThroughThickandThin01 - do you think you'd have felt as tired with 2 and that the third made any difference?
Mayhemumma - if I tried and it didn't happen, I would be happy i had tried at least....?

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