Almost 3 and hysterical about changing nappy!

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It's getting ridiculous. The battles. He is a placid and pleasant child except this which causes him such distress! He becomes hysterical! He screams and loses his temper and goes nuts and throws the nappies away and says "No nappy! I go away! I put nappy away!"

He is getting very difficult about changing clothes and anything to do with his Willy which he is getting very guarded and defensive about. He only goes in the bath if he can stand up in it wearing his nappy.

He have been as kind as we can but right now he has a poo in his nappy and we're going to have to spend 20 minutes basically begging him to change it!!!!!

I think your nursery are being unhelpful. Our nursery was totally on board when I explained that he would be out of nursery for a week whilst I potty trained him and then he would be commando for a few weeks until I felt he was ready for pants. I cant imagine why a nursery would not have a potty! Maybe take one in and say that you would like him to use it whilst he is there?

On the total meltdown - our DS has total meltdowns and they get worse as he gets older! Could you speak to your health visitor about this?

This is actually the only thing he has these meltdowns over. (And I know some people object to using that word for a neurotypical child bit honestly it's the only description as he loses his mind, it's not just a tantrum)

He is a lovely child the rest of the time which makes it so marked how distressing this must be, to cause such an extreme reaction.

I think I'm going to buy a potty regardless today. He could well totally reject it and it's a complete waste of money but patiently waiting it out doesn't seem to be working. I first posted on the 14th and it's the 22nd now!

Does he respond to bribery? We used to give dd a chocolate button whenever she sat on the potty. We changed the goalposts to a button for a wee, then for a poo, then one at bedtime if she did all of her wees and poos on the potty....

There are now potty training apps for tablets and smart phones which children can watch. Have never tried as my guys are older now but might be worth investigating those?

At almost three put pants on him. Tell him wee and poo goes in the potty or toilet if you prefer. Ignore accidents and clean up no fuss. Praise success. It shouldn't take long if you are consistent. Ignore any tantrums/meltdowns/demands.

We have tried bribery. Occasionally works, often doesn't. Didn't this morning.

I have an app on my phone I've had for weeks, Mr Poo Goes to Pooland (my phone insists hes going to Poland)

We have the book Everybody Poos which he really likes.

He's seen both me and DH poo numerous times.

Nursery prefer training pants. Don't blame them tbh. When he does a poo it's a big one and the mess would be horrendous. He basically does adult sized poos. They'd have to shower him down.

As a couple of previous posters have said, just go straight for pants.

I did this with both my boys - took a week's holiday from work & did it.
Big fuss about 'big boy pants' & had a step & toilet seat insert & said 'no more nappies for the big boy'.

It was about 2 or 3 days of cleaning up accidents with no fuss made at all, and a huge (literal) celebratory song & dance whenever the toilet was used, with chocolate buttons for every success.
'Night-time pants' were pull-ups so no nappies, or mention of nappies at all.

By the end of the week they were sorted.

This sounds really rubbish OP. I think you need to simplify it like a pp said. Put him in pants, refer to pull ups (for night time only) as night time pants and try your best to be casual and calm about any accidents. Easier said than done I know. But have your faux calm exterior on at all times. If he sees no reaction from you when he has an accident then he will be less inclined to throw a wobbly. Happy smiley loveliness when he goes on the loo/potty. Good luck.

Have you considered having him off nursery for a week while you break the back of it? Could you take a week off so it has your full attention and won't get confused by nursery?

I bought mine pants that they chose in the shop. (They were the best pants in the world! Lol)

Like everyone else says use all positive talk, no disappointment necessary.

Loads of praise when the potty or loo is used.

My potty was hardly used outside of the garden as mine preferred a training seat on the loo and a step to help them up.

I think I'm going to have to consider pants. I actually have a pack, a Blaze pack I got in Primark ages ago for the future cos he was obsessed with Blaze (his love has now been transferred to Fireman Sam but hey ho)

Really have to chat with nursery first though. They are a bit funny. For example they have advised us not to send him in with trousers with a top button as it takes too much time is too much of a faff for them to unbutton ONE button when encouraging him to sit on the toilet.

A toilet can be a bit scary for a little one. I'd use a potty instead. And bribery works! To begin with, whenever mine sat on the potty they got a mini smartie. After a while, they got smartie whenever they did a wee on it. A new hot wheels car for a poo!

I think non button trousers are sensible tbh, just joggers or elastic waists.

It's not about faff it's about speed!

Hugs. I just wanted to say we are going through the exact same thing with our 2.9 month old boy and I don't think it's as simple as just requiring instant potty training. It depends a bit on your approach to potty training. Whether you want it to be entirely parent-led, i.e.. forcing the situation, or whether you want to wait until he is ready. Hatred of nappies, I know from our experience, is not the same as him wanting to switch to the potty/toilet instead, even though we have been familiarising him with the potty for a while, let him choose it (which he was excited about it), watching Pirate Pete potty training videos, reading books about it etc. I think there just can be a tricky phase of transition that might go on for a little while. Hopefully our boys will progress soon to being a bit more ready for using the potty. Basically we're dealing with mixed feelings about nappies/potty which equates to mixed feelings about dependence/independence. I have a psychology background, and personally think it's fine to just tolerate these mixed feelings and wait for the child to feel a bit less anxious about using the potty. Boys are often slower to be ready for potty training. Ours was also a complete nightmare for a while about us getting him dressed (but couldn't manage to do it himself, or would get too frustrated when trying), but suddenly this has moved on to him wanting to dress himself, and I can see that all that was about a very similar set of issues as nappy/potty and it has moved on now he is feeling more capable of dressing himself.

Definitely a potty. He's probably scared of falling down the loo bless him

Yes! Such mixed feelings! He doesn't know what he wants and his head is going on the fritz poor wee thing. He's only a baba yet, and it rips our hearts out when he becomes so upset.

And the fear of fucking it up is strong. I don't know if I said already but I know someone who's 3.5 yr old boy has such terror of pooing he's developed impaction and an agonising anal fissure. Really want to stop all trauma. But when poo is exploding out of the nappy it has to be changed!

Will speak to DH about pants later. I suspect he'll respond that we're rushing DS and didn't we say we'd take it at his own pace?

DD2 had a fear of potty training on the toilet - she was scared she was going to "fall in" and get flushed away. We let her choose a potty and she preferred a potty chair.
www.mothercare.com/potties/potty-chair/LKA540.html?dwvar_LKA540_color=Grey&cgid=babycare_potties#start=4

DH has just come home and made a very good point about a potty. We have a 1 yr old who is cruising/about to walk who would have the potty tipped over in 5 seconds flat. And would give him no peace on it, but would try to clamber on top of him whilst he was using it. Never thought of it, but he's got a point. Trying to allow DS to do it in private would be challenging. There's no room in the downstairs loo for potty action (under the stairs), and that's not normally a problem..... except when you have a one year old who needs to stick their nose in everything.

DH suggested a nappy free bare arsed weekend this weekend. Or at least waiting half an hour after each nappy change to put one back in and mopping up accidents? Has anyone tried that with any success?

Bare bum worked great for me both times. I've always gone for an all or nothing approach though. Once nappies are gone they're gone. Anything else I feel just prolongs the process and confuses them.

But he's scared to use the toilet. Bare arsed won't stop him being scared. It will make him more scared. And he doesn't want you to see his willy (although I'm not sure why that is...that concerns me more ghan anything tbh), so bare arsed would be horrible for him.
Just give him a potty! The baby won't tip it over when he's sitting on it and presumably you won't be leaving it sitting in the middle of the floor with wee and poo in it for long enough for the baby to get her hands in it...and if she does, you just clean it up, like every other mess.
Tbh, you've had lots of good advice here that you've not taken. I wonder if you yourself have some anxieties over this which are being passed on to your son (especially after you told us about your friends child's difficulties).
Think of it this way...you don't see regular, NT adults using potties or nappies...We all get over that common fear of the toilet sooner or later!

Big boy pants and a potty...be prepared for cleaning up mess. It's the only way!

Big boy pants and a potty...be prepared for cleaning up mess. It's the only way!

I agree, also agree there's lots of anxiety from your posts. You're over thinking this way too much.

I trained ds over 6 months very slowly and relaxed using pull ups and pants just at home and toilet on getting up, mid morning, lunch and dinner. We also "went to find to the loo" when we were out and about.

Lots of praise and a Smartie for sitting on the loo- didn't matter of he did anything or not.

Oh shite well then I may have messed up as hes bare arsed right now!

Just do what works. If bare bum works that's fine. If you think pants works better then do that. But I think no matter what you should not confuse and switch between nappies and pants. He's going to be scared if you keep feeding his fear by going back to nappies.

Pop the 1yo in their cot for 10 minutes so he has some time on the potty. Sorted