I just want to leave

[Misty9]

I've had the dc, 3 and nearly 6, since Friday as dh was away. It's fair enough, I had a weekend to myself recently (at rock bottom) and we both work and parent equally. But it's been awful. They've both played up and I've spent most of the time shouting and raging when they don't listen.

I'm so ashamed of my behaviour and truly think they'd be better off if I wasn't in the house as much. I feel like leaving and even saw a rented property nearby that would work. Things with dh aren't great and he's perfect dad in comparison to me.

I've worked so hard and so long for my career and family and it feels like one is in no man's land and I suck at the other. I get so angry and I'm sick of feeling this way. I can't cope with the noise of two small children being silly and I just explode. Dh came home and I've spent the day in bed. Ds regularly tells me he hates me and I'm a horrible mummy. I am

I just want to run away.

OP I've just seen this , I came on to write something similar so you're not alone. I think we all have awful days and it's just a case of moving on to the next without dwelling too much. One of the things I always forget is that children don't hold the bad days against us, they don't remember their behaviour that pushed us to the edge. But they do remember the hugs at the end of the day and the times you were there when they needed you.

We all lose our shit from time to time, I've totally wasted a rare day off today and let my 5 year old play with the iPad for most of it. All I wanted to do today was get out for a walk and we couldn't even manage that. My 2 year old has been screaming non stop at me all day and I'm so worn down. DH came home and decided to preach about what I 'should' be doing and is now playing Mr Perfect so I've shut myself in our bedroom and left bath time and bed time to him. He's passive aggressive at the best of times and currently telling the kids they're not allowed in our room.

I feel like a failure, I'm back at work tomorrow and I know the boys will have a better day without me. I doubt this is helping much but please don't move out, for all the times you think you're failing you're actually winning in the eyes of your children. And if your DS really felt like that then he wouldn't say it, he's secure in your love for him so he knows he can get away with it.

I hope you've had a better day today .