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Original poster

DD (9) wants sex?!?

20 replies

auntiflo · 29/03/2007 14:30

Shoot me down - but I've just read DD's (in year 4) secret journal.

In it she states who she fancies because he's sexy, he's a boy in her class. She writes that one of her wishes is to look sexy so that this boy fancies her sooo much he wants to have sex with her.

She has told me she 'fancies' him and I know she sent him an annonymous card a few days ago, with clues as to who it was from etc.

How normal is this (very I guess) do I say anything? Talk aboout sexual relationships and age etc or what???

OP posts:
sandyballs · 29/03/2007 14:37

My first reaction when I read this was horror. 9 years old sounds so little, but then I remember a diary of mine when I was 10, which I still have, and in it I have written "Would love to have it off with darling Gary" . I expect her knowledge of sex is very scarce and its something she's heard about and knows that grown ups do it so she's trying to emulate that. A little chat with her would be good.

WotzsanEgg · 29/03/2007 14:40

secret journal....how are you going to approach it having read her secret journal? Im sure they are getting sex and kiss mixed up. I would have a nice little chat over easter and take your time, only explain what you feel she is comfortable with. Schools cover personal develoment in year 5 and the school may have mentioned something to them to prepare. Don't be too shocked.

Bilby · 29/03/2007 15:48

My DD came home saying her best friend wanted to have sex with a boy. I freaked but it was just kissing. But if your DD does mean sex maybe watch a video that has kissing in it and start the conversation that way? Sex, kissing, boyfriends etc Maybe she'll open up.

coppertop · 29/03/2007 15:57

Why did you read it? Were you already worried about something?

oxocube · 29/03/2007 15:59

my dd is 9 and knows what sex is. Her good friend is 8 and thinks that sex is kissing and cuddling - maybe that's what your dd means flo

sweetheart · 29/03/2007 16:01

I wrote something in a diary when i was around this age and my mum read it and spoke to me about it. What had happened was I had watched a DVD with some friends, including a boy I liked, and we had held hands. i was absolutly motified when my mum asked me about it. And more than a little pissed off that my mum had read my diary! I was so upset about it thats it's one of the things I remeber very clearly about my child hood.

I'd tread very carefully if I were you as, like other posters have said, she probably doesn't really know what it all means!

Wallace · 29/03/2007 16:05

My sister wrote "I wanna have sex" in her diary when she was the same age. My brother and I (being 14 and 16) read it and teased her mercilessly

Original poster
auntiflo · 29/03/2007 17:07

Thanks folks. I read it through utter boredom and curiosity, she'd left it on the dinigroom table. Had no idea how secrets things could be... Will not admit to reading it to her, will NOT do it again (I hope)
Will try to have a casual chat about all things grown up at some point in hols!!
Thanks for your responses, particularly your memory swwetheart.

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NannyL · 29/03/2007 18:35

I would suggest that maybe she doesnt know the true meaning of the word, and maybe doesnt actually want to have full penetrative sex that we may think of!

Original poster
auntiflo · 29/03/2007 21:56

NannyL, I hope not!
Just that word 'penetrate' should not be used in the same sentence that my daughter features in!!

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Original poster
auntiflo · 29/03/2007 21:57

for at least another 7+ years...

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NotQuiteCockney · 29/03/2007 21:59

To be fair, she didn't say she wanted to have sex with this boy. She said she wanted him to fancy her so much he wants to have sex with her. Which is a slightly different thing - she wants to be sexy, not have sex.

fluffyanimal · 30/03/2007 11:30

Sorry - had to take you up on reading her diary. Do NOT let her find out you read it, and do NOT do it again. I had a book of fantasy romance stories that I wrote when I was young: me kissing Harrison Ford etc . I showed the first one to my mum because I was still at the age when I didn't want to have secrets from her. She then went behind my back and showed it to my older brother and sister, who teased me about it in front of the whole family at Christmas. It is the one bad thing that my mum did during my childhood that I still remember and cannot forgive, worse than the worst telling off she ever gave me. Needless to say I've kept thousands of secrets from her since.

Original poster
auntiflo · 30/03/2007 12:40

Flffyanimal - I hear you loud and clear, you are so right. I will let her have her privacy.
NQC - I like your take on it, you're right too!

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Original poster
auntiflo · 11/04/2007 08:57

An update; I've just discovered that she got changed after swimming in a family changingroom with a friend and two boys (one was the boy she wrote about) whilst on an adult free trip - they go to a swimming disco once a week.
I've not spoken to her but feel I need to say something about this flirty behaviour before she gets a name for herself. At 9!!!
What would you say?
TIA

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DimpledThighs · 11/04/2007 09:02

I think (and I hope) that there really is not much to this. I think that she is still innocent in lots of ways and purley that she left the diary on the table where she knew you could read it rather than guarding in secretly means that she is not really planning on going out and having sex. I also think the changing room thing is curiosity but if it was anything more it would be a lot more secreative.

I would ot mention the diary or anything about the swimming pool but talk to her about privacy and that some things are not appropiate and that you are telling her this because she is getting more grown up.

DimpledThighs · 11/04/2007 09:02

also follow up this changing room think - not that I think there is something to worry about but it is something that should not be happening and neds to be taken into account in a risk assessment by the swimming pool staff.

Original poster
auntiflo · 11/04/2007 09:05

Thank you DT, yes I think your approach sounds sensible, I certainly wont mention the diary and was informed about the changing incident by other girls mother who'd been sworn not to tell me by daughter! So that too is classified evidence!
What do I say?! I'm nervous, my mother always got this sort of thing wrong by being so over the top and too open for my liking!

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Original poster
auntiflo · 11/04/2007 09:06

Good point re staff supervision, I'll inform them.

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DimpledThighs · 11/04/2007 09:12

Off the top of my head I would say something like...

"Hey x - need to talk to you a minute. You are getting to do lots of things by yourself now because you are getting older and I know you are sensible and I trust you when you go out with (friend) to things. It is just as you get older you need to know that there are some things you need to be private about - like what you wear and what you let people see and stuff. Just remember that some things are private and even if people say they are not they are and if anyone asks you to do anything you don't want to do you must always say no. Also try and stick together with (Friend) when you are out. Is that okay?"

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