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Parenting

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Original poster

Is he rude or just a child?!

20 replies

FloBoy · 09/08/2017 19:40

Hi, I'm new to this but in desperate need of some help. Will try to keep this short.....
I am a single mum of a 12 year old boy (13 in September). His dad is not interested and never has been. I have had a boyfriend for 4 years, the first one since I had my son, and I love him deeply, and he loves me, however the same thing keeps coming up...my son. He says he is rude, has no personality, is not interested and he gets nothing back from him. I say he is just a child who hasn't fully developed his personality yet. I'll admit, he would never ask many questions from my other half, how's work, or how his parents are etc. But would any 12 year old? Maybe I'm wrong, maybe he should be doing that. Everything is always fine until his parents get involved and dig at him about how he is wasting his time on a child that gives nothing back. They came at the weekend (first time in 2years) and because my son didn't interact too much it's all kicked off. He stayed down in the sitting room, but when asked how's school his answer was boring and he didn't ask them how things were on holiday...he doesn't know them that well!
My boyfriend says I've been a lazy parent...I work full time and moved away from family to make a better life for us. Yes, he does play a lot on the Xbox, but he's not a delinquent. He's no angel, but could be a whole lot worse!
So am I being naive, do I need to act now to make sure my son turns out better, or are they expecting too much from a 12 year old?
For now, we have split up (his parents doing I'm sure, but we have a holiday booked for October). Do I wait till he see's sense or is he right?
Thanks if you've made it this far!!x

OP posts:

rascallyrascal · 09/08/2017 19:43

They are being horrible to your poor boy! He is 12! He sounds perfectly normal to me! Glad you are sticking up for him. 12 is a difficult time. Your ex sounds like a jerk. Lazy parent? You work full time and show me a 12 year old who doesn't like computer games!

Penhacked · 09/08/2017 19:46

I think saying that your child, the centre of your universe, has no personality is not only rude but callous and it would put me right off. I think some 12 year olds would be up to chit chat, but definitely not all. He just sounds like a judgemental twat honestly. Maybe he has redeeming qualities but I don't see them in your post.

DaisysStew · 09/08/2017 19:48

He said your son has no personality?! Why, because he doesn't fawn all over him? Does your ex show an interest in your son, has he tried to build a relationship with him? To be honest if I was your son I wouldn't have much to say to people who had such a low opinion of me.

He's gone, please make sure he stays gone for your sons sake.

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corythatwas · 09/08/2017 19:49

I am spending the summer with my nephews, all of them older than your ds. Absolutely delightful lads and a credit to their respective families. But I would never expect any of them except the 19yo to ask polite questions about my work. That is treating you more or less as an equal; it's not what young people do.

hellomarshmallow · 09/08/2017 19:52

How can you love him deeply if he says such horrible things about your child? He sounds mean and clueless about kids. His parents sound horrible too.

userofthiswebsite · 09/08/2017 19:54

I think he's being harsh.

Creatureofthenight · 09/08/2017 19:57

FFS, what 12 yo boy is good at making polite small talk? BF is an idiot.

Naughty1205 · 09/08/2017 19:58

Sorry but he is being insulting and horrible to your son. If someone said those things about my ds or dd I'd seriously have to reconsider having a relationship with them. Your ds sounds like a normal 12 year old boy. Please continue to put him first.

talonofthehawk · 09/08/2017 19:58

Stop choosing this BULLY of a man over your poor child!
How could you allow them to talk about/treat your child like that?

Original poster

FloBoy · 09/08/2017 19:59

Thanks for the responses, I understand it sounds like he's a monster to my son and how could I love him, but just wanted to say, my son is very unaware of this (he is with the parents). My son and OH have a good relationship at times, yes, it is mostly instigated my OH (the adult!) but my son adores him and my OH says he just wants what's best for him.

OP posts:

fairgame84 · 09/08/2017 20:00

He sounds like a normal 12 year old boy.

talonofthehawk · 09/08/2017 20:00

So your DP actively disliking your child is fine because he doesn't express it to your child's face is okay?
Pathetic.

Original poster

FloBoy · 09/08/2017 20:02

I'm just glad to hear I haven't failed (hopefully) and he is just like most 12 year old boys. I think I just needed that reassurance from other parents, rather than friends or family telling me what they think I want to hear if that makes sense?!

OP posts:

Original poster

FloBoy · 09/08/2017 20:03

Maybe I am pathetic... thanks for your response.

OP posts:

Neverknowing · 09/08/2017 20:04

You sound like you have a bit of low self esteem here op. You shouldn't be with someone who says this about your child. You deserve so much better.
Please think hard, he's a dick in other ways too right? There's no way he's normal.

SamanthaBrique · 09/08/2017 20:05

Ditch the boyfriend FFS. Why do some women put a man's needs over their child's welfare?

talonofthehawk · 09/08/2017 20:06

He is a perfectly normal 12 year old. What is not normal, however, is your DP (and his family's) attitude towards him- and your acceptance with it.
You are looking for reassurance about your son as opposed to dealing with your dps disdain towards him.

knobblykneesandturnedouttoes · 09/08/2017 20:12

Sounds just like my 12 year old. He does polite small talk quite well with people he knows if you catch him on a good day but it would be about tv, films, computer games. He really wouldn't usually think to ask about anything specific to that person unless perhaps it was someone very close and he had been looking forward to seeing them, in which case he may ask how their dog is or something.

With people he doesn't know, it's always the adult leading the conversation. This is completely normal.

Coffeethrowtrampbitch · 09/08/2017 20:13

Your ds sounds like a normal 12 year old, they don't ask questions to be polite, because that is a skill you learn in adulthood.

Your ex and his parents sound utterly clueless, do they not know any children or are they so socially awkward they require a child to instigate and maintain a conversation by asking about their lives?

I think you've made the right decision to split, it is unacceptable for him to say your son lacks personality (because he doesn't ask ME about my day, waaaah!), or to call you a lazy parent. He can't be bothered to carry the conversation when talking to a child, and you're lazy? Yeah, right.

I understand you must feel so hurt, but this is best for you and your son. Anyone who thinks you aren't a good parent isn't someone you should be with. You've done everything for your child, moved house, worked FT, and raised a good boy whose only crime is wanting to play a console a lot, just like every other kid his age.
I think you've definitely done the right thing for both of you.

Original poster

FloBoy · 09/08/2017 20:15

I suppose I'm looking for both. I will and have always stood up for my son, but I was unsure if I had rose tinted glasses when I looked at him and maybe did believe I've been a bit lazy with certain things. I would and do do anything for my son and probably don't get him to do enough about the house. So, when these things are being said, sometimes you believe them, and sometimes guilt sets in.
My life revolves around my son and that's the bit I am being told has been wrong.
I can't answer why I put up with it, maybe I don't have to anymore.
Thanks for the responses.

OP posts:

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