Feel like a failure but I need some space!

[Cloud9889]

I work 2 days a week and am responsible for most of the house etc around that. I have too boys who are under 4 and I just find them such hard work. They don't really play together and just seem to annoy each other. They are constantly demanding. I miss alone time alot. The opportunity is coming up when my youngest is 2 for me to slightly increase my hours at work. I will work part of one day but was thinking of putting the youngest in nursery for the whole of that day not just the part I am working. I feel like a failure for doing this but I'm really struggling with my boys. I don't have a brilliant relationship with the family I have and don't want to ask them to help. I know others that do put their kids in nursery when not at work. Do others do this I just feel like I'm not a capable mum that I'm not enjoying the 'job' of mothering that much and really want a break for a few hours !!! Just finding it all too much at times. I love my kids to bits but I've never been much of a kid person - hope that makes sense!

I did. My son was very clingy and extremely demanding. I had no other forms of childcare help. My family live too far away and wouldn't help anyway. All my in-laws work full time. DH works very long adhoc hours.

For the sake of my sanity I put my DS into nursery for 2 afternoons a week when he was 2.5 yrs old. And I wasn't even working. I just desperately needed a bit of space.

It did us both the world of good. His clinginess improved hugely, and 2 afternoons of peace really helped me get some headspace to be a better parent.

You're not a failure. We ALL need me time

I feel no guilt whatsoever about wanting and having childfree time.

Are you not entitled to the free hours childcare for them both?

I'm currently on Maternity Leave and still send DS to childcare three days a week.

When I was at work I would at least once a month send DS to childcare on a day that I didn't have to work just so I could have a day to myself.

You have absolutely NO reason to feeling guilty about wanting a break, absolutely none. Being a mom is hard work and we all deserve some time out from doing it. If having "me time" means the mom isn't capable then a huge percentage of us must be failing in our duties (including me)

Do not feel guilty.
Give yourself the break. I put my second son in day care when he was 18 months old for one day a week as I hadn't been alone for a single day in over 4 and half years , other than when I was in hospital for an operation.
The first few weeks I come home from dropping him off and passed out on the bed.
I also had no maternal instinct till I had my two, and even then found parts of the whole thing incredibly boring. The day off helped.

I feel like a failure at time and sometime get frustrated any advice

I'm on mat leave with DD2 and have kept DD1 in nursery 5 days a week . Don't feel guilty - easier said than done, I do too!

Being a good parent takes an awful lot of patience and energy and I feel like I'm a better mother for not having to look after both 24/7 - we have no family nearby to help. When DD1 finishes nursery I have more time and energy for her than I would if she were at home all day. I can also get the housekeeping done more quickly than if she were here - I generally run all my errands, do the shopping, cooking, cleaning etc whilst she's in nursery so I can concentrate on her when she comes home.

I still worry that the nursery staff judge me for the fact that I'm at home but using childcare! But I figure they're trained to do what they do for a reason and DD1 loves going!

I send my 2 yr old DS to nursery 2 mornings a week and I'm a sahm. DC2 due soon so that was the main motivation, but I feel zero guilt! He loves it and I love the time to myself.

Lots of people get family help with childcare. If it helps with the guilt, then use that time to do chores that are difficult with your toddler and boring for them. Frees up more family time together. Or just feel no guilt and do whatever you want as it's totally normal

I work full time and don't feel guilty until I read threads like this and think 'shit, should I be feeling guilty????' So I feel guilty about not feeling guilty!

We can't win.

Do what feels right for you. Surely a happier parent is a better parent?

Anecdotally a lot of parents are better for having some me-time.

I'm a SAHM with a 2 year old and a 3.8 year old. I like to think I'm a very capable mum and I really enjoy the 'job' of mothering. I still need a bloody break! My ds went to pre school 2 mornings a week at two (dd was 6 mobths) and dd will do the same starting in September when I will have 6 whole hours a week without a child, for the first time in almost 4 years! If I go too long without some real time to myself I start to go a bit nuts. Earlier in the year I started to get quite down, unusually tetchy, more short tempered and less patient than normal and when I thiught about it I realised I had gone 3 months without any time during the day away from the dc (I go out in the evenings quite a bit but they're asleep). I took myself off for a full day away and felt like a different person when I got home.