Grandparents abroad - how often do you see them?

[SeriyaDL]

So I've had an interesting conversation with my mum tonight. For background, mum lives in Germany, I have been in the UK ever since I left home and been here now 20+ years.

Over all those years, I've always been home for a week or so every year and taken DD with. DD (now 10) usually then stays on for a fortnight after I've gone back home, and mum then drops her back to the UK and stays for anywhere up to a week.

This arrangement has worked well ( or so I thought) for quite a few years but today I'm finding that my mum is very envious of grandparents who live near their families and very much resents the fact I moved away.

she speaks in glowing tones of acquaintances of hers whose kids and grandkids are also abroad but who go to see them at least a month at a time.

Truth be told I'm not sue me (or husband!) could cope but that's by the by..

.I'm just curious how much time others in a similar set up get to see the grandparents and also how this has affected the relationship with the grandchildren? (The ties between my mum and DD are, sadly, pretty weak).

I should also probably mention I'm an only child and she was widowed 2 years ago so she is a bit short on family nearby, apart from her brother.

Hi OP - same countries as you. 4 times a year with child for 3-6 days. Twice us. Twice them travelling. A month is too long for us. I've usually lost patience after a week.

Same here, similar time scales, been here for 30 years, kids primary and secondary age. My parents in Germany and DH parents in Scotland. We see either set once or twice a year, if we go there it's for about a week, if they come here it will be similar, occasionally my parents 'pass through' in a weekend on their way to other friends/events in UK they attend.
We're not phoning much, and even email is sporadic these days. My sister lives in Munich, similar distance from my parents and they also don't see them more often than that.

We're in the UK with DD (4) and DS (newborn). Only child with American parents. Reading through other responses has confirmed what I've often suspected: we see my parents LOADS! we fly there once in summer and every other Christmas. They come here alternate Christmas, for DD's birthday and my Mum often comes over once more on her own if she finds a cheap deal.

We're massively lucky - parents live in a low COL area with good pensions, so pay for one round of flights per year. We'd never afford so many trips otherwise despite decent incomes. Shudder to think about future flight costs for 4!

Also we FaceTime nearly every day, even if only so DD can say good night to grandparents. They are really close as a result of all this effort, which is awesome, though it does mean we rarely have a solo family holiday....

Could you try long weekends in Germany? Also, FaceTime/Skype can really make the distance seem shorter and also makes my parents seem more a part of our everyday lives (which helps them feel less resentful of friends with closer families - I hear you on that guilt front!).

My grandparents lived in a different coutry. I saw them once every two years. I adored them and we had a close relationship. But I seriously missed them, it used to really hurt to say goodbye to them knowing that I wouldn't see them for another two years. They used to cry too.

Similar situation to you OP, we visit 3-4 times a year (now always in the school holidays) usually for a week, sometimes 2 over Xmas and NYE. We alternate Christmases in Germany and at my British in-laws. My parents also come to visit us about 4 times a year for around a week, so we usually see them roughly every 8-10 weeks. My DDs both love their Oma & Opa and have a very close relationship with them. They'd still like to see them more often, and are a bit envious of friends who have their grandkids over every week, but it is what it is and we try to make the best of it.

My parents see my dc on average twice a year. They visit us for 2 weeks and we go there for 2 weeks. My dad passed away this year and my mum is lonely so will visit for longer in future. My mum has 7 grandchildren so gets plenty of visits and goes visiting a lot too.

I live in the UK and my mum lives in the U.S. She sees her for about a week 3-4 times a year. She is retired and has the financial means to travel. If not for that, there is no way we could afford to see her more than about once every 2 years (if we were lucky - flights are usually at least £1000 each, for a family of 3 soon to be 4, that's a lot). To be honest, she sees her more than my husband's family does and they only live 1.5 hours drive away (currently, we're estranged from them for good reason, but before that happened, their time with our daughter was less than my mum). I'm also an only child so my children will be the only grandchildren my mum ever has.

To be honest, if they are only in Germany I would try to visit more. You can get such cheap flights there and it's only a couple hours. I would gladly visit mine more if I could, but the cost and flight time (it's about 11 hours) is prohibitive. Or would she fly to visit you more, even if one of you flew over to accompany her?

In our case though, I would say my daughter is closer to my mum than she was to MIL, even though MIL is nearby. This is less the case now as we are estranged and MIL hasn't seen our daughter in nearly a year. But even before this, my mum was definitely the grandparent she had the closer relationship with because my mum made the effort. Even though they don't see each other, she calls and talks to dd and is just much more involved in her life. They don't have to see each other to have that kind of relationship, just like I don't have to see her to be close. But I do think the quality of the overall family relationship has something to do with it. If your mum and husband don't get on, that could have a lot to do with it. My MIL is not a warm person (and there are bigger issues than that) and just never got herself very engaged with our family life, whereas my mum is just much more friendly and open and involved, even when she doesn't physically visit often. I think that makes a big difference. In your case, maybe it sounds like no one has made a huge effort and the ties could be improved with a little more work.