18 month old will not eat any meal I prepare myself

[Summerdays2014]

Breakfast is fine - porridge or weetabix and fruit.
Lunch and dinner however have become a battlefield over the last few weeks. He won't eat anything I cook. Beans on toast or cheese on toast or sausages is it. Happy to eat snacks eg breadsticks with cream cheese or hummus etc. This week I've done all his old favourites and tried new things. It's got to the point where he won't even eat potato or any of the veg or meat he used to eat. I tried being strict last week, giving one choice and nothing else. Stuck at it for 4 days but then stopped as I couldn't stand the constant screaming and he still wasn't eating.

He goes to nursery once a week and eats anything there apparently... at home he will eat loads of what he wants - breadsticks, toast, youghurt, fruit etc but in reluctant to give these now as snacks in case he's just filling up on them.
The only other things he will eat are Ella's kitchen pouches. One day in desperation I gave him one of those and he ate the whole lot. So that's what I give him when I'm desperate.
Not sure where to go from here?

Thanks.

He isn't a baby so why are you giving him baby food?

Have you tried sitting him on your lap when you're eating your meal with 'his' plate beside yours... I know my 18mo used to like pinching bits off my plate!

mrscropley, he's 18mo - what should she be offering? Rare fillet and a bearnaise sauce on the side? 🙄

OP, it's totally normal and very frustrating.. it really is just a phase. Keep on offering regular food and keep a few pouches in reserve. My ds at 22mo still does this occasionally. Although he's not massively food motivated at all so sometimes he's just not interested. Does he still have milk at all?

If he's eating everything at nursery and there are no sensory issues then he's playing you, OP. Not deliberately, not maliciously; it's not conscious manipulation but he's exerting what control he can.

Make dinner, give him 20 mins to eat. Then take it away. 10 mins for pudding if you give it. That's it

He's eating at other meals so he won't starve. Take the pressure off you and him, eat together, model good table etiquette, show him you eat a variety of foods but don't push. And look at his consumption over a well, not just meal to meal - it will even out.

And don't give in! These things tend to happen in phases - it will be different in a few weeks so just ride it out

*over a week

Mrscropley, he has the baby food as a last resort when I can't get anything down him. I sat with him at lunch as I always do and ate the same as he was having but he refused. Sitting on my knee is a good idea I'll try that. Thanks.

This is the age at which feeding them can become difficult. It's also the age at which their growth slows down so they don't eat as much as when they were babies (something I learned from reading My Child Won't Eat) so try not to worry TOO much.

I won't offer any more advice because my nearly six year old has massive food issues. Clearly I fucked up somewhere

HeyMicky. I tried that for 4 days but couldn't take anymore screaming and full in tantrums. He would constantly run to the kitchen and point to the bread bin so I knew he was hungry just refusing 'real food' do you think I should try again? How do I handle the screaming? Thanks for your reply.
Agree he's playing with me... he eats fine at nursery and even when we go out for something to eat he'll be much better...

Can you set up the scenario like nursery? Invite some other dc over to have lunch, ask them to bring their fav foods and provide something you know yours will eat.

See if the more relaxed atmosphere helps. Tension picked up from you worrying won't be helping.

My ds has been a bit more trying again recently. I was losing the plot a little bit one dinner time so left him in his highchair with his dinner in front of him and peppa pig on the ipad judge away fuckers. I sat in the lounge with a glass of wine. Went back into the kitchen 20 mins later and his dish was empty. Big sigh, where has he thrown it this time? Er, nowhere. He'd eaten every single bit of it. Sometimes the less time I spend trying to get him to eat and more time I just leave him to eat, it actually works! Just a suggestion.

Great idea orange bird. And no judgement here - sometimes using pepper pig is the only way I can get to change his nappy!

They're little buggers, aren't they?

If he was hungry, he could have eaten the food you put out for him. There's a line from the book My Child Won't Eat that is quoted a lot on here: It'a your job to provide the food, it's their job to eat it

The screaming must be tiring. Maybe put some things out of sight for a few days to break the habit? I find it helps to just reiterate "Your dinner is on the table" very calmly. And set a time limit in your head and take it away after that. The amount of effort you'll expend convincing him to take a bite or two and that he'll expend resisting you outweighs the benefit of that tiny amount of food. You can always top up at breakfast, or with snacks if you usually offer them

I also put a baby gate in the kitchen for a few weeks to break DD2 of the habit of running straight in there after Nursery and screaming for biscuits.

Lots of good ideas, thanks. Like the one about putting a gate on the kitchen door. I've actually just bought the my child won't eat book after seeing it mentioned on here... I'll get reading!

Lots of great advice. You mention breadsticks and hummus as snacks.

DD is well out of the fussy stage and still loves a picky lunch - breadsticks/crackers, hummus, cheese, cucumber, carrots, tomatoes.

In the past she's refused sandwiches but give her cheese, bread and cucumber (deconstructed sandwich if you will) and she's quite happy.

DD has always been a gannet and loves her food, but even she went through a fussy stage. I gave her what she preferred but continued to also give other things at the same time and she gradually started eating them again.

Clearly DS has a twin - who knew? He's 2 now and we're just coming out of the other side of over a year of fussiness. At his worst, he was very similar to your DS and refused anything I cooked in favour of pouches and jars. So frustrating, especially as weaning had started so well for us - but then he had a virus at 9 months and ate virtually nothing for a few weeks and we never got back on track.

A number of things helped for me. One was relaxing - I know it's a cliche but it really does help. DS would usually eat either Laughing Cow or peanut butter sandwiches. Not the most varied diet but nothing wrong with them. So if that was convenient, I'd offer him that.

Being at the childminder helped, where he ate almost everything on offer.

As did keeping mealtimes low-key and taking the pressure off - eg just me and him, rather than a bigger audience. I let him "pinch" my food as well if that works.

Things suddenly started to improve a couple of months ago. In addition to cereal, fruit, sandwiches, crisps/breadsticks, etc and sausages, he'll also eat chicken goujons, fish fingers, pasta, peas, cooked carrots, broccoli and various other things I could only have dreamed of earlier in the year.

So I'd suggest you stay calm, keep offering, and accept toddlers are fickle - today mine ate a nectarine, yesterday he wouldn't even look at one. Etc.

Things can change very quickly with this age group. I realised the other week that I can't remember when we last bought a pouch and once we've used the current one left in the cupboard, we won't be buying any more thank fuck for that. So hang in there and keep cool.

BewareOfTheToddler, thank you for sharing. It makes me feel so much better knowing we're not the only ones going through it! so glad his eating is getting better. Fingers crossed it happens for us too!

My 18 month old is the same. He's defiant and I'd have to hold him down for anything that's not his morning porridge.

I like what beware is saying. That's sort of where I'm at. I give him plenty of what I know he'll eat (he actually loves nectarines and most other fruits) and I keep trying to get him used to other foods and textures. I top up with baby food and milk. Most days he needs the top ups, but he's improving slowly. He gladly ate a very sour plum today and a good amount of Thai rice from my plate . Minor achievements but I'll take them! When I see other babies his age eating dinner at a table I could cry. I do offer him meals so he can use his spoon but he's more interested in creating artwork.

He'll usually eat plenty of different foods at his Nana's during the day but he'll fight against it if I tried to give him some of those things. I can't find it in me to let him go hungry for anything, so for now I'm trying to chill out and play the loooong game.

JayDot. Sorry to hear you're going through the same thing, but also glad to hear someone else is topping up with baby food. I did again tonight after he refused lunch and then dinner. I was strong at lunch and didn't offer an alternative and he was fine. I then gave him peach as a snack. Then for tea he refused, so I tried just leaving him in the high chair, ignoring, then eating some with him, then purring the meal so it was the like a baby pouch, then I got him down from the high chair and tried to be firm but he just screamed and screamed so I gave him a pouch and a banana
It's so tough. I know I have to be strong, but when he's not had a proper meal all day and he's screaming I just can't take it.
So today's he eaten...
Breakfast - Milk, weetabix, Offered a pear, but refused.
Snack - offered pear again, refused.
Lunch - beans on toast with cheese. Ate toast only.
Snack- a peach.
Dinner - offered chilli and rice which he's had and enjoyed before. Refused. Then gave pouch, a banana and 2 oat cakes.

I have got to stop giving in..

I would stop giving in and stop the snacks completely. Look at it as a long game and not on a meal by meal basis or even day by day basis. The crying is because he knows there's a back up. It's tough but you have to go through it. Provide at least one thing you know he will eat at a meal. He won't starve himself.

My DD was a brilliant eater until she hit 18 months then she was awful. AWFUL.
But if I put peppa on the iPad she would sit and watch it and I could feed her and she'd eat every last bite.
She grew out of it at 2 and then went through phases again. She's almost 3 now and we had to do it again last week.
People can judge all they like and I know it goes against lots of advice but it worked for us and kept me sane.

Everything is a phase at that age, honestly. I know it doesn't help but keep doing what you are doing, carrying on cooking your lovely homemade meals, if he just has a spoonful then that's fine, top him up with bread/fruit/veg etc. He will work it out and would not allow himself to starve.
I'm sure I read that babies (which is what he is - he's been alive less than 2 years!!) have to try foods x amount of times before liking or disliking.

Don't battle with him, you'll never win. Relax, make mealtimes a happy family occasion and give him some of what he likes and some of what you want him to eat. When he's finished take the plate away without any comment or fuss.

Normandy, I did that for 4 days and then caved as there was no improvement at all. I do know I have to do it again though. The problem is I no longer have any idea what he does or doesn't like as he's just been refusing everything over the past few weeks.
Lapin, that's the second time that idea has been mentioned on this thread. Maybe worth a go.
I do think it's a power/control thing as he is happy to eat everything at nursery...
thanks again for replies. It helps to talk about it!

My DD1 didn't really start solids until 18m as she had reflux, and food made it worse. A pouch would last days! She's fine now but age 4 she'd still prefer a pouch over real food, I think because they are sweet (they all seem to have apple in) and easy to eat. I have begun to explain that she has to eat her meals because some days we have our favourite thing and some days we have someone else's favourite thing, but we still eat it because mummy made it. She's pretty good mostly. On tired days (eg after swimming lesson) I give her porridge for dinner though. My 16mo mostly has milk at home but eats fine at nursery apparently. They'll get there in the end!

Glad it helps - we went out with friends who have a child the same age a few months ago and I almost wanted to cry when I saw her shovelling pasta into her mouth by the handful!

One useful piece of advice I think I read on here was to always make sure there's something on their plate you know they'll eat. That definitely helps us. So in our house, that might be sausage,mash and two different vegetables - he'll eat the sausage, won't touch the mash, and might well have some of the veg. But if one of them is something he's eaten before, at least then I can conclude he's just being fickle!