10 year old being spiteful

[dementedpixie]

Took ds (10) for a trim today that he didn't really want. His hair hasn't been cut for months and is shoulder length and was uneven and messy. He literally had some layers put in and tidied up with nothing off the length but he was not happy.

When were got home he must have moved my kindle to dds room and screwed up my duvet out of spite. He says it because i made him get his haircut and i suppose its to punish me. I told him if he didn't apologise he would lose his electricals tomorrow but all he said was that he would just complain all day instead. I took his book off him too as he would normally read before bed.

Was I wrong to take him for a haircut (doesn't look much different to how it was before) and how do I deal with his reaction afterwards? He is like this after all haircuts and has cried over them before. He doesn't like change either and reacts when getting new shoes too

Hopeful bump

You weren't wrong for taking him to have his haircut.

He obviously has some sensory issues around it though which will cause agitated behaviour.

How about a mobile hairdresser who comes to you in future whilst he watches a film and then offer him reward of tech if he's good.

There's a fine line between understanding route cause of behaviour and allowing inappropriate behaviour.

I try and be understanding of ds but I won't allow him to be nasty - instead I teach him better ways to deal with his anxieties.

Viewed from his perspective. The child hates going to the hairdressers and he has a meltdown afterwards and his hair " (doesn't look much different to how it was before)".

I hate hairdressers. Makes me feel ill and confused. The noise, the chemical smells, rough hairdressers pulling and pushing my head and not listening to my preferences.

have you thought about dealing with this slightly differently, by talking to him about emotional hurt and pain, and teaching him to empathise with how his behaviour upsets you, rather than focussing on taking stuff away from him? i think that communication is really helpful and teaches him a better lesson than "I better not commit murder or someone will take away my x".

Transactional parenting is of limited use if you don't teach children the inherent moral value of not being vile to other human beings.